... Not safe for Christians.

Just read Xoggoth's Church and dating piece and found myself nodding and smiling at everything he said.
I've had numerous experiences of church over the years. From Traditional Church with Noel, the welsh sheep shagger (Collette gave him that label not me) from the moment he opened his mouth and started giving us the sermon we couldn't go back.
To the more slightly wacky non conventional church, that never did turn into the Orgy for Christ I'd hoped. Collette and me had the hots for the Vicar, trendy clothes, wide boy accent, lunch box to die for.
Unfortunately he left his wife and God and ran off with a nymphette half way through the year.
Fecking vicars, no staying power these days.
This has reinforced my view that nothing is as exciting as the thing you're forbidden to have. Why have the dull single man with single men hang ups when you can have the sexy, illicit married man?
Anyways I digress, back to church.
The Church was full of crazies. Now I'm not being rude. I am a confirmed Crazy. Not many of them had their very own Iraqi psychiatrist
(I'm thinking my present desire to become a Dictator is down to him)
Why is it, when you're depressed or mentally unhinged you turn to God? Maybe somewhere deep in that dark hole of depression you hope there's someone own there with you, guiding you. Hugging you and saying encouraging words.
The story about the guy who walked with Jesus always touched me... The one where the footsteps were missing for parts of his life and he asked Jesus why? And Jesus said that was the times I carried you.
Wow, I thought. This is good, this speaks to me and helps me.
But in reality, this God thing was stopping me from reaching out and connecting to the real world. FFS The bible is a well written fantasy.
I used to look around the room at my fellow worshippers. Now there were some really lovely ones who I deem to be 'fairly' normal... But even then, there was a nagging doubt in the back of my head that they were there to get their kids into Christian school rather than sending them to fend for themselves at the local Borstal Comprehensive.
Then there were the out and out Loonies... Happy clapping, eyes closed, palms up to God, true believers. Spread the Word. God is Massive. God is great. God can do anything (except save a 4 year old from his own congregation from choking and devastating her parents lives)
Isn't Christianity selfish?... Well maybe all religion.
When they die they are going to Heaven... But the rest of us will burn in hell.
How lovely. What a wonderful thought.
Still wanted to shag the young man who organised the sound system though.
He sat there poker stiff and unsmiling every week.
I used to wonder what he'd do if I undid his flies.
Had to keep myself occupied when the Vicar left.
When you're in church next, play the oral sex game.
Imagine different people having oral sex... Pair them up. Makes many a dull sermon pass by so quickly.