British Summer Time
"The summer sun is fading as the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near".
Justin Hayward.
The clocks go back tonight. Darker nights draw in and suddenly it seems to get cold.
There's a sense of excitment about this time though. It means Christmas is coming!The child in me can feel it coming. I'll go back and read this on Christmas Eve when I'm depressed because I'm spending it alone again... sometimes I am such a silly bitch.
I used to do a lot of night duty. It fitted in with the kids better.
Long term nights make a person so crotchety though, the overwhelming tiredness and never having decent sleep. I was a bitch to live with... but the money was ok.
I used to work with a nurse called Madge.
I couldn't bear the girl. She was a flapper, she made a drama out of anything. She was flighty and whacky and so disorganised.
She was the type of nurse who'll give you a bed bath at 2am. Couldn't sit still.
She wasn't married and had never had a boyfriend. We reckoned she was a virgin... but not so sure now. I reckon even she could get a shag.. apparently from a turkish waiter once.
Well, every single year she got the clocks going back or forward wrong. It was a standing joke but she honestly didn't grasp the concept.
One year in the spring she thought the clocks went back so turned up for work 2 hours early.
Or she'd forget completely and arrive an hour late or early throwing us into chaos.
Mind one night she she didn't turn up for night duty. We called her, and she'd overslept. She finally arrived at 11pm, 2 hours late. Easily done?
We all oversleep?
Hardly. It was her FIRST night.
Hopeless.
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12 comments:
Odd that, but I sympathise with that lady. Although I have an IQ of 436, I always struggle with the concept of clocks going back or forward. Will the weekend be longer or shorter? I labour for hours trying to work it out, in the end I just ask the missus.
Of course any woman can get as many shags as she wants, regardless of how hideous she may be. Us males are so shallow.
I went out with a nurse once. She told me that in bedbaths they always gave the male patients who were capable of it a flannel and let them do their own naughty bits. No point in having a bedbath in that case. If I had a a road accident I would insist on having both arms put in casts as a precautionary measure just in case I might have injured them.
Hmm you do know that nurses can be rather rough when washing people. I'm not sure you'd enjoy it at all.
Nurses are not sex symbols we are highly trained and extrememly professional (I've been doing a thousand lines since popkitten)
Yes it's true, it may take a few attempts but the acquisition of a shag only requires drastic (possibly even severe) reduction of a Woman's expectations. For men it's not so simple, unless they're buff, obv.
IQ tests, now there's a memory. I was once taken to a child psychologist (I was never told why) and at one point the test required applying the correct choice of word to an image. The image was a measles ridden child in a room, playing Noughts & Crosses with a healthy child outside, safely shielded by the window. They wrote their Os and Xs on the opaqueness of their breath on the glass. The correct word was 'ingenious' but I argued with the psychologist, who got stroppy, that this was stupid because if both children breathed on their sides of the glass, neither would see the others writing correctly. I still stand by my assertion.
Sponge baths! A friend of mine went to hospital with a collapsed lung, and looked forward to his daily sponge bath with relish. Until he became visibly aroused one time, whereupon the nurse produced a wooden spoon and gave him a sharp slap to the trouser snake that sorted him out. Since the spoon had no other sponge bathing purpose, I'm guessing this is standard practice.
How wicked. Erections are just normal. Was he in a religious hospital?
Shaving men for surgery was always awkward, particulary for a student nurse with little sexual experience.
You need to grasp the relevant trouser snake and manouvere the razor around it.. most men are fearful their crown jewels will be damaged so an embarrassing arousal is avoided but some men only have to look at a uniform and it happens!!
Come on, think about the orthopaedic ward. Those young motor cycle accident boys. All hormones and no where to relieve them. It's life.
And damn... why do I work on paediatrics.........?
ps.... imagine doing it when you have a male nurse shaving.. it happens... now that's embarrasing!
More memories. I was shaven, er, down there, by a Nurse one time, in preparation for an op. It was most awkward, but I managed to prevent any trigger thoughts from entering my head. I have been one of those motorcycle accident boys several times. The last time, I was lying in A&E, with my pants around my ankles (fresh & clean thankfully) while a Nurse had my buttocks in her hands giving me a Tetanus jab. She then read my name and announced she had been in school wih me. Mortified I was.
I'm afraid life is wose for a woman.Imagine the undignity of a cervical smear. Some person shoving an ice cold metal speculum up your bits. Then sharply telling you to relax because they can't get it up there and you must have a weird shaped vagina.
FFS the ultimate insult. To be rude about one's vagina.
(this has NEVER happened to me I hastened to add very hastely)
Since we are getting into such UNSAVOURY territory, what about those barium enemas then? For about two days afterwards you are delivering pure white things that normally only angels would do and it's so darn heavy you just can't flush it.
never become incontinent. Some urodynamic studies involve a mteal bar being inserted anally and a series of electric shocks being given to acertain the elasticity of the bladder.
Personally I think it's a practical joke as I can't see the relevance.
It does sound rather fun though
Oh yes I remember those buttock jabs. I was very embarrased and stood there pushing my trousers right down to my ankles. I only need a small area for the injection she said.
The accident was unusual too. In the bath with girlfriend in a really grotty flat in Bath where the bath was in the cellar. Had to go upstairs for the "things" and coming back slipped down the stairs and landed stark naked on a pile of old milk bottles. I had been meaning to take them out for months. It could have been really nasty.
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