for collette

"I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure "
(Matchbox 20. 2000)

I was feeling sorry for myself last night. Laid in bed and feeling lonely. I wanted someone to hug and I was thinking back to all the people I'd known who've gone. This song was in the charts at the time of my divorce, but never in my head did it relate to my ex husband. Just a feeling of sadness because something had ended.
This morning Collette text me. Her friend died last night. She worked with her for many years and she'd been diagnosed with cancer mere weeks ago. She'd been given months, she lasted weeks.
And I'm sorry that I was full of myself.
Curious, she died right at the time I was sad. Maybe me and Collette have some psychic connection after all these years.
I hate thinking of her upset, rips me up. This has been the worst year for her, so much has happened and so many people lost around her, including Katie.
I love you babes and I promise never to be stupid again. I haven't exactly been good and I've added to your burden and I'm sorry. All these people around you, they needed you and you are special. Extremely special. You are very much loved.