Sunday, April 30, 2006
Two pictures I took with my camera phone last night. The top one shows Teddy Thompson surrounded by a red circle of light. This reinforces my theory that he is in fact an alien life-force sent here to strangely go where no alien has gone before. Namely the Student Uni building in Bristol.
The second picture is even more disconcerting. This also is a picture of Teddy taken with my awful posh PINK razr V3 camera phone. These phones sold by the alienforcewarehouse seek out alien life sources and send a pulse back to UFO HQ in Penge.
The picture actually shows Teddy as a set of blocks. Jumbled up and naked as their alien God intending them to be.
It may distress you to see such a vivid picture of sacrifice and viscousness. But it had to be done.
YSL was hoping to be abducted by Teddies spacecraft. But the tractor beam was broken.
Damn shame that'
"Hello There....how's the going?
Body: Hello there
I am Joseph Anthony Whyte 29 male from Virginia USA,I am patient,generous, kind, and loving. I am always upbeat, have a positive attitude about most things and I like to have fun. I enjoy music, theatre, movies and art. I love to travel, and to go sightseeing.....and I am a fun loving person who loves to laugh and make others laugh. I always try to enjoy the simple things in life,and not take anything for granted......I've a naturally curious mind and love to learn about people, cultures, and so many other things. So meeting someone with different interests they can share with me is a bonus!
I never believed anybody wanna be with a guy like mine who's got a fairy tale about life's experience...i am an orphan ,my parents died in a motor accident...and i was abandoned by my relations...and so i've got nobody in this whole wide world...So i am seeking for someone who's willing to spoil, sex and love me unconditionally, whom is kind, sincere, honest, passionate, loyal, sense of humor, loving and wants a lifetime of passion.........Anyway,i saw ur profile and i liked it......But the worst is that since 3 weeks ago i am stuck down in the west africa....So u can IM me or E-mail me on my yahoo account email@example.com....
Keep up the good work Joe.
Hungry man (from Leeds) says;
"I am fascinated by your profile, I feel drawn to you"
He seems sincere ;)
"the lady i want does not have to be beautiful as beauty comes from within. she
must be spiritualy motivated but love plenty of sex"
That's me out then damn.
And Norman (from Skegness) How do I love thee Norman? He says...
"I would like to know more about you"
His profile states;description: "i have an interest of the following: enjoying variety of music,dancing,reading
and learning about the craft,love animals, meeting new people,writing.cars"
Punctuation is so terribly important to me".
Wonder what he wants from a woman?
"as long as you are kind, i dont care what race you are. hopefully you like some
of the things i do, interested in witchcraft at least.they say opposites attract
so not expecting you to be interested in everything i am but not a fan of sport,
Sincere guy. Seeing my passion is Football he's out too.
Woe is me.
Sol Seppy. Yes she is supergirl. She had her knickers over her trousers.
Pretty Girl. She had the look of the crazed though. Childlike but very pretty music. Don't tell YSL but I actually liked her style of music more than Teddy....
Teddy was cute and cool and did a brilliant set. The guitarist called Steve was excellent. Real Rock'n'Roll (like all men named Steve) YSL was obsessed. She knew all the words and preempted everything he did. We met a couple from Essex Vic and Bob, they were real cool and fun. YSL and Vic lusted after Teddy all night.
We met Teddy in the end. He signed my CD.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
My new friend took me out last night... Well kind of I guess. I went to his place and looked around (interesting) He assures me he doesn't own an anorak then has this railway thing going on in the garden. To be honest the Anorak scene is beginning to sound sexy. I need help.
He bought me a train fridge magnet and some lush champagne chocolates.
We got stopped by this snotty little police guy on the way. Haven't they got anything better to do than stop people to inspect their tyres? He made him drive back and forth to inspect every single bit. He did have rather lush leather pants on but after about 15 minutes of his intense inspection I could feel myself getting bored (yes even with the leather pants vision)and pissy. Yes the police are complete bastards and I hate them ok? Go catch Criminals you gits.
We ended up in this pub in the country. I was starving and my mate didn't have any food in his house. So I got myself a cheese ploughmans and brought us both a drink.
The outdoors was so pretty with a stream and tables and chairs around but the ducks were viscous and were fending off people trying to sit there.
Anyways. I hope he still likes me(my mate not the ducks)
I worry you see...As you all well know. I think my need for constant reassurance and closeness can be quite off putting. I remember my last friend refusing to hold my hand in a shopping mall and me getting really hurt by it.
I'm far too touchy feely and emotional. I hug my colleagues when I arrive at work (well not all of the buggers) If I like you, I show it.
No idea why. My parents and my family certainly aren't like that. The thought of touching one another is abhorrent. Maybe it's down to insecurities.
I'm having fun though.
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Something wrong there?
Hunk of the week Paul, Laura and Dan doing their bit. Dan won an actual flying lesson for all his hard work. Paul won a teddy for being so lovely. Laura won a tub of jerky chicken???Hmmmm?
Ms Deans and Ms Cooper get flowers and chocolates from the kids for all their hard work. Miss Cooper esp. Worked so hard and she's lush.
And finally. The St Lucian team try to vaporise Mr Brown with their evil glaring eyes.
However, even a joint effort couldn't destroy him.
He lives to command another school day. Hahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Tonight was the big school St Lucian presentation. We arrived at 7pm to watch a really cool video of the guys on their St Lucian adventure... Abby climbing down the mountain in pink converse (she won a rock climber of the week award ;P) lots of pictures and speeches from the kids. Abby had a little speech prepared.
There were colourful displays and photos of the week. Scrap books of things done and seen. There was a raffle.I picked Mr Brown (sexy head master) out three times. He came sat by me and we had a little chat. I told him I'd seen him in shorts and Abby went red and walked away. Well I did see him.... Miss Cooper showed me the pictures. Tsk.
Lush Caribbean food. Year 10 made Jerky Chicken with rice, ginger and banana cake and yummy Rum Punch (I had 2 glasses) The students weren't allowed the rum, Abby made me buy her a glass. She's spoiled.
The guys selling photos at the laptop printer. Abby in her tee-shirt her St Lucian family got her. I think she's showing her chest off?? So like her Mother in many ways.
The guys all got a carrier bag with a framed picture and certificate for taking part and a really cool tour tee-shirt with all their names on...
I'll take a pic tomorrow to show you.
It was a really fun (if hot) evening.
I liked the video of the Baywatch scene with Abby drowning and being saved by the rest all doing slow motion running and fruit stuffed down their chests....
Was it fruit?
Or Just Timmy?
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
I worked so hard today.... Gardening... My passion. I love it. I'm not actually terribly good at it, but I try and I love the end results.
I finished tending the beds today and covered it all with a top layer of compost before planting the new baby bedding plants.
I nipped round the local Co-op and got two huge bags of compost. There was Co-op own brand Chav compost or compost with John Innes.
I'm not sure what "with John Innes" means at all. Maybe Johns ashes are mixed in with the muck or maybe he wee'd in it... God Knows. But it sounded posh so I got that.
I was telling my new friend (Zeus) about my compost experience tonight. I was saying how heavy the bags were and how I had a job fitting them in (the boot) and how big they were.
eliciting sympathy (as I do) for all the hard work.
However ears were listening. Abby got the wrong end of the stick...
"Hard job fitting it in", "BIG", "Large!"
Crikey she has a dirtier mind than me.
She bursts into the room and says loudly "This conversation is a little undesirable for young ears isn't it mother?"
Then a smaller voice from her sisters bedroom shouts out "Abby, they're talking about COMPOST"
Zeus was in stitches. Abby still reckons Compost is a code name for sex.
Now lets not get onto the subject of Bread And Jam ok!
John Innes.... I have no idea WTF they are talking about here... Double Dutch
Apparently the gum has to settle and the swelling completely go away before they can do anything. July.... fecking July!
If I was a hedgehog I'd hibernate till then. But I'm not prickly enough.
Going off to sob quietly in a corner.
Don't anyone make me smile.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Then I bought twenty pounds worth of bedding plants and came home and planted them. I love my garden. I get such a sense of achievement from growing stuff. I never thought I'd feel that way, but I do.
Someone in work was asking me about the kids today and if they see their father.
It reminded me. They haven't seen him since the last upset when he was going to disown them if regular contact wasn't established.... So what has happened? He hasn't even called them since.
Danz said that he'd told her on that Saturday that if THEY wanted to see him at all they would have to give him at least two weeks notice. Oh well.
The girls have just given me a note from school. The LEA are providing parental educative sessions to enhance your child rearing experiences.
The first one is a Taster Workshop- tomorrow night.
Dealing with Anger.
'The workshop will help you deal more positively with anger. (Father's Only)'
Sexist or what?
ps. I want to sit in Reg's car and honk his horn....
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Work rang me to say I couldn't have a weeks holiday I'd already booked and been given. Well I'm not going in so they'll have to stuff it... I never take holidays..
We went out to dinner with my parents. It was ok, I like the pub they're quick and friendly and saves us eating mother's cooking for a week.
So I spent the rest of the day on the Garden. I got the girls to help, but they weren't much pleased really. All those wiggly worms and spiders and creepy crawlies in the garden ready to eat them all up!
They did help a bit though. I cleared up some winter mess, dug over the soil and put some new compost down. Scattered a few seeds my neighbour had given me and cleaned the patio. There are suprisingly few weeds.
I'll plant some bedding plants next week, hope we don't get anymore frost though.
My new friend wants to see me again...I got a bit anxious earlier that, well actually I'm not sure what I was anxious about and when I tried to put it into words it wouldn't compute.
I believe I can be quite self destructive at times. I think too much. I think then make a decision that what I thought was right and the only possibility and in reality I'm completely wrong.
Luckily new friend is laid back and chilled enough for two. Plus he's really decent and brilliant.... Come to think of it... Those were his own words. Hmmm.
OK, Last night. Well I met my new friend in a pub in the country side.
I haven't driven that far in ages. I was a bit nervous (you know that stupid bastard, who road raged me the other day, really has made me nervous).
The drive was lovely though, all across Bath way and into the country side. I thought I got lost once but in fact it was just a renegade roundabout that threw me off. I was right on target. An achievement indeed.
He was waiting for me in the car park. Was I nervous? No, I don't think I get nervous like that anymore. Mind I had changed outfits several times because Abby said I was either too over-dressed or too revealing or too lacy or something. I gave up in the end and wore something I wear every day.
We didn't end up in the pub. We walked a short way into the country and found this bench thing and sat talking.
We talked for ages. He made me laugh. I tried not to open my mouth incase the HUGE gap jumped out scared him off.
He said I was pretty. I know I'm not. He had this half moon very old silver necklace on that was thousands of years old. He, rather romantically, said he never took it off. Then admitted he'd only bought it three weeks ago. I did laugh and will never let him forget it. Bless.
And ever so gradually I got closer and closer until we were hugging in the countryside under the English sky on a Saturday evening and it was beautiful.
Wonder if he'll want to see me again?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
"hi sweetie, how u doing ? how is yr day ? i'm a cool single looking guy i'm curious to learn more about u check out more pics if u wanna see me . have a nice day hear from you soon hopefully all replies answered 100% .
How do you get to be a single looking guy? (No! the dates not with that nobhead).
I'm nervous. I'm off to meet new found guy from the witchdating site tonight. He seems really lovely. However, I'm paranoid about my lacking tooth.
Maybe I could bring Yashmak? Please bring Yashmaks into fashion for Trin's sake.
Friday, April 21, 2006
- I have a new friend and I think he rocks.
- I have two new pairs of high heels... So ridiculous I'll never walk in them... But they are so cool and sexy......
- I have just got the first series CSI box set on DVD. That I shall watch until I know every word and am able to work in a crime lab.
- My next door neighbour has had a new baby girl. 8lb called Kiera. I'm going to hospital to visit tonight. I love new babies.
- I have a new top with jangly bits; I could go belly dancing with Clarrie now.
- Danz is happier at school. Everyone is friends (for 2 minutes)
- I got the new We Are Scientists CD. Love it.
"My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
Go for it, yeah
My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
Go for it, yeah
Go for it, yeah"
We are Scientists (2005)
- THE END.
I think I must be the biggest wimp because I'm still sore from the dental extraction. My nose and roof of my mouth really hurt. I remembered what the dentist said to me now. I told him it was all due to a rather bad root filling I had from a dentist called Fiona Bain a few years back. I said the dentist from the dental hospital, I went to see about this tooth 18 months ago. Said the root treatment was really shoddy. I'd assumed it was that she hadn't filled the root up enough and left a gap at the top that was full of infection.
'Oh no' he corrected me. That wasn't the case. The dentist hadn't been short with the treatment, rather the opposite. She'd gone too far with the root treatment and actually took it right up into my jaw bone. That's where the problem was. Nasty. I really think I could do with a course of antibiotics to clear up the residue infection though. Hmph.
I go to see Teddy Thompson with YSL next weekend... She's one of those staunch followers who knows his every word and note . Bless. She text me last night and said she'd seen him at a gig and he was really sweet.
So, as you do, I said cool I'll lick him then. I'm not allowed to lick him, she's going to save him from me. It should be an interesting night.
The girls have been watching Switched on E4 every night. Some teenager from the states swaps lives with another teen from the states and lives their lives for a week. Like Ohio to Hawaii etc.
I was thinking.... There's no way that would work here. Imagine swapping somewhere dull like Northampton for somewhere equally dull like Inns Court Bristol. Yikes.
We we're also watching CSI (My passion) the other night. It finished and the Derek Acorah (he's gonna be in Doctor Who you know) 'Most Haunted' was announced next. Then we had a 3.5 minute advert thing on between shows showing the benefits of wearing a cycle helmet when cycling on the roads.... Exactly what age and type of person is Most Haunted aimed at?
The lycra wearing, cyclist who believes in ghosts it seems? The average age of the cyclists was about 11. Wonder how many ghosts ride bikes these days?
Thursday, April 20, 2006
She's good in a crisis. She has to be in this damn house.
I'm having a quiet calm day today. TBH there isn't a lot of food or cat food here though. The cats will go berserk if I don't go shopping later.
Wish we had an online service here for shopping. Not much call for that in this council estate though.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Well I was in such a bad way earlier with the tooth, I phoned up the emergency access centre and got an appointment at 7 pm.
I saw a dentist from the dental hospital, he works in the medical school normally. Immediate respect and confidence.
He looked. X-rayed. Had a long conversation about appearance versus infection, pain and further damage and decided to clean out the root and inject antibiotics.
But as he started he groaned in dismay. The root was fractured into three small pieces and was moving in the gum bed, it was impossible to mend, so I had a further injection of lignocaine in the roof of my mouth and he dug the offending root out.
He was quick, professional and quite obviously did tons of stuff like that.
No fuss, end of root. He showed me the bits and the area of infection afterwards.
So now I have a tooth bed that will heal and I need a bridge made.
This will take several weeks, poor me. I won't be able to smile for weeks. Good job I'm a miserable bitch isn't it?
I want a hug.
The renegade car, incidentally licensed at GJ55 DCV an Astra Twinport, then revved loudly and pulled sharply in front of my car. This surprised me, there was nothing behind me, he could have easily slipped in at the back of me and been fine.
I turned to look and frowned. He then began to shake his fist at me. Shout and beep loudly and kept making rude gestures and being very aggressive.
I let him in front, I had no choice. He drove a bit further and sped up then put his brakes on hard. I was forced to stop, he then did this several times down the road. The whole way to the bottom he was swerving his car, braking and making gestures in his mirror. I was really scared.
Unfortunately he was going my way for some time. At another set of lights I was really scared he was going to get out. He was watching me in his mirror. I took a pen out of my pocket and wrote his number down. To my shock he then began to clap extravagantly in the mirror, he obviously could see what I was doing.
After a while I realised he was doing it for effect and attempted to look away when we stopped and started with the heavy traffic. He eventually took the Portishead road and I went into town, I was scared all the way to work though because the Portishead road is often used as a short cut, you can get round and back into town when the traffic on the Cumberland Basin is bad.
I was so cross; there is nothing at all to protect you from this kind of anti social road behaviour. I reckon you need a driving ASBO, where you can report such dickheads like him and if that behaviour continues get them banned.
I arrived at work to find a Mum and a collapsed teenager at the door. I got help, carried her into the ward all before even putting my bag down.
I had a crap day. It's been so busy. My head is spinning and I was very stressed. I so wanted a better day after yesterday.
My mouth is really bad today. The whole area is very painful, my head hurts and I have a vile taste in my mouth.
I got home and called the Dental Hospital, Please I really need someone to look at this for me. FFS I help people all day long. I need someone to help me.
You know what? The woman on main reception could barely speak English and gave me the number for NHS Direct.
Fucking Crap. Excuse me whilst I go quietly cry somewhere.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Monday, April 17, 2006
"And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone"
Here we go again.......... No, not the 'usual' here we go again. But the 'thing' I keep saying I won't do again. And how do I feel? Actually rather exhilarated if truth be told. Something else to think about.
Happy? Hmmmm isn't happy a HUGE word.
You know what though? I really wish you lot were all happy. Spread it about a bit.
The things that worried me earlier? All gone of course. Equilibrium restored.
I ate tons of chocolate today followed by 20 lengths of the pool. One cancelled the other out (hopefully)
My spark has been relit though... Watch for the fireworks me hearties.
I got up earlier, I got dressed and had breakfast. A rarity. But I'm trying to instill some routine into this life. Weekends and bank holidays and everything crumbles.
I miss Danz. Initially it seemed great for her to go away all weekend. And Abby being my best mate understands me and fits in with anything. But maybe bank holidays should be about family and seeing they're my family.......
Me and Abby are a pair, like Laurel and Hardy, Ant and Dec, Charles and Diana (ooops)
I know Danz can feel left out sometimes. But she's such a gentle kind child, she'd do anything to make me happy. Yeah she has her own moments of teenage craziness (at 12!) but they go to mould you into your own persona. She's also becoming very attractive, she wears makeup to school.... Just a tad but it suits her. Abby isn't fussed with such efforts of the feminine psyche. She's just **Abby like it or lump it. Abby is naturally pretty though, me and Danz need products to enhance our beauty. My God, I need a whole face of make up to make me even remotely presentable.
I don't feel very attractive ATM. Inside or outside. Years ago, I didn't worry about such things. You reckon when your married and settled that you give up on trying? Women cut their long hair... No need for cumbersome long hair anymore. Short cropped easy to look after. Don't wear make up or perfume. Gain weight and stop soul searching. Maybe I'm way off the mark here... But that's what marriage seems to me.
Yet, the whole business of being single isn't fab either. Insecurities about the way you look and act and just are. For what? Because as human beings our genetic makeup draws us to look for a mate. Someone to share and be with. Someone to trust and bond with.
I'm not sure the whole 'Love' thing is altogether real. Maybe Love is just sex, the euphoria of finding someone that makes you feel whole. Nothing like orgasms to make the world seem such a better place.
I wonder what I'll think when I look back on the choices and lives path I made when I'm 80? I'm not sure I'm wise at all. I think I've made some dreadful mistakes. I've hurt myself far more than anyone could ever hurt me.
I thought I REALLY needed people and things when in fact all I needed was a little self esteem and self love.
So why, sat here today Easter Bank Holiday Monday... am I anxious about something I've done that really doesn't matter one tiny bit?
Because you're only human Trin.
**Edit... from cross teen... It's Abby 'like it or STUFF it'... apparently.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
It's also the only place that's ever made me feel real old. Like turning up at the teenage roller disco in Clark shoes.
However, the place is growing. I did an email search for everyone who knows me... And wow, tons of people have myspace. Maybe it's bringing back the feelings of being young again... (not that I'm old at 36 you gits) The ability to post a picture of your fav hunk and not be embarrassed that someone will laugh at you.
Doing those stupid quizzes like what colour crayon are you... Silly fun non sensical stuff.
/Sigh. Being a teen today is so much more fun that when I did it.
Funny though, the boy (Dennis) at the local Spar? The local one I buy me electric at? He has a myspace... (you're never anon on myspace guys) his site is called Den Den. Bless. When he scans my milk and Domestos through the till, I can't quite look at him without smiling anymore :)
"Hello, it is a pleasure e-mailing you. My name is Lious Okaa. l reside in Senegal.
l have read through your profile and it suits me and l will want to know more about you.
lt will give me joy if you reply me and will appriciate it so much if you make it quick.
Read from you soon.
Another email from a blog admirer......I like the 'make it quick' line.
The house was sold. I didn't get much, it paid the solicitor and a couple of bills I had. But when the dust settled I realised the enormous error I'd made.
We'd paid off ever single bill in his name but virtually none in mine. He'd refused and in the nastiness and his refusal to be fair at all (he wanted 75% of the house despite me having the kids) I'd signed it all away.
So I was left with huge debts.
One of which I've been paying religiously every Monday since 2001. A fiver a week. It seemed unending but I paid it. Then yesterday I got a letter to say I owe £140. I'm thrilled, the end is nigh. By the end of the year it'll be gone. Another closure from that truly black time.
Shame, I've got to quite like the bald friendly guy who comes every week.
I've taken my parents to the station and they're on their way to Scotland. The traffic was bloody awful... Where are all these people going? Nothing is open.
My mum brought the kids a small egg each, except she didn't look what she was getting.
Hmmm Vegan chocolate... Dark bitter shell with no nuts, wheat, eggs or gluten.
Suitable for vegans, diabetics, socialists and every denomination possible. Hallelujah!
Happy Easter out there in blogger land.
I'm up... Danz is at her Aunties in the country side. Abby is out jogging .... hmph nah Abby is asleep in bed.
I had a disturbing dream about Derek Acorah bringing a dozen druids to my bedside.
I hit on Derek but he was possessed by the ghost of George Bush* (who isn't even dead) and kept talking in an American accent that I couldn't understand. It's quite worrying that in my dreams I should fancy Derek Acorah and feel this must be a priority psychiatrist subject in May.
I think the culprit is Most Haunted Live on TV just before bedtime. It was on after my new obsession CSI. I know all the words to the theme tune you know.....
How can Most Haunted be live? Surely they're all dead? The TV culture of these ghost programmes is quite amusing. Bit like going back to ye olden days with witch hunts and sprigs of garlic at your doors to ward off evil spirits.
But if Derek turned up at my door doing one of his speedy divinations I'll set my cat on him...Particularly if I had no make up on and my capped tooth insitu.
Today I have to drive parents to the bus station as they're going to Scotland for a week.... No idea why they'd want to do that. We have to look after the fat dopey Labrador for them.... I hate dogs. But my cat finds her most amusing to torment. She's looking forward to the tail challenge. How many times in an hour she can jump on the wagging tail and bite it. The dog does nothing... Just whimpers a bit and looks at me with soulful eyes. Bailey is such a bully.
ps talking of old *Dubya.. seems he celebrates Easter too
Hard Boiled egg rolling at the White House......
"The story of the White House Easter Egg Roll is one of the oldest and most unique traditions in presidential history"Now there's something for Americans to be god damn proud of.
Over here? Nah we'd get bird flu. We're much more refined. How many eggs can you cram in before 11am?
Saturday, April 15, 2006
I bloody hate that stupid Nivea deodorant advert when the skinny woman asks her man which part of her body he likes the best....
So what does he choose? Her bum, her boobs her face, her eyes?
No! he said her arm pits.
Now let me tell you men out there. If I asked you which bit of my body you liked best and your reply was my armpits....... You might find yourselves in Casualty.
Just to warn you.
"I got a girl with a little rubber head.
Rinse her out ever night just before I go to bed.
She never talk back, like a lady might do,
and she looks like she loves it every time I get through.
And her name is p.. i.. n k y.
P.. i.. n.. no lie.
K.. y.. me-oh-my.
$69.95 -- give her a try"
Frank Zappa (1976)
Marie Claire... Men who have sex with dolls.... oooer
Marie Clair expose those men who prefer dolls to real women.
"Clientele are mostly single, ranging from twentysomethings to pensioners, and over half work in IT or engineering".
'I bought Rebecca a few months ago with the money left from my redundancy payment,' he recalls. 'In my imagination, she's 14 and earns pocket money by working in her school library. 'She's very important to me,' he continues. 'I feel affection for her which goes beyond sexual desire.'
Dear dear dear..... strange old world we live in isn't it?
I guess living out your fantasies in the confines of your own home is fine. We all have fantasies. But some of these people take it that little step too far. Take the "She's 14 and working in the school library" scenario? Is that dangerous or just harmless fantasy? The teenager librarian dream seems plausible. But when do they draw the line between this fantasy world and real life?
An Englishman's home is his castle... goes the old saying. Who knows what happens behind those closed drawbridges. Wonder when they'll start selling them in Argos? The ring and reserve option. "Shall I help you to the car with your nubile silicon 14 year old librarian nymph sir?"
A final word from our patron George Michael I feel.
"Sex is natural - sex is good
Not everybody does it
But everybody should
Sex is natural - sex is fun
Sex is best when it's....one on one"
.... But where's the silicone mention?
Friday, April 14, 2006
Feeling flat. It's ok. It will pass. I find it hard to pick up again after one of my ridiculous episodes.
Talking of episodes circle next Tuesday in your diaries.
Holby City 8pm... Yes Tensions between Nic and Ric erupt during a bowel operation. Griping stuff. That series gets worse and worse. Whatever to past brilliance... Like the time they put a chest drain in on a plane with a Tesco Carrier bag and coat hanger. Nowadays she'd have died with these new airplane regulations. They did a Caesarian section once with a pair of nail scissors on the Moscow to Bristol route. Tut tut, scissors are banned.... banned I say.
Danz has just made us dinner. Bless, tinned spaghetti bolognaise on toast. She'll make someone a great wife one day.
Abby is excited about Doctor Who starting tomorrow. According to the Holy Moly newsletter Billie Piper leaned on the Tardis this series and it collapsed. Oops.
Thing is, I don't mean to be all of those things. That's not what's inside my heart. So maybe evil is too strong a word. But there's some black rotten stuff in there somewhere.
And it took me by force and I lost it. It ran away from me. It controlled me and caged me in it's intensity.
Abby was scared. She said I was frightening her and that made me feel worse and try as I might I couldn't stop it. I wanted to die. How awful is that? And how scary and stupid.
But you see blog, I can't keep blaming other people. This is me. Debs and I'm not good and I'm not worthy. Think of all the people I lost along the way. A husband, many friends , friends who were as close as is possible. Then initially from desperation, I made friends online. That's what you do with no where to go, no one to talk to. A pc and internet connection.
But my choices were made with a head out of alignment and maybe I portrayed something I wasn't.
I'm not clever or funny or witty or fun. None of those things are me. I'm bad and mad.
It's been a while since I felt this way. I've been going around with my head in the sand and humming the song of the stable one.
The girl in work yesterday? The lovely one I had a problem with. The misjudged one... hung drawn and quartered by stupid me?
She said that over the years she's always admired my handwriting.
And that says it all really.
Nothing inside just the ability to project an image. I have pretty handwriting.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Prior to going out tonight, I went to the bathroom to clean my teeth (as you do) and as I was in mid brush that fecking cap fell out again. I jumped as it hit the sink and headed towards the plug hole but couldn't stop it. I stood helplessly as the water pushed the thing nearer to oblivion.
I nearly cried. I called Abby. It was precariously perched on a metal bit. One wrong move and it was goodbye tooth forever.
Luckily had my trusty box of tricks (tools) I had for Christmas handy and I grabbed the tweezy things and managed to save it.
I am so pissed off though. That lasted 2 days. All the trauma and hassle of getting a dentist to see me and it didn't last a full 2 days.
Oh well, least it doesn't hurt now, but I look HORRIBLE. REALLY BLOODY HORRIBLE.
I'm staying in bed all weekend.
So we get home to find Bailey has made a hug hole in Abby's GCSE art folder. She is such a bad girl. One piece of work is damaged. I am not happy with that cat.
We all got free Orange Mobile Phone cases with Glastonbury lanyards on them. The Levellers made fun of them saying that they were necessary as of course all mobile phones got very cold.
Abby says her phone gets cold.
And here is my little girl, with new hair colour... Back on her (actually Danz's) beloved laptop.
I took her to a pub before the film. She liked it, out for a drink with me. She looks 18 anyways...
/sigh, where did the time go?
Me and Abby went to the Glastonbury Film Premiere at Bristol tonight. We arrived in time to see the band The Levellers arrive to have their picture taken by the infamous (lol) Evening post guy.
There were two trendy young men in the queue in front of me. I tapped one on the shoulder and said "Excuse me, is this the queue for Daniel O'Donnell tickets?"
Abby died of embarrassment.
We had to use our mobile phones as tickets. I had a browser message with a coded picture that they swiped on entry. I was fine with my new up to day Motorola V3 (pink) but several people with bricks had trouble. (hahahaha)
As you can see security was 'heavy' the red carpet was green in Glastonbury honour.
We were greeted by women giving out free tubs of Ben and Jerry's ice-cream. Glastonberry flavour. Rather nice actually.
The Levellers played a folk acoustic set. They were ace. The lead singer was funny and witty. The band also featured in the film.
So onto the film.
Hmm, I liked it. Though it did begin to grate after 90 minutes.
It was a tour of Glasto.. The history the past, the present, the weird, wonderful, crazy psychedelic, the scary and odd and freaky.
Actually far too much freaky. The images were fast and colourful and loud and after a while you began to feel your head was coming off. Then in parts I felt I was watching an introduction tape to Disneyland or some other place with night entertainment.
Some bits were funny. The toilets were filmed with people opening doors and being beaten out again by the smell.
The music was portrayed.... Trouble was it was mostly bands from the 70's and soul and black singers and I didn't have a clue who they were. Oh I could identify Coldplay and Scissor Sisters and Stone Roses and Prodigy and Bjork and faithless... But there were so many more I didn't know.
The film kept going back to the hippies and gypsy's and showing violence and aggression... It was like watching Thatchers 80's again. So many protests CND, Green peace, anti-war on and on.
Ok It was ok. I enjoyed it. But it has put Abby off of ever going to Glasto. She says it was too scary... So the film must have been quite extreme.
Lots of drink, drugs, men falling over and crazy hippies with scary faces... hmm sounds like Glastonbury.