I had to report at Community reception where I waited for ages behind a woman who was telling the receptionist she needed a chiropodist because of her huge Corn and they couldn't fit her in until December so she threatened to dig it out herself.
I finally got seen. The receptionist woman asked me if I was here for a bit of counselling. I was a bit affronted. I was here for Psycho-therapy*. Much classier.
(Bitch)
The PT* woman came out and called me. She was a small grey woman with a grey skirt and grey boots and a grey voice.. All one tone. No emotion. Anyone who shows emotion will be shot on sight.
She led me down windy corridors until we came to a door and I suddenly had a flash back.
I'd been there before... A long time ago. I was five and I was having a tooth filled. The dentist hurt me and I bit his finger hard, I remember being thrown out of the chair and landing on the floor. My mother looked shocked and he told her never to bring that vile child back again.
I was glad. But there began a long and horrendous dental phobia that lasted until I was well past my teens.
A strange memory but somehow comforting. Can't explain it. Like being a child again safe with mummy.
Back to reality, The woman had the chairs set In a weird way. We weren't facing each other.My chair was facing the middle of the room, hers was facing me.
It was disconcerting but afterwards I realised that I'd been able to release more without actually looking at her.
So we talked, and it was easy.
Afterwards she told me that a lot of stuff, bad stuff had happened to me and I was very hard on myself. She said she felt I hadn't been looked after properly by anyone.
I was surprised... Why should anyone look after me? Besides the feeling of being ostracised by people was my own doing. It was all my own fault. No one else to blame but me.
She said I had a lot of issues to talk about. A lot of crying to do. A lot of stuff to put behind me.
Therapy would help me.
Great.
So... Where's the catch? I've been playing this 'Living As Trinity' game long enough to know that nothing comes easily for me.
And it came.
The waiting list was a year long.
I didn't cry. I was very sad, but I picked up my bag and drove to work. I worked hard tonight. Lots of patients. Lots of people to look after.
And I think I give up with it. I'm tired of meeting new people and telling them stuff then they walk away and forget me.
You lot won't forget me though will you?
"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little while. "How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.
Posts
7 comments:
A year? For christ sake! What is the matter with these bloody people that they raise expectations like that and then dash them?
I know, why see me if she can't help. She recommended I try other places who do therapy like womankind or some such organisation and I'm sure they are very good but I'm afraid I've had enough of presenting myself to strangers. I give up.
PS
She even charged me for that session.
Bloody great isn't it?
Never EVER forget you :) and she's right too and you know it!
And Exaxis understands Trin rather well. Just like I understand you ;)
Don't give up on this woman, sounds finally like you found somebody who has understanding, knowledge and a desire to help. The harsh, closed off greyness is HER protection. It's her front. Could you listen to problems all day, everyday and then go home and be happy? It's as Exaxis is to me and Trin is to you.
But you know we are ALL on your side and rooting for you (ooh er!)
Be well sweets ;)
Remember last Christmas? That was almost a year ago that was. Time flies, unfortunately, the Grey Lady will reappear in the blink of an eye.
How could we forget our Trin?
Make sure you go on the waiting list. You can always say you no longer need it when the time comes, but this one sounds like she's bang on the money for you...
she said I'm on her list and if someone drops out it'll be sooner.
Post a Comment