because I wanna

"Coming out of my cage
And I been doing Just fine"

The Killers

A friend told me last night that I portray my life as being very much half-empty rather than half-full. Trouble is I don't want half of anything. I want it all empty so I can wallow in self destruction or all full so I can joyously rejoice! (and dance naked at Stonehenge)
I jest. I don't know. I took offence to his well meant words. This past month stuff has conspired to knock me off my perch (next thing I'll get bird flu)
Every day something happens that stops me being cheerful. OK I get down but then at some point during the day it lifts and I'm happier.
I AM BETTER WORLD.
I can listen to music again and get such enjoyment and lift from it. I'm reading a book. Yes a whole book, kinda spoilt it by reading the ending. But hanging in there.
Maybe that's my problem. I want to know how it'll all turn out in the end. I want to know if it's worth all this bother? I have to know the endings of films because if they end in a bad way I won't bother.
My life is a bit empty ATM. I had someone to take me out and feel good. I had a reason to wear nice clothes and someone to talk to... Face to face talk to. And they're gone.......
But wait Trin? You said you didn't need anyone like that. You said you were ok on your own. You said you didn't need a man to validate yourself.
TOO FUCKING RIGHT I DON'T.
I wouldn't want a smelly, stroppy demanding member of the male species living here. Done that wore the tee-shirt and had to wash his pants afterwards. (Mind there are certain men that if they turned up here with a suitcase would be invited in and locked up in the cellar for all eternity... ;) umm and I'd wash their pants shhhh
So on to today's knock back... yessss par for the course, there always is one.
It's the Goldie Looking Chain gig tonight.
I'm going with Abby...
WRONG.
Danz has a tummy bug. I won't be going. She needs me. I'm not sending her elsewhere like to my mothers. When you're ill you need your own bed.
My friend says he doesn't let little things like that get him down. He bounces straight back up.
Ok then call me rubber ball.
I'm bouncing up and thinking about how enjoyable it will be to listen to the CD instead... Wait. Casualty is on tonight. I never miss a chance to further my nursing career educationally.
It really don't matter, despite my obvious sarcasm. She matters more. There will be other gigs. I prefer The Anson Rooms for gigs anyways. Much more chilled.
I am sorry though, this month has been a bit shit. Maybe if so many complex things hadn't been happening I'd have dealt with them better.
Anyone reading this (hello is there anyone out there?) must roll their eyes and say here she goes again. The miserable bitch with the half empty life and very cool CD collection (had to get that in Mr Grumblemag)

"Bounce if you wanna bounce, ball if you wanna ball
Play if you wanna play, floss if you wanna floss
It's Alright, you heard?, It's Alright, Holla back
Get ill if you wanna ill, smoke if you wanna smoke
Kill if you wanna kill, loc if you wanna loc
It's Alright, you heard? It's Alright, yeah yeah"

Jay z


(God help us she's quoting Jay z)

I'm off to floss. Because I 'wanna'.
Healthy gums are quintessential
(what does that mean anyways?)