channel4.com MY CRAZY PARENTS

channel4.com MY CRAZY PARENTS

Thursday night on Channel Four at 9pm starts a new series. Living with my Crazy Parents. This programme is of great interest to me, as I was severely depressed for the last three years and only recently really have surfaced through the black tunnel to the light of living.
The programme focuses on three families where the child has been paramount in caring for and helping their parent to live.
Its quite hard for me to talk about the past and those awful black times. And I could feel ashamed of myself. But mental illness can effect all of us at some point in our lives. Depression is a chemical Imbalance within the brain and the balance is very hard to realign. I have drug therapy with Effexor, a newish drug which my GP (family Doctor) admitted to knowing little about. But at times I also took Risperadone, Stelazine and Olanzapine. I took Risperadone for quite some time but yes...Got off them!
I am not crazy though, crazy is a bad term. But those of us who've been depressed or lived closely with someone whose had it, can jest about it. Because humour is good and keeps us going.
Me and the girls can laugh now at me sat under the dining room table because I didn't feel safe. But I still feel guilty about the amount of stress Abby suffered, worrying about me constantly when she should have been enjoying childhood and school. Being woken up at 3am because I'd seen a demon and wanted a hug. How did she cope with all of that?
Because she loved me, unconditionally and totally.
I'm well now. Life is worth living again. I have some self worth. Needs working on but its there. My friends really help...Those who stuck around anyways.
And you know what? I'm a better person for it. Certainly a better nurse with tons more understanding. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
If you're a depression sufferer or suffer anxiety or panic attacks and you want to talk please email me. I do understand.
Don't judge or make assumptions about people. Never laugh or make fun of. Don't pity or dismiss because one day it could be you, and its hell. But is is possible to come out the other side again. Just hold out that hand and accept some help.