wednesday woes.

The new Sheila's wheels advert was just on TV. Three girls in a pink car being chased by the cops whilst applying lip gloss. No wonder their quote was three hundred pounds more than the cheapest.
I think I feel a bit better today. The heavy cloud round my head has lifted slightly. I was singing along to Keane in the car tonight. However I feel like shit. My self esteem is so awful ATM. I'm not bothering with makeup and my hair is dry and lank.
At the weekend someone said something to me that I found really hurtful. Maybe I was just being really sensitive with my crap mood.
The head waiter in the restaurant was a miserable fella, obv. Very busy and little time for being social. But we seemed to hit it off, something I said...? I don't know. But he was most polite to me and attentative.
The other girls, remarked on how miserable he'd been the night before and how they'd tried to engage him in conversation and he'd brushed them off.
On Sunday, he was walking through the bar and spotted me. He smiled and gave me a small wave.
One of the girls noticed it and remarked "I reckon he must like big women"
Ok I am a big girl, no shit. But it was such a mean remark from someone whose meant to like me?
I can't forget it.
Now I can't see the point in anything anymore. Lose weight if I feel that way?
Well ok, but remember I've been on a shed load of nasty brain drugs that pile on pounds. I am trying to get fitter and build up stamina by joining the gym and swimming.
I don't know why I'm trying to justify myself really, but stuff goes round my head and I wake up fretting.
Anyways. You know it helps me to say stuff, let it out and forget it.
I've always been the same.
Right, enough miserable crap.
I'm trying to be happier.
I promise. X