Thursday, September 30, 2004
Tomorrow I shall be crossing this beautiful bridge. The Gateway from England to Wales. It's an annual pilgrimage for 'The Girlies'. This is the first year for me. I am a bit excited. A weekend of debauchery and flirting. A time to dust off those vibs and take them on their annual hols (actually mine don't get dusty) A weekend of alcohol, chocolate, experimenting and mebbe men? The rules are , there are no rules but everything said and done are confidential. But you lot won't tell will you? The girls are a wild bunch. All professionals, mostly attached, but wicked and, when set loose, v dangerous. So watch out Wales. We're coming to get you. Lock up your husbands, sons and gay lovers. Here we come.
I've been following this story with much interest. In my years as a paeds nurse I have had much experience with parents and critically sick children. Parents who are in denial that their child will never lead a normal life, parents guilt that they've done something wrong to cause their illness, even Jehovah Witness parents that would rather their child die than give life saving treatment like a blood transfusion.
The Charlotte Wyatt case is sad. Born too early, her brain and lungs haven't developed fully. There is NOTHING that will help this situation....This is too severe.
Being ventilated means having a plastic tube down into your lungs to breath for you. Its very invasive and traumatic. The artificial ventilation of the lungs can damage the fragile lungs of these severely premature babies. Oxygen and air are forced into the lungs at just the right amount. This , however, isn't like normal breathing. After prolonged periods of ventilation the lungs can get damaged, stiff and more and more difficult to fill. Imagine having air forced into your lungs when you have a bad chest infection? The doctor who said Charlotte's life would be 'dominated by pain and suffering' was right.
Listen, doctors save patients. The staff at Portsmouth hospital will be in a terrible state about this. After all those months of looking after Charlotte, they wanted a happy ending. But it wasn't to be. Now they just want dignity and peace for the little scrap they fought for.
I am outraged to read this website David It made me want to cry. How dare he call us the National Death Service? How dare he?
The doctors do NOT want to kill off Charlotte. They are committed to her life...But if she decides herself the time is right to go. They won't put her through the torturous trauma of resuscitating her. How much more can she suffer? She probably make it past her second birthday. Her lungs are very immature and damaged. What's wrong with wanting dignity and peace for someone?
Be sensible all you 'pro-life isn't she cute' people out there. If she had any chance would the doctors be dragging through the courts so publicly? We are our patients advocates. We want what is right and best for them. Sometimes the emotional tug and bond that ties the parents is too tight and they cannot see the woods for the trees. They cannot bear the pain they will feel when their baby is released. But Charlotte's pain is paramount. No one should be made to suffer like that. No one!, it isn't right and it isn't fair. You may see a baby lying there but I see the true facts that making Charlotte survive is cruel.
God bless Charlotte and her family, but also pray for those brave Doctors and Nurses who are trying to do the right thing. Do not condemn. Sympathise.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Abby's School's Open night. And very nice it was too. I wore my FM boots and dyed my hair plum for the event! Abby's mate J showed us around....(the guy who put the bed together) The night was actually quite fun. A lot of thought had gone into making it entertaining. Chocolate and crisps for sale in the French area. You had to speak in French to buy it. Easy but visual experiments in science. Acid tests, and using the Bunsen burners. Abby was in a group doing drama. That was v good . Her teacher is married to our paediatric Physio. Sandwiches in Food Tech and their piece de resistance. The real Space-Rocket. In the playground this week they had hired a real space rocket to look at and examine. Looking at things like gravity, oxygen and space. Plus the engineering mechanics needed to send a rocket into orbit. The school is now an engineering college so I guess space travel would be applicable at all levels of the pupils.
Ok the real low down...Abby's maths teacher is dishy as hell. I'd do him. Kinda shy with a soft welsh accent and fit body. He blushed when I spoke to him and that was cute.
The PE staff are very fit. Nice legs and Abs. One of Abby's teachers kept bending over showing his white pants...hmmm def needs an underwear make-over.
Lots of older men in suits. It annoys me greatly how some men seem to look better as they age. Something about a man in a suit. Terrible ties though, one was yellow and royal blue. You could see him coming miles off. One science teacher tried to convince me that his suit was stylish and expensive. It looked like felt material. I'd never heard of the brand name and wasn't impressed! tsk.
I must stop flirting. Bad bad Trin
My new scales came. No way will I post my weight though! I had a healthy day with lots of fruit. No gym though because its Abby's schools big open day tonight. Better put my make up on and look beautiful!
Work was bitty and busy, I have to work elsewhere tomorrow to lend a hand but it'll be ok. I did note they have a child round there called Labia. Nice!
I arrived home to find the neighbour waiting for me. The nice side (not the karaoke side) She said that she had a tip off that her garden was going to be done over soon?? And if I see any big burly men climbing over my fence to call the police. How lucky am I to live in such an exciting area :/ my fence isn't all that strong anyways.
I had a vile dream last night that went on and on. I dreamed I'd been bitten by a lion and was shocked. Then I was walking past what I thought was a model lion and it suddenly jumped out and bit my calf. It really hurt and I was really scared and I screamed and cried and cried. Then I had a nightmare about not being able to find Abby and being lost in a huge department store. Hmmm the lion thing? Wonder if it had anything to do with that damn cat who sleeps on the end of my bed?
I had to get a prescription from the doctors. The receptionists there are so very rude. They ignore you, one eventually said 'can I help you' then proceeded to walk off. I know this sounds snobby but FFS I was in full uniform with an NHS ID badge round my neck. I could have been there on some official thing. Why are all doctors
receptionists like that? I did complain to my GP once that they were rude and ignorant and he said...ahh they have a very hard job dealing with the druggies and lower classes round here. So they group everyone who lives here the same? And since when did your social class deny you the right to a civil conversation? Grrrrr
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
'It was January and snow was on the ground. My ex had left something in my car and I was at work. He was looking after Abby (which was a rarity) and drove up to work with her. He suddenly appeared on the ward with my precious baby............. Dressed in a lime green sailor dress and pink fluffy tights'. Imagine my distress. My perfect baby being seen out in such attire. The rest of the staff were more concerned about the fact she had no coat or cardigan on and wrapped her in an NHS blanket. I hope this incident doesn't spill out in Abby's life and make her require counselling in years to come. How traumatic.
It was called Fairy Jasmine ,
Owing to its intoxicating jasmine, vetivert and ylang ylang fragrance, it's pale mauve colour and the sheer quantity of sparkliness it delivers, Fairy Jasmine has gone straight to the top of our best-seller list. However, it is not without its critics. Some of our bathers feel that leaving the house covered with fairy sparkles is inappropriate. Let us continue to warn you: only bathe with a Fairy Jasmine if you don't mind sparkling, literally not metaphorically. For those of you who work with glitter-intolerant colleagues, this is a Friday night not a Monday morning bath.You will find that in soft water areas most of the glitter floats around like a shoal of tiny fish within the bath water then washes down the plughole. In hard water areas it tends to float on the surface then stick like limpets to your skin, clothes, household goods and pets; if this is not the effect you want, add a little chunk of Bubble Bar Slice to reduce the surface tension so that not so much of it sticks to you.
I'm pissy and irritable. I've had a stressy day...Though tbh, it wasn't any worse than any other day.
I know what's wrong. I'm due my period tomorrow and I'm v v pre-menstrual. I cannot see how any man can understand how this normal monthly happening can cause such irrational and uncharacteristic behaviour.
Also no two months are the same, some times I'm absolutely fine.
I woke up at five am with a right sided headache that throbbed. I couldn't go back to sleep so I took pills.
Work was okish but I noticed my mood on the drive home. I get evil behind the wheel, I hate every other car and even worse with bikes. I drive v fast and if anyone is in front of me, I drive up their bums like some maniac. I know that's bad. But I can't help it.
Tonight at Rainbows, I expected perfect behaviour. At one point Marie yelled at me to shut up because she wanted them to all come back next week.
(I do love my little Rainbows though and they all know I'm a softy really) We made banana muffins. I was so irritable I let my group do everything on their own....They shocked me. Not only were they quicker than anyone else...They did it perfectly.
Abby got my sharp tongue in Asda for constantly asking for stuff. Now I made dinner for us both and just yelled at her, that I'm pissed off at doing EVERYTHING in this damn house and she can wash up!
The worse bit though is not being able to control it. Some months I'm v emotional and unreasonable. Some months sad and down. Some months tired and wan.
Then comes the period....crampy first day. Tired and no energy. Then it starts to get better.
Hard being a woman. Men haven't got any such things to cope with. Hmph. Wish I was a man! Drink beer and read the papers all day. They don't have to fuss with make-up or doing their hair. High heels or tights, Bra's or sodding periods. Bah!
Hey hey hey....Guess what that BBC website recommends for PMS? Chocolate and vodka... wow.
Monday, September 27, 2004
I've been reading PlanetDan and it seems Pornogami is the new thing. I used to love origami as a kid...Ashamedly and rather geekily I could make all sorts of stuff out of paper. But I never made one of These. Also Dan has found this very essential book, which he posted for us. It could only come from Waco, Texas!
Mind I did feel a little self conscious in only a costume...And a vile M&S one at that in floral lilac. I'm buying plain black, with bust minimiser tomorrow. Still no-one looked though and a few people smiled and chatted. Funny, I get lonely and restless in the evenings and maybe this could be good for me. As well as get me fitter. Andy the manager said any exercise is better than none.
I've come home, to next door still playing loud brash music. I think they have a karaoke machine and it's driving me and Abs nuts. Abby wants to complain to the council (like her grandad, he's a professional complainer)
Clarrie text me from her train back from Big City. She got an upgrade to first Class and is apparently eating chocolate with strange men. Hmmm hope she's taking precautions. (Not jealous oh no)
I got email from Stalker. Thought he'd gone quiet. He is still hoping that I will change my mind and resume?? our friendship. He wonders if I have a few spare hours this week to go over and ? and what? Yes I know what. NONONONONO besides I have to go to the gym now.
Do you know that one girl went to the gym tonight just to use the spa...Got out then went to the bar? Disgraceful!
Work was confusing. We re-opened the winter unit, the chaos was getting everything back to normal with a big influx of patients at the same time. The doctor who called me bossy last week said I was doubly bossy today! Ha! me? Bossy? :P
Abby tried her utmost to get out of school today...But I was ready for her. I am supermum! She said she felt sick. 'What'? I said 'no different to any other morning then' She wasn't pleased. She did come home tonight and tell me her mates think I'm a cool mum though, because my music taste is so good. Naturally! Unfortunately Abby doesn't share the same view of me at all. You can't win them all.
We are now watching Charmed, which Abby is obsessed with, I'm not allowed to talk during it. She's just yelled at the Ice-Cream truck to shut up jingling. Bloody hell, it isn't even any good.
Anyways no gym tonight. Too much stuff to do round here.
Oh I got email today, some health mail thing. Apparently chocolate is good for you, helps to prevent heart disease. Excited? Don't be. It recommends One very small square a day...Not one bar...one square. Oh well.
Sunday, September 26, 2004
Not being a small girl, I've never liked showing off my body. I'd avoid swimming because of it. So I was a bit anxious as to how I'd feel. But it was fine. I don't think anyone even looked. I guess you don't go there to look at others and anyway even if someone really huge arrives, you'd think, Well good for them for trying to get fit.
Now I only managed 8 lengths of the pool. But I'm not a strong swimmer. I watched the others and felt like some invalid, with my slow strokes. But I guess I haven't been well. Depression effects all of you not just your mood.
I had some time in the spa and sat in the steam room, which was really lovely, hot and menthyl smelling. It had these twinkly lights on the ceiling and this relaxing but fairly decent music. I closed my eyes but then this old guy started whistling to the Power of Love. Great!
My skin feels lovely now, the power showers were ace. Everyone was friendly and I didn't feel out of place. Next step the gym.
Oh and the Chinese? I had a little when I got back. Oh well.
Well she's gone. I must say her teacher's quite nice. Maybe I'll have to help out at the school more often. There was one mother there crying. The teacher gave her a hug and said, He'll be ok. You got my mobile phone number if you want to check on him?? bloody hell. He's 10 yrs old surely you shouldn't be getting that upset when they're ten...shouldn't you...am I abnormal :P
The house was a mess when I got up. I can't bear to live in it, I've been ignoring it all week but this morning I did the chores. Washed all the clothes in the basket, got to iron in a while.
I'm preparing myself for an argument with Abby. I know I haven't washed her school uniform. It wasn't in the basket. Am I wrong? But why should I do everything, think of everything all the time. It doesn't take a huge amount of effort to put washing in the basket. I refuse to pick up stuff off her bedroom floor. She's 14 after all. Also we are a team, we are three girls together looking after each other. Her sister can manage it. So later, or even tomorrow morning, there won't be anything to wear, all bar a crushed and wrinkled dirty school uniform. Maybe she'll learn, but somehow I doubt it because we've been here on a number of occasions in the past.
Danielle leaves for camp in 2 hours. I packed all her stuff...tons of it. Don't want her to be cold or wet. I hope she'll be ok. A whole week on a boat. Kinda worrying. I think the weeks being run by the sailing club so that's reassuring. The kind of school trips that go wrong, tend to be teacher led ones, who have little experience in the theme.
Damn I just made myself worry more reading those news excerpts.
Crikey I just looked at the real price of the week. nearly 300 pounds. We paid 80. I think they must have had a grant. The advantages of living in a disadvantaged area.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Then the world of modeling was taken over by the demon Play-Doh, with the hair salon. You screwed this implement up the back of the chair into the mans head and his hair grew and grew. Then chop it off and start again.
I still however have a thing for plasticine, those long lengths of the stuff in various uninspirational colours like green and brown. I was very pleased to see it's still used when I found this website.
A story of true love between two plasticine models. Plus a touch of the old Bukkake to spice up Saturday night. What Joy!
Click and enjoy the Tale of 'love by the Butterdish'
The Lord Nelson is as Chav as they come even down to the hair pulled back bar staff and slush puppy drinks available on tap at the bar. But it's popular and family orientated. Today, though, not particularly clean. The table had a gritty feel to it. But my dinner of a 5oz rump steak was only 3 quid, hot, tender and tasty. Service was quick. If you want no frills you can't go wrong..... Well apart from the ice-cream incident. But I won't be returning to that pub again.The Lord Nelson is better.
Abby didn't want to go for dinner and had two slush puppy's and one of my onion rings. I had to kick her leg, everytime my dad asked her a question, for any kind of response. My mum just laughs. They're used to her. My mum has a video of her at about aged two and tbh she hasn't changed a lot. She was a stroppy baby then. She refused to call my mum and dad, Nan and Grampy instead called them Maureen and Mike... Well everyone else did?!
The video tape is funny. I'm trying to get her to sing 'Ba-Ba Black Sheep' for the camera. She refuses. Then eventually gives in but sings it so fast no-one could understand her. Then she picks up the house phone and throws it across the floor in a strop. Ahh guess I should have know how she'd turn out.
BTW The local Council estate convenience store sells Slush Puppy drinks too...But I think they're not the real brand. But it sells miniature bottles of spirits like Vodka and tequila by the side of the machine. Apparently they're very popular added to the slush. Yeah I bet they are.
Shopped at Asda...crikey. Haven't people got better things to do than go to Asda Saturdays. It was like the Christmas rush in there. Kids and old people pushing their trolleys into me and running over my feet. I was in a bad mood which intensified as Abby's voice got more demanding. Can I have a CD? I need a new tee-shirt? I want new black socks? Can I have?????? I ignored her mostly
I owed her a tenner for doing something for me Sunday night. So we went to Argos where she bought a new body bar for her piercing!
Then I decided to go look at the new gym in JJB Sports. Hmm It was really nice. The reception girls were friendly and happy. I had a tour. I saw a lot of very fit men. The pool looked very pretty and relaxing. It has a lounge and very lovely changing rooms with power showers. All for £35 a month peak or £25 off peak. I joined fully. Maybe I'll go in the evenings for an hour. I met the manager Andy. He asked me what I wanted out of the club. I said to lose weight, get fit and be attractive. He was cute and said he'd do his best for me. Oh yes....I got free membership for being a nurse. I happened to get my UKCC card out of my bag and they said ..Hey it's free for you! Wow it is worth nursing.
So tomorrow I'm going to try it out.
One last thing to do...Go to Brockley Coombe to pick up Danielle. She's going sailing in Salcombe for a week tomorrow. Hope it's a bit warmer than today. I got the heating on! Bah
The stalker emailed me, he's in the City today and wants to come over. Now, about that strong and independent thing? I still find it very difficult to confront someone face to face, so I'll have to go out later just incase he turns up here.
Sometimes I'd like to have a man to love and be with. To share stuff and hug on the sofa. But, as my friend says, I don't need a man to validate me. Besides I'm too selfish and too moody to live with. I'm too insular and controlling. Though maybe I'm getting better.
The one thing that nags me though is I want to do so much, I want to travel and explore and discover. I want mind-blowing sex (more) and to get out of this house more. I think if I had a partner of sorts I could achieve some of those things. Who knows? The last thing I want though is to be stuck in a dead end relationship and to have to stay because of responsibilities and ties. I've done that and I longed to be free. Why do we always want what we haven't got? Why do we always want what we can't have? The grass is greener on the other side, yet when you get over there, you discover the side you just left is covered with beautiful meadow flowers of glorious colours.
So I'll wait and watch. I'll know if it's right. I always do. I know that the friends I've picked to be my closest and most precious are worthy and true and wonderful. I know that the thing I want most, I can't have because it's simply not right.
I know I love my girls and they love me. I also know this cat has got bloody fleas and I better get to the vets today!!!!
Have a great weekend you lot and be happy
Now here's your chance.
The baggage screening Game.
Test your powers of observation and reflex.
Hours of fun for the nerd in the family
Friday, September 24, 2004
I bow down to your awesomeness. You truly are a
Knight of the Round Table, ready to defend
yourself against the Knights of Ni, use the
Holy Grenade of Antioch, and RUN
AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! from the horrible monster
of ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHH!! Or perhaps a
barber who truly desires to be a singing
lumberjack. Or better yet, you are Brian,
fighting off the misguided crowds and wondering
what on earth you did wrong to wind up singing
"Always Look on the Bright Side of
Life" while hanging on the cross. Well
whoever you choose all I have to say is Go
How big of a Monty Python fan are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
I really want to watch Monty Python. I'm in the mood.
"Who's that then?"
"I dunno, must be a king"
"Why do you say that"
"Because he hasnt got shit all over him"
The doctor on today is very thorough and good but European...Couldn't place the accent. Spoke perfect English but very technical.
"We are going to gain venous access and give your baby a fluid bolus because she is shut-down"
The mum quite obviously didn't understand a single word of that.
(I will translate for you interweb readers 'We're going to put a little needle into babies hand and give her some salty water in a drip to make her feel better')
The doc bent down and repeated the first sentence word for word but, very m u c h s l o w e r. Since when has saying something slower made it more understandable?
Then the next sentence was "we need to give baby some IV Cefotaxime but I need to decide whether to give 50 per kilo or 100 per kilo"
(Translated, Baby needs some antibiotics through her little needle and I'm going to decide how much to give her) The kilo thing is we work out babies drug doses by their weight so if she was 5 kilos in weight and we gave 100mg per kilo of drug she would need 500mg of antibiotic. Simple!
Anyways I translated and we laughed about it and finally she got the drugs and was sent to the children's ward to recover.
Did make me realise though how much medical terminology we use and how scary, these often perfectly innocent words, can be to the average Joe Public.
At break we had a discussion about the fate of this British guy in Iraq. I personally feel desperately sorry for him and his family, and cannot begin to imagine their anguish. I cannot, however, get all het up over it. It was his choice to go over there and work. Why? I asked. Greed, the others told me. (One of the girls knew someone who worked over there as a security officer getting paid 200 quid an hour. But he got v scared and came back).
This British guy knew the risks and the dangers. Why do that to his family. Put himself at so much risk and why weren't they more careful about security? He's in a war zone. Only people who have no choice should be there.
He's not young but has a young Thai Bride. He must have wanted the money for her. Well, I'm afraid the ones I love I want SAFE. Money doesn't buy happiness. It's the root of all evil and has allowed evil to take him in Iraq. A desperate cruel evil. It's not worth it but no doubt people will still do it. Well their eyes are open. Even moreso now.
In a moment the lovely Abby and Danika will arrive to plague the internet, so beware. Lock up your sons whatever age they are!
I'm going to Eurodisney at the beginning of January so have to go pay the balance this weekend. We're staying in the Sequoia Lodge.
We've been a couple of times before and always enjoy it. Lots to do and see. Also Paris nearby for a bit of city culture. Going to fly to Charles De Galle hope nothing collapses on us!
Caption Competition. This postcard is awful. Note the tranny looker on the left and that awful Pink Jumper. And what exactly is the weird animal on the floor who looks like he's going to jump? Ahhh those were the days. Send me some funny captions. Best one wins a plastic lily in taupe.
Thursday, September 23, 2004
Being fat and ugly (most unlike Clazza who me and Marie both said is a very pretty girl) I really need to lose some weight and get fitter. But when I mention 'diet' my family and friends take a sharp intake of breath.
You see for the past three years I have been very ill with depression and anxiety disorder. I'm also prone to compulsions....BIG compulsions.
When I became ill, it was at a time when my life has spiraled madly out of control. I couldn't grasp the edges of anything. Nothing was the right shape, nothing as it was. People talked over my head. My family took my girls for a while. I couldn't work. Nothing was as it had been. I'd lost control majorly. I've no idea why I decided it, but I decided that if I couldn't control what went into my mouth, There was no control. I began to diet. No, wrong word, I began to starve. And in 5 months I had lost 4 stone. I'd also began to obsessively walk and exercise. I had a schedule that had to be kept or else the world would end. I loved the feeling of the burn and the rush of happiness that exercise can give.
My diet was totally rigid. Usually a piece of fruit or an egg for breakfast. A ryvita for lunch and a weight watchers meal for dinner. Ok it was something....But ashamedly I have to confess to being bulimic, Without the bingeing. I NEVER cheated. If I felt in any way full, I would vomit. It's easy. Its quick and simple and makes me feel great afterwards.
I never bought food and feel that's prob why the kids are so obsessed with food being in the house now. The kids ate school dinners and what I ate really. Not a lot.
I ended up at the psychiatrist who said I was clinically anorexic.
So how did I end up fat again? Well the diet helped to tip me right over the edge of all sanity and after a while the Demons appeared in my life. They'd watch me, follow me, whisper to me. Try to suffocate me in bed. I didn't tell anyone for ages but one day at the doctors I refused to sit in the waiting room. There were about 6 of them there all watching me. The doctor asked me what the problem was and I couldn't tell him, then it all came out. That was the day I started anti-psychotic drugs. The mix of those and the anti-deps caused a weight surge. I also became sluggish and immobile, sleepy and calm.
Then to add totally to all my problems, my thyroid has overgrown and was occluding my throat. Breathing was a problem and I had surgery to remove a huge goiter which had grown into my lungs.
I took a while to recover from that surgery and the weight piled back on. The drugs caused water retention. My ankles swelled like melons. I could hardly walk .
To cut a very long arduous story at that point....... I SURVIVED everything. I came off the anti -psychotics (expecting a weight loss which never happened) I'm still taking the Effexor and internet research has brought up loads of cases of patients who take high dose effexor, for over two years, as having massive weight gain which is impossible to shift.
I'd love to ditch the drugs but a few tries has resulted in me not being right (at work mainly) and work is v v v important to me. I'm good at it.
I guess it will happen sometime.
Clazza said to me 'Better fat than mad' and that's true.
But I'm going to be sensible and try to get fitter. Maybe joint the local gym and ditch the bad food. Eat more fruit and veg. I ordered some scales from Amazon last night. It's a start!
I arrived at work to find utter chaos. They had us booked for sixteen patients in 2 hours. And they all needed stuff done. There was just me and Rach and three students....Oh God!
So my feet didn't stop until about 1pm. The students were okish, TBH they were just responding to orders rather than learning. But there again! The best way to learn is to do it! There was a point when we simply didn't have enough room for them all. I found myself, cajoling the docs to get on with it and after a while one turned around and accused me of being very bossy As if!
I do think I earned a healthy, don't fuck with her, kind of response from the students though. They stopped standing around with their hands in their pockets and rewrote the kardex's when I pointed out I would not accept such illegible handwriting.
Glad to be home though. The house, after being so tidy for my guests, is a mess again. Plus I've got tons of washing to do. Abby brought home a letter from school saying they want 25 pounds for an art kit so she can do her GCSE in Art. WHAT? Is this normal? She also asked for a Maths book. She told me, much to my incredulousness, that she hasn't had a proper Maths teacher during the whole of her secondary schooling. Just a succession of supply. Seeing Abby's main issue is with Maths, this is appalling. Plus her new teacher, though really nice, can't control the class. The class is at a lower level..... Because Abby has a prob with Maths. These lower level kids don't seem to want to learn. I'm not sure what to do about it. Once they go to Secondary education , you seem to lose that autonomy over what happens.
On a better note, Danz is receiving extra help at her school and wheels are in motion to help her.....But ONLY after I went in (Steve told me to!) and spoke to them. What's going on with Education these days?
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
Aaarggh Never underestimate the Chef....or is it the guitarist. Seagal in a cave with a guitar a big blue ring and those eyes....bearing into your very soul. BTW Steve that's not the way to hold your instrument.
"Some of my best friends are songs
some of them old ones , some of them new,
All of them waiting with nothing to do
But share a few moments with youuuuuu
Some of my best friends are songs"
We students back at work. They've already done 3 months with us, so I wasn't amused when one of them told me she didn't know where the fridge was today. She was v lucky I was in laid back post-vodka mood.
In my day we'd be scared to talk to a staff nurse, let alone answer like that. How times change!
The kids father has pissed me off completely. Danz is going on school camp (80 quid) next week. Seeing he only gives me 75 pounds a calendar month for her....(is this fair?) I asked for a contribution and he hasn't come up with the goods. This is the only additional thing I have asked asked for. Is it right that he hands over the child maintenance and then that's it? His bit over? wash his hands of them. Feel great because he paid his CSA money. She's rather upset and feels let down. Maybe we should climb on top of the roof of the local rough pub to protest? /:(
Abby has gone to stay with Danika overnight....yay. A whole morning without her sulkiness. Mind, she was on minor best behaviour for Clazza's visit.
Stalker news. I once told him that we had nothing in common and he asked in what way. I remember saying that I liked movies, and he never watches any. For the last three days he has emailed me with the name of a movie he has watched (sadly alone, he always puts) today is The Patriot. Yesterday, Message in a Bottle. If he thinks that will attract me?
And yes we did call you Jude. We wanted to say hi and wished you'd come too. xxx
Well I hope to go see Clazza next month and I got my girlie weekend in Cardiff to look forward to. So I'm a lucky Trin really.
Speechless which is rare. She doesn't look much on the cover really. I'd love to buy it to see what it says.
Time to say Goodbye to Clazza. She has to return to MadCity where her men are awaiting her return. One last picture. Friends together united through a love of all things socky (and alcoholic and chocolatey). My socks say 'Want to Play?'
This keyboards not working very well....Wonder what happened to it when I went to bed?
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
So we chatted about life, men, sex, my stalker, sextuplets, girls things, birth, weirdos, my fav man etc etc. The girls are disgusted that I haven't got rid of the stalker yet and reckon he's a looney. I showed them my emails....hmmm the latest one. 'Come over and scrub my back. I'm taking a bubble bath.' Answer. 'Why don't you drown yourself, you pervert'.
Anyways, least we had a healthy dinner....With salad which counteracts the Cadburys Stackers we had with the Baileys.
We also rang Judeee two times but she didn't answer us :(
Clazza going home tomorrow, sad now. Never mind, I'll go see her in Madcity soon enough, find myself some Madcity talent.
I will not run through the house with a condom wrapper in my mouth, especially when my human's grandmother is over.
My human will never let me eat her pet rat, and I am at peace with that.
I will not leap into my human's chair which she has temporarily vacated, and then bite my human on the tush when she sits back down.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not sniff at my male human's feet after he takes his shoes off, freeze my mouth open in disgust and then sniff my private parts to compare odors. My female human might find it amusing, but my male human does not appreciate it, especially in front of company.
Read More:- Pete's Site
Thanks to Grumblemag
I love sock shops. Places dedicated to selling these marvelous items of footery. All colours shapes and sizes. Patterned, plain or glittery. You name it they got it.
Of course there is a sock etiquette that some forget.
- Socks with sandals. A definite fashion disaster. But still loved by nerds throughout the Cosmos
- Knitted socks. Even if granny insists the answer is always NO
- White knee socks once you're over 4. You can see your mother still dresses you.
- White socks with black trainers. Very wide boy image. No go
- Men in Winnie the Pooh socks. Yes I know Marks and Spencers sell them but that doesn't mean you have to buy them.
- Grey socks that were once white. The washing machine disaster. Bin them
- Socks worn in bed. NOOOOOOOOOOOO
- Socks on whilst screwing. This contrary to popular male belief is not sexy
- Socks down the front of your pants? We women can tell. No fooling the trained eye
- Socks with toes. FFS think about Clazza's webbed feet. No no no no no
Love your socks. Treat them right. Treat yourself to a new pair and not just at Christmas. Socks are for life.
As the legendary George Michael once poignantly sung
"Socks are natural - socks are good
Not everybody wears them But everybody should
Socks are natural - socks are fun
Socks are best when it's....one foot in one
one in one "
Tonight my mate Marie's coming round to discuss men, life, drink, vibrators, rubber wear, and chocolate. Sounds good. Drunk posting may happen so beware.
Sunday, September 19, 2004
Why has this suddenly become an issue? The media jumps on such stuff and clings like leeches. As if they are suddenly presenting us with something new and ground breaking. It's even obvious to even the layman that the very premature baby is fragile and all sorts of things can happen. They aren't mature enough at 26 weeks to breath and live without help. Otherwise we'd be born at 26 weeks. But technology and medicine can help them to grow and live...Some normally but sadly others with some or a lot of disability which doesn't always show itself immediately.
Each family is counseled and told the risks. I have worked in NICU and it is a very stressful and roller coaster time for those poor parents. I remember once seeing a 27 weeker brought in and his parents crying at the end of the incubator and I remember the feeling of pity for them, because I knew what they were going to have to suffer, and in the end still not be sure the baby was going to be ok. But if you asked them , shall we not do anything?. The answer would have been an emphatic NO. The chance of life is all they ask.
Each day is a mile stone, each problem to be overcome. Each step forward often brings two steps back. Parents are well informed in NICU and know the risks.....or ok they think they know the risks. But you cannot take peoples decisions out of their hands. Unless you have an extremely good reason.
Try telling these parents that we won't try to save their daughter. See what they say
Baby Amy fighter
clarrie is furious
clarrie is working on several land and human rights issues
clarrie is not the only person at the table with a secret
clarrie is telling pat about yesterday's baby spice incident
clarrie is widely respected as an industry specialist for asparagus
clarrie is the current president of the wondai show society
clarrie is now living with his new 'hug' in australia
clarrie is a local bum with no money
clarrie is an orthodox bayldonist
clarrie is becoming uncontrollable
clarrie is loveable
clarrie is a student from london, a 15 year old french prostitute with webbed feet
clarrie is an 85 year old widower who is australian born pensioner and lives in his own home
clarrie is at present on a visit to this part; and will go into camp on the 6th prox
clarrie is avoiding work today
clarrie is discerning my every mood and condition
clarrie is absolutely stunned as adam tells him that they'd like him to accompany them down to the station
clarrie is 30 years old
clarrie is a pet form
clarrie is seen here making bricks
Saturday, September 18, 2004
Tsunami. One of natures most frightening, awesome and devastating entities. I find them facinating. Imagine living somwhere where one could hit at anytime and destroy and wash away all life and property? The
This day September 18th 1906 a tsunami hit Hong Kong and killed Ten Thousand people. A huge loss of life. Still no effective warning system has been made that can predict when one of these monster waves will hit next.
"Pizza and ice-cream are my favourite foods. Red is my favourite colour and cats are just the best pets ever"
"The Pizzatorte and the ice are my food of the person of the favoriteor thing. The red color is my color of the person of the favorite orthe thing and the cats are the better domestic animals neversufficiently"
thanks to laphroaig
Dom isn't bad looking actually. Now better do something..... Usher is blaring away upstairs. If he says 'yeah' one more time........
Friday, September 17, 2004
How come I never knew about such things? Pubic wigs? Available in all colours styles and sizes. I'm watching the Channel Five programme on Hairy Women, but TBH its all about normal women who want no hair at all. I thought it was going to be some medical programme on seriously hairy women. Its all bikini waxing galore. OMG I just checked the website and you can get the Merkins for men, in grey! Go Grandad!
Well I must be incredibly feminine because I have NEVER shaved my legs ever in my whole life. I simply don't grow hairs there. I wonder if I'm normal?
So resist the temptation to buy Robbie. Get the Human League greatest hits instead and all together now..... 'I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.........'
Strikers wind me up. The ultimate slap in the face to the general public. I could never strike, and even if I could I wouldn't. I couldn't leave my patients in danger.
Does anyone ever get anywhere from striking?
There's a business in Bristol where the work force went on strike for a few weeks and the owner asked them back to talk. They said No, so she sacked the lot and took on new ones. When you take on the job you know the pay. Ok so inflation rises and cost of living goes up, so we want more. But some of the demands are ludicrous.
So Happy New Year to you, Tube Unions. You better stay in though because London's going to be chaos. And it's all your fault.
NB* Also found on same website in comments box "When I'm travelling on busy tubes with my rucksack I always take it off and drop it into the dead-space between my legs"
Note to poor man with only dead space between his legs...."don't be so hard on yourself mate!
There is no St Johns for anyone under the age of 16.
Then I had to back-track and ask if she can join Guides instead. It's ok I like Guides anyways. I think they encourage self thinking strong women. But I was mightily embarrassed.
A mum brought a baby in to see us. He was with us a month ago, came in not feeding well but turned out he was really sick and nearly died. Spent a while in ICU. It was just lovely to see him and made me all emotional. His mum left me a thankyou note and it was just beautiful (plus fresh cream cakes !) You know sometimes I have the best job in the world. It's so critical, life and death. Children are so precious and makes me very humble and honoured that I'm allowed to care for them.
So I'm home hooray! I got guests coming in a few days so I need to do some serious, hide the crap under the beds, housework. I'm really looking forward to my weekend!
I got some wine and beer and two packets of those nice chocolate stackers. What more could we need?
Danz starts St John Ambulance tonight. Following in her mothers footsteps! (not) No doubt we will have practice arm slings and bandaging for a while.
Thursday, September 16, 2004
So men in tights guard Tony Blair.
Ok, Most are former army officers but, by tradition, wear frock coats, knee breeches, black tights, buckled shoes and carry swords. Jolly lovely to take pictures of but in this day of suicide bombers and evil threats, really appropriate?
The chief security guy looks about 80 and had velvet knee breeches on as well! (didn't notice a basque though)
Imagine... Intruder enters building... 'hang on whilst I unbutton my frock coat so I can tackle you mate'.
The Americans look robotic in their suits and armoury they carry, but they look feasible as security guards. I suggest Combats and a gun...Ok no-one likes guns. But hey the baddies have them. So we have to respond.
We have guns and bullet proof clothing at airports but swords and fancy dress at parliament. Very endearing.
Seems like about 30 people have been here today looking for Hurricane Ivan Pictures. Poor Lucy's parents have lost their house to it. Now it seems Tropical Storm Jeanne is now a hurricane. Lets hope we never have Hurricane Abigail. It would be a wild one.
Yes buy buy my brain said and within 2 minutes I had a nice young man bending over my boot shoving it in.
Straight home, rip off the packaging and Hoover to my hearts delight.
Go on ask any woman...My mate Clazza Has a Hoover on her wish list! People talk about their Dysons like they're a member of the family. "My Dyson's been to University, it can clean and hold an amusing conversation at the dinner table" Dyson Dyson Smyson. Mine's a bagless bush and I'm proud of him...Yes its a him ok?
I arrived at work today to a car park full of cars. I noticed a few empty spaces that other drivers were ignoring, when I looked closer I could see why. Bloody women drivers! They had reversed parked in and taken their own place plus most of the other as well. How damn selfish. Of course I'm sure they were women, mainly because the hospital has a fair majority of women workers, plus the cars were female looking. The teddies on the dashboard. The pink/lilac colour paint work. The fluffy blanket on the back seat....Or for the married with kids ones, The car seat plus crisp packets, half eaten McDonald's and toys.
So I'm a determined bitch. I reversed perfectly straight into the parking slot next to her. This meant that I was parallel and almost touching the drivers door. I had room to get out but no way could she get in. I was delighted to see she'd gone when I got back. She must have climbed over the passenger side. Maybe she'll park with care next time.
I phoned those Bailiffs at work and told them again , they had the wrong woman. This prompted a discussion about bailiffs at work. I was told a story about a well off elderly lady who lived with her son, who owned his own business. He went away for a week abroad and she opened the mail for him. One letter was one from a bailiff demanding £526 or they'd come to the house. She got all stressed and phoned up the company immediately and paid on her bank card. When her son came back from holiday, she told him expecting him to be pleased. He wasn't. The debt wasn't his. It was the same surname but a different surname, and he didn't owe any money. The bailiffs had picked the address at some random hoping they got the right man, and yes they got paid.
She's still trying to get a refund now.
Now Abby's told me she's making Macaroni Cheese in school next Tuesday. Well Clazza, you know what you'll be getting for dinner! Least its a veggie option. At least its not trifle again. She added double the amount of water to the jelly last time. It was kinda sloppy to say the least!
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
I'm bad tsk. Yesterday we decorated the bathroom with this self sticker border of fishes and the sea bed. Trouble is we didn't get it straight so the sea bed gently slopes down. Every time I look at it I get irritated. You reckon the sea bed is level anyways? So today I buy a picture to compliment it all beautifully framed for ten pounds. But I've lost the bloody hammer, how can you lose a hammer? but its gone. So I can't put it up. I get into such a tizz even with the smallest DIY job. I shouted at Danz for standing there being dumb. The only time Abby ever sticks up for her is when I'm mean then she gives me this evil look..."leave her alone"... and hugs Danz. Anyways I reckon I'll have to buy a new hammer! I do like my little Rainbow fish though.
Today the Bailiffs are due to come and remove her furniture! Hmmm but she doesn't live here. I've been here a year now and it was empty for ages before that.
I was ok until I suddenly realised it's an unpaid COURT FINE. That gives them the right, with police help if necessary, to break down the door to gain access. So I phoned them up and explained yet again.
I remember that bailiff programme on BBC1. They filmed a bailiff hammering on a door at 7am to get money for a court fine. The lady answered in her nightie. She was American, only been in the country a few weeks. The previous, fine owing, resident was long gone. This poor American woman was terrified. She knew nothing of bailiffs and the like. She thought he was trying to attack her. She called the police and hid sobbing. The police came and were very cross with the bailiff. He still insisted on some ID from her, which was finally given with gentle and apologetic coaxing from the police. Poor woman.
So I'm fretting they'll do that to me. Bailiffs are never good looking either. They are all stocky and bull dog looking with a sarcastic tone. Tsk watch this space.
So I went for plain black to be safe and as my mate Clazza says...bling bling and accessorize.
I visited the lush Ann Summers shop. Bought my friend a new Vib for her b/day. I had this little teenage shop assistant 'helping' me.
'This ones good' She said holding up the purple glittery one. 'Yeah got that, its okish' .' Well what about this one, it sells well', The Clit Kit. 'Nah that one has no power'. 'Hmm you seem quite experienced with these' She decided.Behind me were two young men playing with the Deluxe Rabbit and giggling like a couple of Church School Girls. Bet they no nothing about the power of orgasm!!
On the way out of the car park I was confronted by two separate women drivers. One couldn't make the turning to go up the ramp and had ran over the little ledge. There was a huge queue behind her as she tried ineffectively to maneuver off. Then at the barriers the woman in front couldn't work out that you had to push your ticket into the little slot in order to leave. That sort, give women drivers a bad name.
Then a huge traffic jam at the zebra crossing. No lights, just a steady stream of pedestrians walking over the road and holding up the traffic. When it was my turn I just drove on and made it clear I wasn't stopping. I'm very bad behind the wheel (Don't be scared Clazza I'll be gentle with you in the car).
Isn't that Bling Bling site amazing. No I'm not going to get those teeth either...unless..........
*Fuck-Me Boots tsk he is very baad
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Thursday night on Channel Four at 9pm starts a new series. Living with my Crazy Parents. This programme is of great interest to me, as I was severely depressed for the last three years and only recently really have surfaced through the black tunnel to the light of living.
The programme focuses on three families where the child has been paramount in caring for and helping their parent to live.
Its quite hard for me to talk about the past and those awful black times. And I could feel ashamed of myself. But mental illness can effect all of us at some point in our lives. Depression is a chemical Imbalance within the brain and the balance is very hard to realign. I have drug therapy with Effexor, a newish drug which my GP (family Doctor) admitted to knowing little about. But at times I also took Risperadone, Stelazine and Olanzapine. I took Risperadone for quite some time but yes...Got off them!
I am not crazy though, crazy is a bad term. But those of us who've been depressed or lived closely with someone whose had it, can jest about it. Because humour is good and keeps us going.
Me and the girls can laugh now at me sat under the dining room table because I didn't feel safe. But I still feel guilty about the amount of stress Abby suffered, worrying about me constantly when she should have been enjoying childhood and school. Being woken up at 3am because I'd seen a demon and wanted a hug. How did she cope with all of that?
Because she loved me, unconditionally and totally.
I'm well now. Life is worth living again. I have some self worth. Needs working on but its there. My friends really help...Those who stuck around anyways.
And you know what? I'm a better person for it. Certainly a better nurse with tons more understanding. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
If you're a depression sufferer or suffer anxiety or panic attacks and you want to talk please email me. I do understand.
Don't judge or make assumptions about people. Never laugh or make fun of. Don't pity or dismiss because one day it could be you, and its hell. But is is possible to come out the other side again. Just hold out that hand and accept some help.
"Beneath Batman or 'PRATMAN' (Star and Mirror) hangs a banner on which is written the message: 'SUPER DADS OF FATHERS 4 JUSTICE, FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO SEE YOUR KI.'
The final part of Batmans strap line is curled around a parapet, so although we are pretty confident the 'KI' is one half of the word 'KIDS', it might just as easily says 'KIPPERS', 'KITCHEN' or perhaps a thematic 'KING PENGUIN'"
So yet another stupid publicity stunt. You know one day someones going to be hurt doing this. Funny thing was the whole point of the protest was missed with the outrage at the lax palace security
I saw quite a few Buskers in London and some of them were awful...especially the late night ones in the tube stations. There was one at Covent Garden who wasn't too bad until he started on Simon and Garfunkel. But I'd have like to have seen this Ballerina. She looks simply beautiful. What a treat for Tube Travellers.
What is it with the weather? This morning we had gale force winds, torrential sheet rain and it was bloody cold. Kizzy was desperate to go outside but she doesn't like the wind or the rain so spend the day in a sulky spiteful mood. As if the weather is my fault and I did it on purpose!. Never mind have you seen those Hurricane Ivan Pictures? I think I should stop moaning right now!