Tuesday, February 28, 2006
She's a pretty good tosser really.
Notice how her hand moves so fast the camera can't keep up.
I hear she's been chatting up the consultants at work...
Oi Collette! those men are mine and always have been... hands off.
"I don't bother chasing mice aroundStray Cats 1981
I slink down the alley looking for a fight
Howling to the moonlight on a hot summer night
Singin' the blues while the lady cats cry,
Wild stray cat, you're a real gone guy."
Surprised? The school never rang me back! Gits.
Abby's worried someone's going to shoot the cats. It's after the first case of Avian flu was found in a cat . Apparently they're shooting stray cats in France. Well that's France for you!
My sister just text me
"Heard Bird Flu has come 2 England
and is killing old birds
Bitch. How can 36 be old?
The car sailed the MOT this morning. I always feel stupid in those garage centres. All the men in dirty oily overalls and mumbling some crap about car parts. They make me feel about 10 years old again.
I've spent an hour slaving over a hot stove making bloody pancakes for my darling children. Thank God it's only yearly.
We had the most horrendous hail shower earlier. Bailey launched herself through the cat flap in a fit of meows and mews.
She was terrified, later it turned to snow and I watched her go back out to investigate, She was trying to catch the flakes with her paw. Frustrated because they melted before she could really see what they were.
She's so funny. Not so funny when she's ripping the fibres out of the divan at 6 am to wake me up to feed her though!
"All day long they work so hard
Till the sun is goin' down
Working on the highways and byways
And wearing, wearing a frown
You hear them moanin' their lives away
Then you hear somebody sa-ay
That's the sound of the men working on the chain ga-a-ang
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang"
Sam Cooke 1960
The car's gone in for an MOT. As I walked home I resisted the urge to throw lumps of mud at the road-work men.
Every single exit from this area is blocked by roadworks. Every time I go past they seem to be leaning on their spades and chatting or smoking. No wonder Englands roads are in a dilapidated state. I'd like to be their senior manager. I'd make the bastards work. Bring back the chain gangs.
I just rang that damn school again. They said they'd get someone to call me back. Yeah and Pigs might fly. Can't wait for my Ofsted comments form.
Last week Abby went to catering. The school can't provide catering classes for them. No teachers, so they use the local college. She goes there every Tuesday afternoon.
It costs me £ 2.50 in bus fares a week. That's a tenner a month... To get to college? FFS. Last week her and Amy were on the bus stop. The bus driver stopped but refused to let them on. They were school-kids, he refused to take them. Consequently they were 15 minutes late to college. And their stupid teacher subjected them to a 25 minute tirade of anger at their lateness. Now Abby's anxious about catching the bus and being late. How can kids learn like that? The damn school should provide transport... at least there. It's their fault she has to travel there.
It's Pancake night... We're making them at Rainbows again. Let's see how many Marie can burn this year ;P
Then home for Holby City. Deep Joy
This week Ric leaves Nic in charge and Jac is unhappy.... Fuc.
Monday, February 27, 2006
The ultimate baby wipes warmer
FFS we're bringing our kids up to be a bunch of wimps. Baby wipe warmers? So the nasty cold wet wipes don't have to touch Juniors delicate bum skin?
My mother used to hose me down in the back yard with ice cold water. Made me the girl I am today.
YOU KNOWS IT
(Was awful during the summer hose pipe ban, btw)
Anyways we often have nice warm loo roll. I keep it next to the radiator. I'm a brill mum.
"wiping yourself can be easy and fun" tm
Skype storiesKinky couples inc.
Lori and Keith: "When he's away he'll send me a text message that'll say 'SKYPE ME BABY!' and it's like he's here in the room with me"
What a heart warming tale. If you add me it could be like you're in the same room as me. Imagine!!
(ummm I don't actually understand it much though...)
"Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
it is sinking, falling down.
Love forever love is free
Lets turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
is everybody in?"
Guess how many times people have said to me that rescuing a cone from the road side is stealing from the police
Tsk. No imagination. No adventure. Did anyone say that when Terry Waite was released?
I've had an exceptionally excellent day.
Been happy and calm and I went to see the Occupational Health Doctor at work he said I was 100% betterer than this time last year.
I popped into work to say hi. They all said I looked lovely. My manager said I looked very pretty today.
Pretty me? OK I had a pair of hoopy blue earrings in. And a blue lacy top. Actually I had the top on inside out. Sometimes your little mistake just works for you.
I finished my book last night. Gave me a great sense of achievement. I want to read more now.
My friend emailed me to say he'd got 3% stupid on the stupid test below... 3%!!! He pointed out that made him 97% clever.
He also pointed out that I am only 27% clever ;)
But I beg to differ :P
I am 100% clever and wonderful, sexy, sassy and adorable.
How's that for a Monday statement?
Sunday, February 26, 2006
I grabbed my head bag and set off.
The gym was quiet. Late Sunday on a freezing cold night. But I don't like the gym at night. It's full of posers. Girls with tans and teeny bikinis and young guys with trunks and amazingly well padded packages.
Maybe I should go more often.
I swim like a slow moving slug and I only did 12 lengths. Better than nothing. I found a lovely jet stream in the jacuzzi.
The young guys make me laugh. They don't actually do any exercise but sit in the jacuzzi staring at everyone else.
There was an old guy walking lengths in the pool. He had white trunks on which were very see through. Disturbingly I found myself checking him out.
FFS I need bromide or something.
I feel goood for having gone though. I could get hooked on those endorphins.
So endeth the weekend with Trinity.
My friend says the cops often raid University digs to get traffic cones and other road signs back. I'm looking forward to being raided and just want any cops that might be reading that I'm ready and able.
"Sit around and watch the tube, but nothing's on
Change the channels for an hour or two
Twiddle my thumbs just for a bit
I'm sick of all the same old shit
In a house with unlocked doors
And I'm fucking lazy
Sit around and watch the phone, but no one's calling
Call me pathetic, call me what you will
My mother says to get a job
But she don't like the one she's got
When masturbation's lost its fun
You're fucking breaking"
Green Day 2001
I'm so bored. So really boggy and unmotivated.
I wonder if this is the let down effect of a stressy month. My recuperation? And I'm moaning because I have nothing to angst over, pace about, cry over?
FFS Trin get a grip (I wrote grope by accident)
When my life is better I blog less, ha, but when it's fecking dull, I blog more... Umm does that mean I blog dull crap.
I'd like to do stuff.
I'd like to go somewhere for the day. Now I have the resources to do that. But my head says
"No stay home Trin, it's safe there"
How am I going to find friends stuck in here all the time?
I don't think they're going to come knocking at my door.
All I get is debt collectors and the shop lifting gits, selling their wares.
Next door's 80 year old Father with his motorised disability cycle did knock earlier to ask if his daughter was in here.
I'm meant to go to me mothers for dinner, but after this weeks incident of my father yelling at me. I aint bloody going.
36 year old woman being yelled at by her father... hmmm I don't think so.
What do other people do Sundays?
(I don't want to know Donna and Crash, I'd be dead jealous)
I'm going to get well, sort out me money crap and become the most amazingly interesting person with so many friends that I can't keep up with them all.
This is my Goal (Mine Shayne Ward you git)
Me and Danz have spent the morning arranging my FAB CD collection. This is merely a fraction of the diverse and eclectic collection I have (I made that up).
It is kind of annoying however,when you get to W and find you forgot to slot D in somewhere.
I did find I also had a lot of rubbish though, when the kids were young I went through this awful POP period.
I remember my next door neighbours kids were heavily into Nirvana and thinking who the feck are they?
We went to see so many pop groups, 5ive, S Club 7, Steps, A1, Spice Girls.... I did have tickets for Westlife AND Ronan Keating but just prior to these gigs I suddenly seemed to wake up from the pop madness and refused to go.
Thank God, or I'd have had to live for all eternity knowing I'd seen Westlife live.
ATM I'm listening to The Arctic Monkeys Album. Love those starkly real lyrics. The Strokes new one, class in a New York Package. Gorillaz and Athlete.
Anyways we've put the cd's in my new drawer thing (that's really for DVD's but oh well)
I'm ok today. I think.
Corinne Bailey Rae in on TV.
Abby says it's a stupid song... "Why's she singing about putting your red coat on?"
Ummm Abby, it's put your RECORD ON.
Bless. Hope she got most of Goldie Lookin Chain Lyrics wrong too ;)
Reducing? Because they don't get fed? There are escapees, all over the country, thousands of escapees. Mind you a Cones life in North Devon HAS to be better than Bristol. All that fresh Devon air and cream teas.
"The police say they are not accusing anyone of dishonestly keeping them.
Instead, they are asking people to drop any cones back at Stroud police station or ask for them to be collected".
I interviewed one newly freed cone. She asked that only her first name be issued for fear of recapture and reprisal.
Connie said her life was a living hell. Rough handling by uniformed officers made her life unbearable (sounds fun to me actually)
Many cones turn to a life of crime, drugs and sex traffic to blot out the mundane bare existence of the road side cones life.
"Officers think most cones will have ended up in wheelie bins or dumped in back lanes, but concede some may also have ended up in the river or in students' bedrooms".
"What kind of life is that?" Sobbed Connie plastically "Has no one got a heart?"
We at Trinity Towers have a heart. And it beats to the rhythm of the night.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
The streets of Whitchurch were lined with thousands of yellow cones. All sat sadly by the sides of the road. Watching and waiting and guarded over by Bristol Cops. There were three patrolling the streets on the way through. I gave one a small wave and he waved back.
The cones were obviously doing some form of hard labour. Out in the biting wind and cold, at risk from being hit or crushed by a passing green cars.
Shaly commented on how there were so many cops in Whitchurch?
We were bemused.
However we were on the way back taking Shay home when one particular cone took our eye and on a spur of the moment thing we stopped the car and Shay pulled him in. He was cold and stiff. As we turned a corner there was a cop car sat waiting. I yelled "get his head down". Shay rammed him into the foot well. It was the most scariest moment of my entire life.
After chucking Shay out like a drive by shooting. We drove home. Coney slept in the back.
I felt emotional and drained. Tears welled in my eyes. "Abby" I said "If only we could have saved them all"
Once home Coney seemed to settle well. Bailey wasn't best pleased at him sitting in HER chair. But we encourage sharing in this home for the mentally infirm. Share your crayons and colouring book Abby... NOW!
We fed Coney, Wotsits and Diet coke.
I have to say he's quite thin. Almost hollow. That cone needs filling up. I let him email his family back in Thailand.
I fear he was snatched from the streets by the unscrupulous Avon and Somerset police. To do their dirty work. Plastic Pimps.
"They said it changes when the sun goes downArctic Monkeys
And they said it changes when the sun goes down
And they said it changes when the sun goes down
We let him watch a little TV but unfortunately he was scared by Derek Acorah. Derek was possessed by an evil spirit tonight. (Personally I didn't notice any difference) His new sidekick Danniella Westbrook kept patting him on the back and telling him it was all ok. Now we know how to deal with ghosts. Pat them.
So we took him for a lovely bubble Bath. Unfortunately the years of grime are ingrained into his little yellow skin.
Only time will heal the emotional and physical scars of road side duty.
Then snuggled up in my bed, he's sleeping the sleep of Princes.
He better not get frisky.
I've had previous experience of plastic implements.
(let's not go there)
Abby and Shaly went to see Goldie Lookin Chain tonight at the Academy Bristol.
They said it was 'amazing' Maggot was cool. He kept mentioning Big Brother. They were very funny and Maggot simply Cannot dance. That's their review ;)
"M a g..g o t, m a g..g o t, m a g..g o t, thats all you need! the maggot mc"
"Come out with your hands on your head
Turn the rap music off and step away from the stereo
Put the rap album down, leave MC Hammer alone - turn it off
"That's right, you knows what I'm saying
Your mother's offered me the goods, I'm not paying.
It started as a laugh, as a bit of a joke
Something funny to say when I was having a smoke.
I first heard off this bloke, this fucking rumour going round
Your mother's reputation it's not sound
She's saving up the pennies hoping they'd turn into pounds
To have an operation to swap her gender around"
"Come baby, come baby, baby baby come
Your love is the bullet, my love is the gun
Come baby, come baby, come with me
I'll take you on a journey through R and B"
Click here to watch 'GLC-RnB'
"21 ounces of blow
I've got 21 ounces of blow
So if you want some let me know
'cos I've really gotta go
I've got 21 ounces of blow, blow, blow
....you're not fucking CID are you?"
"serious man, you fucking missus is nuts.
My missus is nuts and all,
she rings me at least 40 times a day....
GLC 2005 (you knows it)
Danz is poorly. Bless, she can't get out of bed. Feels too ill. I go upstairs now and them to see her. It's like hospital visiting.
I took Abby and Shaly into town. They went early to get a place on the balcony (no doubt) It was bloody freezing and they wouldn't wear coats. Coats aren't cool. The queue was small. They got in it and I went to drive away... stopped wound down the window and shouted out very loudly. "Love you very much!" Abby looked well embarrassed the queue cracked up laughing and Shaly shouted back "Love you too"
Bitch mother eh?
I'm pleased. My sister took the other 2 tickets AND paid for them. My nearly (but not quite) Brother in law is a GLC fan.
I'm home. Watching Skating on Ice... being a good mum.
"Coming out of my cage
And I been doing Just fine"
A friend told me last night that I portray my life as being very much half-empty rather than half-full. Trouble is I don't want half of anything. I want it all empty so I can wallow in self destruction or all full so I can joyously rejoice! (and dance naked at Stonehenge)
I jest. I don't know. I took offence to his well meant words. This past month stuff has conspired to knock me off my perch (next thing I'll get bird flu)
Every day something happens that stops me being cheerful. OK I get down but then at some point during the day it lifts and I'm happier.
I AM BETTER WORLD.
I can listen to music again and get such enjoyment and lift from it. I'm reading a book. Yes a whole book, kinda spoilt it by reading the ending. But hanging in there.
Maybe that's my problem. I want to know how it'll all turn out in the end. I want to know if it's worth all this bother? I have to know the endings of films because if they end in a bad way I won't bother.
My life is a bit empty ATM. I had someone to take me out and feel good. I had a reason to wear nice clothes and someone to talk to... Face to face talk to. And they're gone.......
But wait Trin? You said you didn't need anyone like that. You said you were ok on your own. You said you didn't need a man to validate yourself.
TOO FUCKING RIGHT I DON'T.
I wouldn't want a smelly, stroppy demanding member of the male species living here. Done that wore the tee-shirt and had to wash his pants afterwards. (Mind there are certain men that if they turned up here with a suitcase would be invited in and locked up in the cellar for all eternity... ;) umm and I'd wash their pants shhhh
So on to today's knock back... yessss par for the course, there always is one.
It's the Goldie Looking Chain gig tonight.
I'm going with Abby...
Danz has a tummy bug. I won't be going. She needs me. I'm not sending her elsewhere like to my mothers. When you're ill you need your own bed.
My friend says he doesn't let little things like that get him down. He bounces straight back up.
Ok then call me rubber ball.
I'm bouncing up and thinking about how enjoyable it will be to listen to the CD instead... Wait. Casualty is on tonight. I never miss a chance to further my nursing career educationally.
It really don't matter, despite my obvious sarcasm. She matters more. There will be other gigs. I prefer The Anson Rooms for gigs anyways. Much more chilled.
I am sorry though, this month has been a bit shit. Maybe if so many complex things hadn't been happening I'd have dealt with them better.
Anyone reading this (hello is there anyone out there?) must roll their eyes and say here she goes again. The miserable bitch with the half empty life and very cool CD collection (had to get that in Mr Grumblemag)
"Bounce if you wanna bounce, ball if you wanna ball
Play if you wanna play, floss if you wanna floss
It's Alright, you heard?, It's Alright, Holla back
Get ill if you wanna ill, smoke if you wanna smoke
Kill if you wanna kill, loc if you wanna loc
It's Alright, you heard? It's Alright, yeah yeah"
(God help us she's quoting Jay z)
I'm off to floss. Because I 'wanna'.
Healthy gums are quintessential
(what does that mean anyways?)
Friday, February 24, 2006
"In the beginning when we were winning
When our smiles were genuine
In the beginning when we were winning
When our smiles were genuine
Now unforgiving, the everlasting
Manic Street Preachers Everlasting
I've just wasted three hours in The Citizens Advice bureau.
I got there at 10.10. There were three others waiting. Apparently it was quiet this morning.
I got called in at 12.15. A nice girl called Vicky. Aged 20 or 21. Young. She asked me my concern. I got out my paperwork and told her all about the Housing Benefits office and my council tax problem.
She wrote it all down and went to seek advice from a senior colleague.
She came back with a Breakdown of Earnings form. She said if I filled it out they would tell the council how much I could pay back of the monies I supposedly owe.
As for the fact the council STILL haven't written and informed me that I owe this money? She said she felt the letter had probably got lost in the post.
She did try to ring the council tax office but there were 8 people in the phone queue in front of her and then the message on the phone said the systems were down and would be for the rest of the afternoon.
After an hour She asked if she'd been any help. I nodded but inside this person said 'No actually this has been a waste of time'.
She advised me to ring the council tax place myself Monday. Why? I've already done that once and it got me nowhere except rather upset.
I got out. The car park cost me 3 quid. I went home. The traffic was dire. Lunchtime and the traffic is as bad as rush hour. Guess it's Friday.
I was stuck in a jam for ages. I was dying for a pee and had tummy ache. When I get frantic I have a touch of IBS. But haven't had it for ever. I MUST be stressed.
A big white van drove through the jam and plonked himself by the side of me and tried to nudge in. I ended up having to let him in otherwise he was going to cause an accident.
You know that film? The one with Michael Douglas where he goes around shooting people who annoy him?
I wish I HAD a gun.
Bad things happen to me for a reason. I deserve them.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
The awards tonight. I thought The Brits was well dull. Well I enjoyed Prince (amazing man) and Gorrillaz. But the show was dull, the lighting was crap. Far too light, no atmosphere. Too office like and as for Chris Evans... What a f...ing prick. Funny? Huh.
So onto the NME's.
Already totally low key. Nice set. Like the tardis.
Razorlight kicked off. I like Johnny Borrell, he's hot as fuck. But the track was a bit dull. His voice carried it for me though.
Arctic Monkeys predictably won New Band. They're funny. So Northern and very gritty. Good Album... I DO have the best cd collection Mr Grumblemag Sir.
Then The Strokes Won Best International Band. Juicebox is my fav Track a la moment. I saw them play at Reading. I truly Love Julian Casablancas. In fact I had a bit of an obsession going a few years back. Best Male Appears to be Kanye West. He's a weird guy. I don't like that music at all. I guess If I was pissed up on Vodka Shots I might dance to his music? Maybe.
Ok The Long Blondes have won some award with a long name. Berets are in.
Best live band are...........Franz Ferdinand. They didn't turn up so Peter Hook gave the award to The Kaiser Chiefs. Ummm really, he gave it to them because FF didn't turn up.
Ooooh KC want to give the award to The Cribs. You don't get this much fun at the Brits.
Ok now we have Dirty pretty Things. Carl Barat's new band. Best thing he did was ditch the Libs. They were ok. Sort of.
Russell Brand is getting on my bloody nerves.
Oh Dear Live 8 won the best DVD, Sir Bob took the award. He called Russell a Cunt and Russell didn't like it. Well he shouldn't be such a cunt them should he?
Some dull awards. Harry Potter won best film. Jarvis collected the award and made some Coldplay joke.
Gorrillaz won an award. For their live shows. Clever Cartoon 3 d live shows. Wish I'd seen them.
Shaun Ryder took the award
"Channel 4's programme regulations forbid Ryder from ever appearing on a live Channel 4 programme regardless of what time of day it is. This stems from two appearances on pre-watershed show TFI Friday in 1995 where he repeatedly used the word "fuck".
Well he was on E4
Now we have The Sugababes doing 'Bet you look good on the Dance floor' Christ they look nervous. The new girl out for the first time. Kinda brave in front of these Real Rock stars AND the Arctic Monkeys. They sound 'girlie'
Backing band are a bit crap though.
Arctic Monkeys won the award for best song for that song. He said thanks to the Sugababes... but "wrong key" though.
YAY It's Preston. I love Preston. Presenting Best Album. And the Winner is...... KAISER CHIEFS. Employment is a brill album. Still not got over not getting a signed one from Bloody Amazon though. Gits.
Ok. I'm bored of writing now. Not as if I'm any sodding good at it anyways.
I'm off to watch Pete Doherty do a turn... yeah.
He's going on and on and on and on..........
Now both girls are upset and Abby is shouting.
My nerves are jangly.
*we had 6 phone calls in total then Abby got worried that I was anxious and called him and apologised. Not sure what for? Shouting at him?
His girlfriend answered the phone to her, she said her father was FAR too upset to answer the phone to her. Hmph.
Anyways It's resolved now. He's left us alone.
Guess he won again.
I called Danz's school. I spoke to an answer machine. They didn't answer the phone. I told them Danz wasn't at school because she was very upset at the trouble yesterday. That she'd been pushed against a wall and threatened and called some very bad names. I asked that someone call be back as soon as possible to discuss this matter further and left my phone number.
Am I surprised? Sadly No.
Now we have ex husband trouble. Danz called him Monday and asked if she could stay Saturday night. He said he'd have to see.
So she arranged something else. He calls tonight to ask when to pick her up... Then proceeds to make a huge fuss when I say she's not coming now.
Why couldn't he have just said yes.. He hasn't seen her for months.
Then Abby asked him last week to borrow a lead for the DVD (no idea what she means)
He called tonight to say he's not prepared to lend her anything because she simply doesn't give stuff back.
She went mad. She asked if he meant she was stealing stuff.. She wasn't a thief. Ok a bit OTT but teens are like that.
He said she had DVD's of his she hadn't returned, so she said "Yeah right? So tell me when exactly I've seen you to give them back. You NEVER see us. You haven't been here for ages"
And put the phone down.
Now I feel anxious that he'll start now. He's best left alone. Once he gets rattled he gets all stupid and turns up here threatening us and shouting. I can't stand anymore shouting this week.
I'm going to explode soon. A huge bit mountain of anxiety, bad karma, insecurities and worry.
Imagine the mess when that lot blows.
"If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure"
It would appear that in Australia the way to sell that sickly sweet dire drink Pepsi Cola is to have The Hoff pee all over a metal bottle cap.
Rather disturbing if you ask me.
The linked page has masses of Hoffy goodness interspersed with Pepsi cola bubbles. Classic.
"Take a lesson from the ones who have been there
my brain is not damaged but in need of some repair
hold on to the basics but we can't change all our tactics
don't just sit there going crazy on your own
it's the only way, of getting out of here
it's the only way, of getting out of here"
Kaiser Chiefs 2005
Is it ok to be STILL in nightwear at 12.30 on a week day?
It's kind of ok living here. A lot of people do it. You see them out on their doorsteps in pyjamas. I saw someone walking to the corner shop the other day in her dressing gown and slippers.
I can't focus yet. I will later. I promise. It's just I woke up and a trillion zillions anxieties hit me and I keeled over and lay there and let them cover me.
Then I got scared and got up and paced. It's funny to watch me pace. One end of the kitchen to the other and not getting anywhere. I wish I'd seen the psychiatrist this month instead of telling him I was fine. But TBH he's not the answer. I need some counselling.
There are a couple of people in my life who I truly feel support me. But they aren't a bottomless resource and they have lives of their own. Lives that I'm not part of and never will be.
I love these people and appreciate every word they say or write me. But it's not real. They aren't real. They're in my head. Locked in. Probably trying desperately to escape.... lol yeah I have them handcuffed naked to the wall and I'm the Dominatrix. But that's another story.
I don't feel strong enough to face stuff. Yet my head people tell me I am strong enough and CAN do it.
"this is the modern way
faking it every day
taking 'em as they come
we're not the only ones"
is that what we used to say?
that this is the modern way?"
Now, I'm a nurse and I see stuff like blood, vomit and diarrhoea every day. Doesn't affect me. It is part of my working day... BUT I'm sat here with my Crumpet and orange juice and just after Frasier, is that truly awful "Going Cold Turkey" reality TV show on Channel 4. The patients have been drug free for three days. After 10 years of Heroin and Methadone use.
Today they started a new drug. It made the male patient sleepy. He fell asleep during a meal but the two women were awful. One had terrible pain and the other one Vomited copious amounts. Two huge sick bowls full of green vomit.
Yes, this is 09.30 am on a Thursday morning and Channel 4 is showing a poor woman puking her guts up on Morning national TV.
It's wrong. Wrong for her, wrong for us, wrong for society.
I switched off.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
There's a free party after with Maggot as DJ.
Oh my God... someones set the house two doors along alight. Going out to see the Firemen... bye
"The corridors of discontent that I've been travelling
On the lonely search for truth, the world's so frightening
Nothing's going right today cos nothing ever does"
I'm dipping. I thought about the D word today. I wish it would all end. I'm tired.
I'm a crap mother. My father tells me so.
I went to work at 8.30 am. The kids have a key. Danz had a set but lost them ages ago.
I forgot Abby had Orthodontist.
She went this afternoon....... With the keys.
I didn't get back until 3.30 pm. Danz was outside crying. It was raining, well snowing actually.
She'd rang her grandfather to see if he'd come let her in.
He arrived at the same time I did. He went berserk She stood there watching as he ripped into me about what a stupid crap mother I was... On and on.
I'm never going to his house again.
She was silent and went to her room and cried.
I sat there contemplating D. Then I called her. She sobbed.
She's been bullied today. A girl shoved her into a wall and called her a "Stupid Whore Bitch"
A group of girls she's had issues with. Nasty mouthy ones with no compassion.
She said Lauren and Natalie were really nice to her and helped her.
Thanks Girls. I appreciate your kindness.
I'm not sending her to school tomorrow. I want it sorted. I'm not sending her to have that happen to her.
See? I am an ok Mum... Honest I am. I do try.
I forget stuff. I work I get shopping, I have rainbows tonight...Thinking Day. I have so much running through my head. I can't cope with it all. It's always me. Never anyone to share the load. Always mememememememeemememmeee.
You know I STILL haven't had a letter from the benefits office. STILL.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
FFS, I just watched Eastenders and cried at Ian losing his mother (who left the soap about 7 years ago and was also killed in Footballers Wives)
Now it's the dire Holby City on. Actually Holby City has a lot to answer for. I'm pretty sure it was my comment, to a rather jovial parent, that I got most of my nursing skills from that Soap that got me into trouble last month. Not with the parent, who thought I was hilarious, but the stuck up fucking anal bitch I was working with.
Holby City makes me feel relatively normal. Damn if I had a life like that lot, I'd be in Barrow psychiatric hospital.
My back pay came today... Yay... Not. Do the math. I got a £1 and hour pay rise 14 months ago.
I work 22.5 hours a week... So a quid an hour over 22.5 hours a week x 4 x 14 months?
You reckon a lot?
Right BEFORE tax it was £ 300.
After tax? Don't talk to me about it. Nothing seems to go right. Money wise I've been let down so much this past year. I was expecting a fairy decent sized inheritance from my Gran. It was whittled down to practically nothing.
It was less than I'd EVER imagined it would be.
I can't go into it here. It wouldn't be right but I was really hoping that money would help me dig out of this pit and it never materialised.
I won't forget that. I will never forgive.
Never mind. I'll get over it and I'll survive.
My life isn't that awful.
Ooooh looks like some doctors going to be tragically mangled in a lift accident in Holby. Of course that happens every day in the NHS.
This is boring to me. Now maybe if Aliens landed? Ah that's next weeks episode.
BTW anyone caught that "fantastic" reality TV show on 'Cold Turkey' 4 people withdrawing from Heroin.
The studio turned into a hospital ward. We get to watch them puke and shit themselves and writhe around in agony. All on primetime morning TV. Cold Turkey with your tea and morning toast.
Have we all gone stark raving fecking crazy? And I'M the mad one?
Monday, February 20, 2006
My new family tax credit letter came in July, it caused some consternation because it said I owed them 8 grand.. Remember?
Anyways the new one came and I was awarded £ 3.50 a week more than last year. Now I get housing benefit which was reassessed 6 monthly. In November I went to the council office to ask about something and noticed a big sign.
"The housing benefit office no longer does routine assessments. If your circumstances have changed please tell us"
Oh dear, I thought and trotted home and got the relevant forms and submitted them.This was 3rd Nov 2005.
I haven't heard a thing. Until Friday when I went to get a form signed so I could go to the PDSA.
The girl said.. "Do you realise you owe 800 quid in rent?"
Now, remember. I don't do stress well, the cat was ill and I was worried.
The housing benefit had overpaid me 800 quid. I hadn't received a letter from them... Nothing. Then today the council tax writes. I owe them £ 363.46 due to overpayment.
How is this possible? I owe a grand in 4 months?
Well thinking of it logically they have taken 3 1/2 months to process that change of circumstances so its nearly 8 months.
I offered to pay the council tax in installments. Nope, they will take me to court, then I can pay in installments but not now. They were however really lovely, I got upset and she was so sweet, she even called me back after an hour to check I was ok.
She also said that for the past 4 years they've been charging me full council tax not the single persons allowance.. So that may help a little.
Housing benefit office weren't helpful at all. Wouldn't explain anything to me,were brusque and short and advised me to appeal. Which I've done. But I'm not sure on what grounds. But I asked for a recalculation and also complained about the amount of time it's taken to process it all... And I STILL to this minute haven't received a letter from them telling me all of this.
And now I'm all stressed and upset again and haven't got anyone to tell or hug or be there for me.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Maybe I am a little pensive today. Reaching out a little, seeing what happens.
Back to thinking about cats and washing and packed lunches.
My legs ache from the swimming. Unfit bitch!
Mindless TV on. God, I cried at the end of 'The Bodyguard' last night... ffs. Then we taped Total Recall and the tape stopped right before the end...
Today we borrowed that particularly awful '40 Year Old Virgin' on DVD.
Well, I'm not sure I've ever seen such a pointlessly unfunny film.
I actually think the guy was far nicer and more fulfilled without the sex.
Can't believe I'm saying that...
Abby called last night. She's sad. She doesn't want to leave St Lucia. She was going to St Lucian church early this morning. Should be an experience!
I feel shattered today, so tired.
The end of a bit of an eventful month. Yet, part of me thinks, all of this is probably just normal for everyone else. It's only me who makes a fuss and I'm just really stupid.
My friend says I've had an awful lot of shit going down around me and it's understandable that I've been a bit stressy. But I think he was just being nice to me. Anyways, I'm trying hard to be Normal this month.
Can't wait for Abby to come home, though I fully expect her to be a real misery. It'll all be over, her big week away.
All good things have to come to an end.
I sure learnt that the hard way this month.
Bless you all.
After 4 years of cat ownership, I'm STILL not sure how much I'm meant to feed them. The vet said cats are not social eaters and will only ask when they're hungry. This theory worked with Taylor and Kizzy... In fact Kizzy even now is as thin as a matchstick and hardly eats anything.
But Bailey broke the mould. That damn cat asks for food ALL the time. Cries, whines and if you ignore her, goes destroys something... the wood skirtings, the carpet, scratches posters off the wall. Goes behind the TV and pulls the leads out and does the same to the PC and phone lines.
Now she's so fat her tummy drags on the floor when she walks.
So today... there's no nice 'Iams' or 'One' biscuit down, I fed them at 8am and will feed them tea time.
Ummm yeah ok that's the plan but Bailey isn't in full agreement of this action... excuse me whilst I go remove her claws from my paint work.... Grrrr
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Crikey, sandwiched in between adverts for Caneston cream and that ridiculous First Active advert;
"You might want to get extra staff in this afternoon".
"Have you been at that window again?"
Behold the most cringe worthy advert, I've seen in a while.
Britney Spears and her new perfume 'Fantasy' has her husband Kev (or it least it looks damn like him) dressed in some Robin Hood kit and hitting her with a lurve arrow whilst she prances round the forest like some wood Nymph.
Truly embarrassing and he doesn't even have a huge felt pouch to look at.
It's not all bad though. I like the Ozzy Osbourne advert for some butter product.
His "I'm not making Fairy cakes... I'm doing ROCK cakes" line made me laugh.
I prefer Ozzy to Britney. Fantasy? Pah!