Mr Yellow has a night out.

DIY tonight was interminably dull.
After last weeks 2 hours of non stop talking, I'd expected some action tonight, but it was not to be.
The group has swelled by one. A man with little brain. He introduced himself to me, I didn't catch his name but he said he was a comedian and would keep me amused for hours. His loose jogging bottoms and missing teeth did slightly amuse me but his embarrassing anecdotes irritated. I shall call him Onslow I think.
The rest of the group were unchanged. I sat and watched them and wondered why they were there. There was a very normal looking man (Mr Mysterious) with nice clothes and notebook, he'd already done a course in how to put central heating in and put a system in his house. God knows why he was with us then.
A very dim man (Mr Bean) who asked sooo many questions. Remember being at school and wanting to knock off early and some cretin in the back kept asking stupid questions? Well that's him.
A poe faced woman (Miss Mouse) who sits very quietly trying not to make eye contact with anyone else.
Two women who, after a while, I realised were just as bored as me. I shall called them Cagney and Lacey.. As they looked similar.
Cagney was a Keener and kept pushing herself to the front.
Me and Lacey called her a swot and threatened to beat her up at the back of the bikesheds after school. Then we decided that we'd let her come round our houses and put up the shelves therefore avoiding the need for us to do anymore night school, me and Lacey are going round the local pub next Monday.
There were also a couple of posh people there, who had Bosch Drills and wore Monsoon dresses. The teach told one she'd prob end up dead if she wore her flouncy neck tie whilst drilling.
We all brought our drills.
Mine was the most beautiful. Yellow. I opened my box to gasps of jealousy (bitches)
Teach (Mike) then spent an hour and a half discussing safety with DIY...Again.
This week we had:

1,Get some one to hold your ladder unless you want to break your legs
2,Never put sharps objects in your pocket
3,Always read the labels on paint pots
4,Never drill into an electric socket.
5,Never drill whilst pissed up or on Crack
6,Always make sure you have the light on, drilling whilst dark is dangerous
(I kept reminding myself this IS DIY for beginners... but FFS we aren't retards)
He then told us he'd got the list from the WWW and told us the website
He started off with http:// It took most of them 10 minutes to write the http bit...FFS!
He only had one copy of these safety tips and chose to give them to me... there's confidence in our Trin for you!


I got bored then and was thrilled when Clarrie text me... Three times! and I had to leave the room in case it was an 'emergency text'
After an hour I lost the plot and he could have performed a sex act in front of me and I wouldn't have noticed.
I can't remember what he said... But have a vague recollection of discussing why hairs come out of paint brushes.
Then rather randomly he suddenly leapt up and showed us how to seal a sink. With one of those sealant guns.
I got confused, We're doing tiling at some point so couldn't work out why at that moment he showed us that.
Cagney and Lacey thought it was random too... of course teacher's pet Cagney was up close and personal with the sealant gun.
Lacey sat down with me and made faces at everyone behind their backs.
Then we got onto drills. Teach said that drills should only be used to drill with and nothing else...
I asked (quite pertinently, I thought) what other purpose a drill could be used. The class laughed and Teach gave me one of those looks, that I've become used to over the years. He said some people use drills to stir paint. How dull and how silly.
Then he pointed in the direction of mine and Cagney and Laceys drills and said... "Those drills aren't a lot of good you know"
I sat up indignantly... How dare he diss my drill?... Bastard.
We then examined each others drills and he showed us how to insert the drill bit and remove it again.
My drill was the last to be looked at. I told teach he better not be rude about Mr Yellow or else.
Teach was surprised at how light Mr Yellow was, then proceeded to use him to drill a hole in some spare wood.
He then said, "This little drills not bad you know" I looked at his face to see if he was taking the piss, but he wasn't.
He then saw my drill bits and I could see him salivate.. I had a real wood drill bit. With a pointy tip. No-one else had one. So MY drill got a good seeing to by teach. Everyone crowded round my pointy drill bit and gasped at it's magnificence. Jealous gits.
Then it was time for home.
Guess what?
Teach tried to steal the pointy bit belonging to Mr Yellow... He put it in his special pot he has on his desk.
I retrieved it and made a mental note to keep my bits locked away in future.
Next week is how to get electrocuted.
Can't wait.