attractive deep and dipped in chocolate

I am lazing in the semi half life of in between being ill and being 100%. My ribs hurt from coughing and I feel tired but I'm enjoying being at peace again. I find being unwell very traumatising. Collette said the other day that I get panicky that I'm feeling down and don't want it to last for fear of slipping into a depression again. She alikened it to a cancer patient in remission. I cannot correlate this mental illness to a life threatening cancer illness though. To do that would place way too much self centred pity on myself. I'm trying to move on from that. It might not always seem so but I am trying honest.
MTV 2 are playing and it's been a wkd morning playing my favourites, Interpol, Incubus, The Mars Volta and Brand New. Plus some new stuff. I really like Maximo Park and "A certain Trigger".
A friend just emailed me with a link.
The link didn't contain the original link to this piece but I found it fascinating reading.

Creativity is sexually alluring, according to a study which shows that artists and poets have more sexual partners than ordinary mortals.

A survey of creative professionals found that on average they had about twice the number of sexual liaisons as non-artists, scientists said. The findings may help to explain why many artists, from Caravaggio to Picasso, and poets such as Lord Byron and Dylan Thomas, were notorious womanisers.

Fame and fortune do not appear to enter the equation as none of the professionals who took part in the study are household names, said David Nettle of the University of Newcastle upon Tyne. "We're not talking about celebrities. We used people from all walks of life and we got a range of people from those who didn't produce any art at all to those who did it professionally," Dr Nettle said.

The scientists asked 425 men and women about their sexual partners, including one-night stands. The study found the average number of partners for professional artists and poets to be between four and 10 compared with just three for non-creative people.

"Creative people are often considered to be attractive and get lots of attention as a result. They tend to be charismatic and produce art and poetry that grabs people's interests,"

Dr Nettle said. "It could also be that very creative types lead a Bohemian lifestyle and tend to act on more sexual impulses and opportunities, often purely for experience's sake, than the average person would. Moreover, it's common to find that this sexual behaviour is tolerated in creative people. Partners, even long-term ones, are less likely to expect loyalty and fidelity from them."

The study, published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, supports a theory put forward by evolutionist Geoffrey Miller, in his 2001 book The Mating Mind, that artistic ability may have evolved as a form of human sexual display.

Miller believes artistic men are more likely to be promiscuous than women, yet Dr Nettle's study, conducted with Helen Keenoo of the Open University, found no differences.

Dr Nettle also suggests that the findings may help to explain a connection between schizophrenia, which affects about 1 per cent of people, and serious artists, who share many of the same personality traits as schizophrenics. "These personality traits can manifest themselves in negative ways, in that a person with them is likely to be prone to the shadows of full-blown mental illness such as depression and suicidal thoughts."

It is possible that the same genetic factors responsible for predisposing someone to creativity could also, under slightly different environmental conditions, lead to schizophrenia, Dr Nettle said. "If these genetic factors have been chosen by successive generations as attractive features in a potential mate, this could explain why schizophrenia is so common today," he said.

This is something I have often thought about and discussed freely. The attractiveness of the slightly unhinged very creative personality.
Many of the people men and women I find myself pulled towards have attracted me through their thoughts, writings or creativity. In fact every single person that I love and respect at present has some great gift to give.
So why did I end up with a jerk like my ex husband as a life partner?
Collette says it was all to do with my self image and low self esteem. I chose someone whom I thought matched me.
I still find it hard to compliment myself, or praise anything I do. I think I'm a good nurse.
I've been told many times from lots of different sources, from consultants to patients to relatives that I'm good.
Maybe that's why I'm so lost without it. My Achiles Heel. My uniform and my nurses face.
But underneath the uniform. How about the real person and where did this slightly crazy enigmatic person stem from?
On the way home from Manchester Sunday a guy sat on our table.
I was feeling a bit brighter and me and the girls were chatting about the weekend and our lives.
I was in a funny sarky bitching mood about life and we were setting the world to rights across the virgin table.
Suddenly he laughed and started to join in. He was welsh. That started me off immediately and I began to taunt him. This made him worse and all 4 of us spent a good hour and a half, chatting and bitching and flying insults around.
It was fun, Abby said only this morning wasn't that guy fun on the train.
Turns out he was a lecturer in Media at Bristol Uni and Cardiff Uni. He was very intelligent. If he did have a slightly crap half taste in music and wasn't terribly up to date, and said he never had female students fall in love with him.
I guess, yes I must be enigmatic at times,I must have moments of brilliance at some things. I must have an attractive persona. Some times.
Now how to churn it out most days?