Saturday, December 31, 2005

Goodbye 2005

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne"

(auld lang syne - times gone by)

2005 a strange year.
One in which I seem now to be a lot better mentally. I've finally got some real help and Image Hosted by ImageShack.usrecognised I was floundering... Then realised that actually... Hang on there Trin... You were doing better than you thought.
A sad one. Losing my Nan. The loss of Katie. Watching Collette have such a sad year.
Coming to terms with lots of stuff.
Danz starting senior school. Being charged at the Vets just to be told Bailey is very fat!
Becoming virtual DIY expert. Going to Ireland for the first time.
A damn good year musically. My love of the Kaiser Chiefs, Kills, Kasabian, Keane and more things beginning with K. Seeing the Magic Numbers.
Good, loyal and very patient friends! Stuck with me through trial and tribulation.
I wish you all a very Happy New Year. May it be prosperous, healthy and happy. And I love you all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I may not always show it but I do appreciate every single one of you.

2006 Chinese Year of the Dog.

Better be nicer than 2005.


RealDoll - Introduction
Real Feel PeterDamn missed the $150 money off offer.......

(Having Deja Vue... seem to remember a certain Bath Picture very similar to this one from my past............... ) I hasten to add, it was sent to me and I wasn't actually in the bathroom... I'm far too pure!

Earth Cam 2006

EarthCam - New Years 2006 / New Years Eve 2005

Watch the world celebrate New Years Eve. Watch the drunk Londoners climb Nelsons Column... Mind that's if any of them go out with the bloody miserable scroogy Tube Drivers Strike. Bunch of Idiots. I hate strikers. Imagine if Nurses took Strike Action?
Someone I knew once went to Times Square in NY for NYE. They said it was incredibly dull.
Maybe I'll watch and see. Next doors having a little soiree tonight. I might wander in, grace them with my presence... I'll see.

Friday, December 30, 2005

No longer a DIY cretin (well ok not quite)

the end productwood glue yeuk!

cd case
Danielle brought herself a DIY cd case thing... and it came with loads of small screws and *horror* wood glue.
I put it together tonight. I had a really sexy little tool case for Christmas. Just the right size for me. The screwdriver heads are magnetic, but they fit so well. Anyways despite the japanesey type instructions, I managed to fit it all together and I'm rather proud of it. This weekend I'm going to do shelves... watch this DIY space!

Kittens Galour

Image Hosted by

My sister has new kittens. Keyop and Tiny.
I love new kittens. Always playful and inquisitive yet will fall asleep where they drop. Makes Bailey look like a huge fat lump!

Royal mail tale with a sting

I'm waiting for two parcels. One is a gift for me and one was meant to be a gift for demonic imagesmy dad for Christmas. Neither have shown. I don't think either will come now.
Last Friday, however, the postie tried to deliver a registered letter. I'd assumed it was my passport. I had to send it off to get Abby one (which came today hooray!) but my passport and documents came by courier yesterday, so it couldn't be that.
I was perplexed and have to admit to having a restless night last night... Maybe it was an unpaid bill. Someone taking me to court. A nasty demanding letter?
So I decided to collect it on the way to work today.
Something was telling me NOT to collect it. I lost the Royal mail card for a start. Spent 1/2 hour looking for it.
Then rang the office who said I didn't need it anyways.
So off I set, and arrived to an empty office.. No one wants letters after Christmas.
The post woman nipped off to find the letter and arrived with a letter that looked a bit like a card.
weird I'd also kind of expected a card from Ireland before Christmas, so as I looked at it I thought it was that one.
I signed for it then, could have kicked myself after I turned it over.
It was from my Stalker Azhar.
I opened it at the office and showed the lady.
It was a weird card. Full of demonic images, rats, demons and weird images.
I was freaked... Very freaked. Though maybe someone could explain to me that this card isn't as bad as I think? Maybe it's some artistry that I don't fully appreciate?
I'm freaked by the card but also the need to send the card by registered post. The control factor of being able to track that I signed for it and received it.
There's an address on it, but different to the last address. This one is at Earls Court.
Wish he'd stop. I don't like it one bit.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

stamp foot for a lollypop.

I have been such a miserable old bag these last three days. Snappy, quick to yell, miserable, a distinct lack of sense of humour, and a nasty mean mummy.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.usI feel better today though, why? I've been to work. Had a purpose to the day. Had adult conversation.
Now work isn't my life, bloody hell, imagine that. I like my days off, and I'm glad I didn't work yesterday. It sounded horrendous.
One ward is shut for a week because the mice infestation has got so bad. The little bleeders were sitting on patients beds at night and eating food from the lockers.
The Mothers kept screaming and disturbing the peace... tsk.
I do feel so much happy though, I feel silly. My life isn't bad, It's good. I could do with a bit more money, sex and a new car... Oh and I need a miracle to weight loss but apart from that I can't complain.
Trouble is I have really bad unrealistic expectations of people. I work stuff out in my head and think how great it'll be. Then when my plans fall apart I get all mad and upset... Sound like a spoilt 2 year old?
Then spank me.
Actually, I'd quite like that.

My Chair

bring me more cream!
There's never anywhere to sit in this house. Yesterday I bought some chocolate faux fur throws for the chairs, makes it cozy. I'd barely unwrapped them and was positioning them and she'd jumped on, padded around a bit and rested her huge lump of a backside on them... And didn't move for hours.
It's a cat's life in this house.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

do not read

How come that when I start to feel the slide of the misery self pitying avalanche, I try so hard to think of all the people around me, who really deserve to feel self pity. I try to think of all the things I should be grateful for and all the good things in my life... But I still end up miserable.
It started yesterday. I cried a lot, felt very alone and was oh so miserable.
But today... OMG. My sisters bf just came in to deliver Ironing. He told me he's going to my other sisters for tea.
This news set me off completely. I feel so alone today. Abby hasn't left her room all day and Danz is upstairs with a friend.
OK I guess this has been my best Christmas, I've kept it together all over the holidays despite not feeling 100%. I just wish I didn't know that I will always be alone at Christmas. Because I will. Christmas is a time you spend with your nearest and dearest. I'm never going to be anyone's dearest one. Because I'm vile and bad and disgusting.
Now, to finish the bottle of wine and go sob into my pillow... If the cat will get off of it..

I can see the TV

I took those damn Vaifocals back today. Hmph, the manager wasn't all that pleased but he was professional, and did say that they could have been measured and dispensed better, that the lenses were off and that's why I couldn't see very well and he's taken them back to put new lenses in.
I guess I can't ask for better, hope I cope when I get them back though. I did ask him if maybe I'd chosen too small a frame, he said the frame was fine. Thank God, I have no desire to have Deirdre Barlow Glasses.
Talking of Deirdre... Hasn't Christmas Telly been awful. The usual crash and burn Casualty edition when a member of the 'team' always meets it's maker. Lots of blood and exposed tissue and emotions running high.
I see Eastenders Dennis Rickman is about to be murdered for New Year. It's traditional, like the turkey, that someone from Eastenders dies at Christmas. Bloody heck, they may as well open a morgue there. Ah well, that's what we Brits like. A bit of death and wailing to brighten up our festive season.


Heavens BikeChristian love
Once again I find myself bombarded with emails from the Christian Dating Site... Encouraging me to Find a Match made in Heaven. Does this mean I'm officially dead? Am I actually in Heaven and if I am... fuck me, where's all the fun I've been promised?
I took a glance at the site...Note the politically Correct couples. All Man/woman... no mixing of skin colour... Even the ages are the same. We haven't got no old codger with an 18 year old play thing. Todd and Dawn, Scott and Cindy, Troy and Elizabeth and Peter and Sarah. All God's little Soul Mates.

NHS carp

I'm meant to be at work now but my body says no (computer says no). I decided last night enough was enough and headed off to the doctors at 08.30.
The surgery was packed... First day back from the holidays. Full of old people coughing and kids with snotty noses and miserable pregnant women. Men with hoodies pulled over caps and the man sat next to me had his Bluetooth dangle in his ear. Why, I have no idea... I guess he thought it was cool. Just Why you need a bluetooth thing if you have no car and live in a bedsit on social security defies logic.
I had this semi hope of going into work afterwards. Yeah right. I waited two hours to be seen. Luckily it was worth waiting because the doctor was one that I'd worked with years ago... An ace doctor. I was really upset that they hadn't done my Gynae referral yet... Total crap. But he'll sort it and he's referred me for an urgent scan and took bloods. Plus I have the magic pills that will make all my problems disappear.
It was too late for work, but I'll go in tomorrow.
So, I'm off to the opticians to sort out these unwearable glasses and then over to pick up Danz's mate Hollie to stay the night.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


I'm a bit of a rip artist. If get mad or upset, I've been known to rip stuff up... Cards, letters, business cards :)
I just ripped up a Christmas Card in Temper.
Ok so I'm divorced. My Brother in law (ex) and his wife met because of my family. She was my sisters best mate.
We always got on really well... Of course until I got ill. Then they like so many others deserted me and the girls.
But last year they came round on Danz birthday and it was good, and I gave their kids gifts and we said keep in touch.
They didn't.
I went round on one birthday and took gifts... This Christmas I bought a special card. Auntie and Uncle at Christmas. The kids signed it and me and we sent it 1st class.
There was no card back.
But today, the kids came back from their dads with a card from them. A very small one from a BHS pack.
It's not the size that upset me. It wasn't the actual card. It was the fact that we got it AFTER Christmas.
I guess I should accept that we are no longer a part of that family. When they held their daughters 5th birthday last year with all the family, including my ex husband and grandparents and didn't invite Abby and Danz, I should have got the message then.
Fucking Christmas... Time of goodwill. Right.
Don't judge me. It's just I've been through a lot and sometimes it all gets on top of me.
The girls took some pictures with their new cameras at Christmas. I downloaded them just now.
They'd taken pictures of me.
I am hideous.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Boxing Day

Hope you're all having Boxing Day fun.... which usually means getting very drunk and falling asleep in front the TV later one. We're going to watch Dark Water later... a nice bit of teen horror.
My sister's both went to watch the Hunt :{ the farming community are a close knit, anti change thing... I guess the ban hasn't really done much?
Danz is lining up her 4 Bratz dolls. I think they're more a decoration than a toy... come on.. women still like dolls. My mate in work bought one of those 'real' feel baby dolls this year. Cost a couple of hundred quid.
I think they're bloody scary.
Abby had a mini fridge for her room, I'll worry when she starts buying Lager to put in it.

Phones & iPods

Just to let you know that the new number I've text you is my one and only number. The other phones are no longer owned by me so don't use them! I think I confused some people by changing my number so soon after the last number change... So the one starting 0775 is the right one. Delete the rest ok?

I've spent some time downloading Abby's new Ipod software. I'm such a stupid cow. I keep forgetting that Windows XP supports individual users and I downloaded it all onto my account... Then had to start all over again with Abby's. Finally sorted it and got her a tenner's worth of iTune gift vouchers which she is using with incredible care.... She's a miser where money's concerned. Quite happy to use my money but when it's in her name... Oh no.I hadn't realised the iPod Mini was going off market. Glad I got it when I did. The Nano although a sexy little thing, has a bit of a reputation for being flimsy. Danz wants a shuffle for her birthday in a fortnight. Anyone know if they're any good? She does love her music. Seeing we use iTunes so much it's probably best to get an Apple one, rather than some other make.
I'm really not well at all. TBH I could sit and cry about it, if I felt well enough to cry. But... You know what? I'm determined not to have that self pity mode on this holidays. I'm trying. That's all I can ask of myself really.
I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow. Though the kids are going to their dads. Guess what? He said he'd have them Holiday Tuesday (tomorrow) they assumed all day... With maybe a party tea or something? But it's 2pm until 4pm.
Soooo over Christmas he chooses to see his kids for two hours.
Nice one.

All Over and all's well

abby.... presents!!
It's Boxing Day. This Day was so great years ago when all my Grandparents were alive. We used to have HUGE family party and go to the pub together. Oh well, now it's a day to chill and rest.
Christmas Day was good. Abby didn't sleep at all Christmas Eve. She just couldn't drop off. Danz slept ok though.
They woke me at 3.30 and opened their stockings.... I went back to sleep... After all I knew what was in it.
Then they woke me at 7 am and did the present stuff. I was pleased this year. I felt I hadn't gone OTT but had given them nice stuff and they were pleased.
We had to be at my sisters by 11 am for breakfast....
where's My presents?
My sister lives in a huge purpose built brand new farmhouse in Priddy. They have a farm with horses and cows and stuff.
We got there and she had the huge green aga cooker on, ready to do dinner. It had been on since 7am.... At 1pm it still hadn't warmed past cool. FFS it was new and had cost 6 grand...
It did eventually heat up to very hot, them started to burn the food. My sister hates the thing. It's either too cold or too hot.
Anyways we had a lovely dinner and everyone was happy... amazing really. These family things are rarely smooth. Funny how we never spend time together anymore. A forced day at Christmas and there's usually something wrong!
I went to sleep after dinner, I'm not 100% ok. In fact I need to see the doctor when they open again. I'm so fed up.
Christmas Tea was the usually glutinous event of cream and sweet stuff (yes she had 6 different types of cream!)
Then out came the most gorgeous Christmas cake.
mary and Joe sit on some icing
Then we all sat spellbound for Doctor Who and it was bloody brilliant... Just fantastic. I know I'm going to love David Tennant. I think he's slightly darker than Chris Ecclestone.
Then home. I hate driving in the dark and it's bloody dark out there in the country side.
We found Taylor asleep on the table, great. It's a Cat's life in this house.
Do Not Disturb

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Getting Dark Now!

The kids have gone to see Narnia again with my Mother. It's a bit of a single parent tradition we made up these past few years that I take them to the cinema on Christmas Eve. We saw Lord of the Rings and HP on previous years.
Image Hosted by ImageShack.usBut this year, I let them go alone. I'm none too grand today. Not going to go into details but it only happens to women ok?
Never mind. I feel a bit better now I've thrown up......
Christmas Eve is my Favourite Day of the whole year.
I was thinking about what Donna said a while back about remembering her Gran on Christmas and I bought some lovely flowers this morning in my Nan's memory. But I couldn't stop crying thinking about it. I'm going to give them to my mum to put in her house.... My Nan's house, Just something to say I remember you Nanny and I still love you and think of you every single day... Especially Christmas time. My first Christmas without any grandparents. Getting older. No wiser though.

Anyways, no dipping into self pitying misery.
It's Christmas Eve and Santa comes this night. So what television gems are on for me to watch whilst I wait for the great man to show?
Hmmm. Well we've had a selection of family films... The dreadful Small Soldiers and HP is on now, which is always watchable. But later we Have Casualty@Holby which basically means a huge disaster with people dying and suffering. Legs severed and members of staff snuffing it. What deep joy to end a dreadful year of REAL disasters and terror bombings. Or we could always watch Stars in Their Eyes Christmas Special. Celebrity Duets. This includes Paul Daniels and Debbie McGee and the vile Vanessa Feltz doing some Renee and Renato, Sonny and Cher extravaganza. I think I'd rather rip my nails out whilst performing Riverdance than watch such dross.

Christmas Eve

I've been hard pushed not to be swept along by the Christmas panic buying and stockpiling at the shops.
FFS the shops are only closed ONE day, not a week. I noted I had only 4 toilet rolls left yesterday and went into panic mode... What was I going to do?
Then I stopped and thought WTF? Crazy behaviour.
The girls are a bit upset... Well Abby anyways. You know how she interprets everything. Her father dropped a card off each for them last night. Least we think it was their dad as he didn't knock. The cards were written from Dad and Julie... In her handwriting. Abby was most upset by this. Mainly because she hates Julie.
I'm still expecting 2 parcels from Amazon. Hope they come. I missed something yesterday but It was a registered letter, so I reckon it was my passport being returned and documents?
Work has been a total nightmare. There seems to be very little Christmas Cheer there this year. Hardly surprising as they're closing us down next year and we're all being shunted to different places around Bristol. Also we have always shared the duties of working Christmas Day and Boxing Day... Usually 5 hour shifts. But this year they're working 12 hour shifts. Imagine working 07.30-20.00 on Christmas Day? One girl has got 12 hours on Christmas and Boxing Day.
Lots of people have left as well. The girl who got married last Christmas has gone. I liked her too. I did get a beautiful hand made card from my Favourite 6 year old on Thursday. I've looked after her since she was a very sick little baby and she is so special. I gave her a gift and she said I was her fav nurse (gifts do miracles!)
hot pink and sexyI also had a slightly early Present from my special friend this week, a hot pink Motorola Razr. I was so surprised. It's so sexy and sleek and cool (I'd like to be all those things)
Anyways it's on Virgin so I'll text you the new number.
Hope I like Virgin... I got it set up so we shall see if they impress me.
The tree has lots of gifts under it (for the girls mostly) but one or two for me. They've been busy wrapping me up stuff all week. Bless them, they love Christmas and try so hard to make me happy.
Little do they know, but they make me very happy. They are very special Children and I am blessed to have them to call my own.
(This sentiment may come from the fact, I just had a bad dream where I shouted at the kids so much that they left me...)

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

3 Days till Santa comes.

I drove a friend into town, and stopped at Asda Beirut on the way back in some half hearted attempt to do some food shopping. I don't 'get' all this manic panic buying of jars of pickle and tins of biscuits for cheese.
Ok, so I don't cook Christmas dinner, so maybe I'm naive when it comes to having three or four different types of cream or the most unusual selection of cheeses ever, that no one eats and ends up being chucked away on January 3rd.
I also hate it because I seem to buy something else for the girls, for the bloody 'stocking' . As kids our fav bit of Christmas was the stocking. I think it's my girls too. The excitement of feeling the outside of it and dragging out each little treasure. My sister is having her step kids for the very first time this year on Christmas Eve. They aren't 'doing' Christmas with their mum as she's taking them on Holiday abroad for New Year... So they were firmly told there would be NO gifts at all.
They're only 11 and 9 so I think that's harsh, after all a holiday is also for the adults. Christmas is too special to say no gifts?
My sister is well chuffed though because she can do the big stocking bit and get all the exciting build up with them.
(she's not sure they even do stockings... Their mother's into Crystal Therapy and Spiritual Church and faith healing)

Anyways, I digress. Why do stupid idiots have to take their whiney kids out on an evening shopping? Bloody brats. Throwing themselves around the floors and screaming because they can't have that dolly even though Santa comes in a few days.
I did buy the Nizlopi CD. Everyone has to go buy the JCB Song because it rocks and it's real and gritty and sad and funny and adorable and clever. All the things Shayne Ward or Westlife aren't really. Hmmm.

Well, I'm rumblin' in this JCB.
I'm 5 years old and my dad's a giant sitting beside me.
And the engine rattles my bum like berserk
While we're singin, 'Don't forget your shovel if you want to go to work!'
My dad's probably had a bloody hard day
But he's been good fun and bubblin and jokin' away
And the procession of cars stuck behind
are gettin all impatient and angry, but we dont mind.
An' we're holdin up the bypass
Me and my dad havin a top laugh
oh woah
Sittin on the toolbox
And I'm so glad I'm not in school, boss
So glad I'm not in school
Oh no...

And we pull over to let cars past
And pull off again, speedin by the summer green grass
And we're like giants up here in our big yellow digger
Like zoids, or transformers, or maybe even bigger

And I wanna transform into a Tyrannosaurus Rex!
And eat up all the bullies and the teachers and their pets
And I'll tell all my mates that my dad's B.A. Baracus
Only with a JCB and Bruce Lee's nunchuckas
Said I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.
I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.
I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.
I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round

And we're holdin' up the bypass
Weh Oh

Me and my dad havin a top laugh
Weh Oh
And I'm sittin on the toolbox

And I'm so glad I'm not in school, Boss
So glad I'm not in school
I said
I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee. Drives me round in his JCB.
I'm Luke, I'm five, and my dad's Bruce Lee.

Drives me round in his JCB


So. Who walks out of work with a needle and syringe in their pocket? Ummm sorry sir but it's for my alcoholic tree decorations.....
It's all Asmo's fault. He got the idea in my head and I had to try it.

I had Port and Vodka. The port was prettier, in an orchestrated procedure, I drew up the alcohol, and injected the little chocolates with the liquid, then sealed the hole with the back of a warm spoon and then used the frozen Vodka bottle to set the chocolate

Then re-wrapped with the foil and hung on my tree, hope Bailey doesn't break these or it may get a little messy on the carpet....
We don't need no tiddly pussy's in this house thank you.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Santa's little Fluffy Reindeer

Is not a happy Bunnie.

OOOOOH Ipod Toys

iBuzz Music Activated Sex Toy
Well I do mostly listen to my Ipod in bed.......

Mary and Joseph Visit the Doctor

Did I mention I had two Caesarians? ;)

Tuesday and 5 days to go.

I'm mad. The postman tried to deliver a parcel yesterday but we were out. He left one of his stupid cards. Now it usually takes 48 hours for a parcel to reach the depot again but the card stated that I could collect it immediately. Well it is Christmas, so off I trekked this morning.The bloody place is only open from 6am to 11am anyways... Stupid. I'm working the next three mornings and I had no desire to stand in that huge queue on Christmas Eve Morning. It's bloody miles away as well. The traffic was hideous this morning and there was a nasty accident on one of the roads with a woman laid out on the road with paramedics working on her.
I queued up behind the great unwashed and finally got served, to find my parcel wasn't there at all. I was not best pleased. Gits.
I'm not sure the word exquisite is what I'd use for this.
So I went walking through the Bedminster shops for an hour. I wanted a Christmas Table Cloth. Bedminster is lovingly known as Beirut by all who sail in her. It's a chavvy shopping area, with the most diverse group of shoppers ever. Mostly psychiatric cases who live in homes along Coronation Road. Mingled with the very elderly who shop with their baskets on wheels and zimmer frames.
I felt a bit sad, because my Nan used to shop there twice a week and each shop I looked in, I felt sure I could see her bustling around trying to pick out the perfect gift for us kids.
I went into Wilkinsons. They were playing the most dreadful Christmas compilation tape ever. "The weeeaathhherrrr outttttsiidddeee iiiissssss frigghtfuulllllll"
I could feel the hairs go up on my arms and the need to leave the shop envelop me. On the way out I bumped into a silly cow coming out the IN door. She'd lit up a fag and was taking the first puff and exhale right into my face. I was bloody annoyed. I hate smokers so much. But mostly inconsiderate smokers. Those who cannot possibly wait until they've left the shop to light up. Why? Why is it so difficult to wait. Beirut was full of smokers, coughing and spitting in the gutter.
I found a couple of fabric placemats in the Chinese shop that weren't too hideous. On the way out I spotted some "Exquisite" Ashtrays and an ashtray with 2008 marked on it. Hmmmm.
Santa's coming to get'cha little boy hahahahhahahaaaaa
There's a shop called 'Aladdins Cave' that would make The Genie jump back in his magic lamp in horror. Full of scary dolls with evil faces and Garish decorations and lights. I nipped in just to see and was wading through the piles of paper plates and napkins when something behind me made me jump. A 6 foot psychotic looking Santa with Murder on his mind began to sing 'Jingle Bells' and move from side to side. A bargain at 80 quid. As he moved he made this mechanical plastic sound. It was the most scary thing I've seen since The Grudge. People don't really buy that crap do they?

Monday, December 19, 2005

vodka and Ankles.

A Christmassy Get Well message To Clarrie my mate, who seems to have damaged her ankle. We aren't quite sure how she did it but I don't think jumping off the wardrobe dressed as Catwoman helped.... tsk. Poor Clarrie. You rest up girl! What? you are? Right.
Other news here in Trinity Towers. Abigail has returned from a house party... Quite drunk. She hasn't shut up, is talking ten to the dozen, been crying and laughing. Now she's telling me about the vodka in the jelly... The vodka in the milkshake... The vodka in the vodka. She had Archers and wine and WKD and of course Vodka.
Now she feels sick.

Am I better? Why yes Sir

A slow realisation began to hit me Saturday night. My moods have been so much better. Even my usual weekend lows have gone. Mind I can normally find something to feel miserable about. That's the art of being me!
But on the whole, I'm a zillion times better. Stuff that was so important months ago means nothing now. My thinking is more rational and I have a little more energy... Mind I wouldn't rave about that. It's hardly Paula Radcliffe energy.
I wanted to go to Church Sunday. I feel drawn to the place this time of year, I love Carols. I love the whole Baby born in a stable scenario. It comes from working in a baby ward. On Christmas Eve at about 6pm, when it's dark and the fairy lights are twinkling , the carollers come onto the ward and stand and sing carols to the Babies. The little one's who stay Christmas are the sick ones, the ones who can't go home... Too poorly. There they lie in their tiny oxygen boxes. Usually their first Christmas. With tinsel round the cot sides and "Away In a Manger" and it makes me cry every single time.
I am honored to work where I do, to look after other peoples babies and children. What better job?
We had a really sick one brought in on Friday. She arrived half dead. We noted her death like pallour and laboured breathing immediately and quietly began to panic with purpose. Never outwardly frantic but inwardly your heart is pounding. I'd booked her a bed on one of the wards and I raced round to tell them I was coming round with a sickie... But one look at the place and I just knew there was no way they'd cope.It was hectic there so I launched myself on the other ward, apologising for the intrusion but I needed them and I needed them NOW. And they all dropped everything to resuscitate this child. She was so sick that we couldn't get a line in. There was a worrying 10 minutes, then relief and after some time and treatment a different child. I spent some time talking her parents through the procedure and reassuring them.... Never be too reassuring. You never know the outcome. But I'm experienced enough to know stuff and I knew the Doctors we had on were excellent, and she'd be fine in the end.
I could tell it had made a difference because after it ended I caught the Dad's eye and he gave me a thankful look. We'd connected and he'd felt reassured and in control with me being there. I dread to think what another hour would have done though. I'm not sure she'd be here now.
That's what makes the job worth while.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Great Gift

Hope you don't mind I pinched this Asmo... but what a great gift to give someone.......
I'm in a distinctly bad mood today. The set of fairy lights I bought in B&Q 2 weeks ago broke for the third time so I took them back, but that involved disentangling them from the Christmas Tree, a real pain. They refused a refund (I'm not sure they can do that) but gave me gift vouchers which I wasted on pretty Candles.
My real problem though is my eyes. My glasses are a total pain on the ass. First they hurt, behind my ears is so sore, it's agony. My eyes water all day from trying to adjust from the long distance to the reading sight on the varifocals. Have a constant headache, gnawing my head off. And I'm sure this damn prescription is wrong. My right eye lens is ok, I can see to read fine but if I close my right eye and try to read with the left one it's all blurred.
So I'm so pissy.
Also I'm sure varifocals aren't designed for pc workers. I can't get it right, the laptop has to be fairly close so I can type but it's too close to use the Long distance bit and too far away to use the reading bit.
Fuck, I'm so pissed off with them.
Ha, I just had a revelation. I just changed the text size on the tool bar to large and it's a tad better.
I'm sorry I'm such a miserable cow. The girls keep giggling and are highly excitable, understandable really,except... Help I'm turning into my Mother and can't wait for Christmas to be over.

The Church of Narnia

Christ Church, Clifton, Narnia Land:

"11:00 - 17 December 2005
Christ Church, Clifton, has been transformed into the fantastical land of Narnia for a Christmas service. Visitors to the church on Milton Road can enter CS Lewis's land of eternal winter through a giant wardrobe - complete with 8ft fur coats - tomorrow."
Mr Walton expects the church to be full this weekend and over the Christmas period, when he will give sermons with theme including Aslan is on the move and Christmas morning in Narnia.

The church's decorations, including snow provided by provided by* film special effects firm Snow Business, will be up for tomorrow's service, called What if it was always winter but never Christmas?"

Aslan goes to church and it's not even a pet service day
Not so thinly veiled. Interesting stuff.

(looks like God provided* twice...Praise Be)

passport to no-where

The passport office wrote to me yesterday. They can't issue a passport for Abby. A, I didn't provide a full birth certificate. The mini one isn't good enough, so I applied for an expedited one online for £27 (bloody hell) which will arrive Tuesday and B, more importantly she's included on her Dad's passport and they won't issue one until she is removed from his.
I never wanted her on his anyways. Thought it was stupid. We had a blazing row about it and that's why my Passport photo is so awful. I'd been crying because he'd hit me.
So we called him, left messages all day but he never called back. Finally Abby got him at 7pm. He'd been ignoring us.
He wasn't happy about relinquishing his passport. He took some persuading to even listen to us. No passport, no St Lucia.
He refused to give it to Abby to send away with her Birth Certificate along with the special sticker provided so It reaches the correct guy whose dealing with it and the case number clearly marked.
He'll send it himself, he told us.
I'm worried. He better do it or she'll be devastated.

poor santa

Front page news in my local illustrious Paper Whose tring to stab our giant inflatable Santa? probably half of Bristol I would imagine.
blow up santa fears puncture


No thoroughfare

Saturday, December 17, 2005

I can see

I picked up my new glasses today from the dreadful SpecSavers and finally realised just why I havent been able to read books for a while now. I thought it was due to my inability to concentrate but I think it might have something to the fact I couldn't bloody see anything!.Hmph, still feel old wearing Varifocals and the glass is quite thick.... I hope I don't look like Olive from 'On the Buses'
Town was packed with people shopping. I had to buy a new pair of Hair Straighteners because some child of mine left them on the floor and I stood on them and cracked the base. I wasn't best pleased. I got another card today so now I have four. Getting popular or what :)

Friday, December 16, 2005

end of term (as we know it)

The kids finished school today. I hardly saw the point of them going in at all this week as 'Work' seems to be the obscure word in that school.
Every lesson has been a dvd. Science showed the remarkable scientific presentation of 'The Incredibles' that well know look into the life of a superhero and his family.
Worse bit though is when they show something like The Exorcist during RE.
Everyone gives presents, we have presents coming out of our ears... Little boxes of chocolates, soaps, cuddly teddies and body sprays. Each gift I've had to examine with awe. 'Smell this mum... It's lush'.
Hmph, hardly Estee Lauder darling.
(Where does this word 'Prettiful' come from?)
Today Abby had period one and two off. She attended school at 10.30 am. She went to assembly. Was awarded a tenner for being 'good' (right) and school ended at 11.15 am.
GCSE year??
Danielle had to go in at 0830. Had a DVD , assembly where she got a certificate (aww) and allowed home at 12.00.
And so the Christmas Holidays commence.
Oh for the life of a teacher... Well one at THAT school anyways.

Council Christmas.

Sorry I haven't been a good blogger girl this week... There seems to be so much to do this time of year... And not enough hours in the day.
Work is manic. The Bristol traffic ridiculous. Why doesn't everyone stay home, especially those old feckers who drive like there's unlimited time in the day.
Tonight, my evening was interrupted by two knocks on the door. The first one was a group of about 4 nine year olds singing carols. Bah how I HATE carol singers. 'No thankyou' I said Firmly and shut the door.
'That was mean mum...' My oldest reprimanded me. Why?? I never told them to piss off or anything?
Then a bit later, a single child. A rather embarrassed looking 7 year old singing 'We wish you a merry Christmas ' Actually matey WE was not the operative word seeing you were singular.
He had a mother stood behind him... She was a chav looking bitch and was mouthing to her mate about these people who refused to open the doors. Abby made me give him a pound coin but thinking about it afterwards I think the mother was peddling her son off to raise money for herself... Whether it be food, drunks, booze or Fags.
Danz went to the Girl Guides Christmas Party.
On the way home we spotted two lads aged about 15 who'd nicked a wheelie bin and were pulling it down the road. Caps on backwards, goofy teeth and laughing. Yeah right maties. How clever and fun it is it steal a rubbish bin. How cool and challenging and intelligent.
Me and the girls laughed at them as we passed. FFS the youth of this area need bloody boot camp.
Intelligence personified.

Thursday, December 15, 2005


Santa Abby
Tonight was Abby's school Carol concert in Aid of the St Lucia trip. They had to dress up. Abby had a Santa dress on, most were Angels including Abby's teacher whose taking them to St Lucia... Miss C.
Miss C Abby's Teacher
The first half were Carols and a bit of Razz added in, Timmy sang the George Michael classic 'Last Christmas', which sat rather nicely in between 'Once in Royal Davids City' and 'Silent Night'.
the choir and Dan
Dan was the Compere and although he is No Bruce Forsyth, he still managed to do well, despite introducing 'Frosty the Snowman' as 'Little Town of Bethlehem'
Abby and Eloise
I won a bottle of Red wine in the raffle. I wanted the Kerplunk game.... tsk.
Plus,stop press. Dan plays the piano. Rather well. The next James Blunt?