I woke up this morning to a lot of moaning and discord from the cats. They often fight and moan so I paid no attention. However on emerging form the bathroom I spotted Kizzy... (The middle, tiny, flighty one) cowering under the bed with a packet of Iams firmly attached to her head.
She'd got her head in the tiny hole but couldn't get it off. The other two probably thought she was trying to steal all the pies and consequently the poor kitty had spent ages suffocating with two hyenas at her heels trying to steal the food off of her.
I rescued her, (whilst laughing). She smells of fishy Iams and ran off traumatised.
(serves her right, self-service is not allowed in this cat hotel)
I went downstairs and switched on the TV and jumped back in fear.
That chubby talentless ex Take That singer was being advertised for his 'Live In Berlin' show.
FFS, it was like an advert for a heavy weight fight. All those icy stares, posing and pouting shots so full of testosterone you wanted to scratch those sweaty balls and swig from a can of Skol.
He's a semi ok singer FFS.
What's wrong with the women in this country?
'Live in Berlin?' 'Dead In Sheffield' suits me better.
(Damn I must make that pilgrimage to Sheffield before I die)

"I stand victorious!" shouted Robbie Williams as he materialised through plumes of smoke jets into the centre of the futuristic setting of the Berlin Velodrome".

Oh Please make him stop.
Yes, I admit. I stand here and confess that I once saw him in Cardiff with a very large pack of sex starved women whose husbands think an orgasm is something Liberace used.
But he is not talented, he's a prat, he's got an Ego bigger than America and his 'music' has caused the Ozone layer to spread and now it's covering the whole of Japan.