who Knows?

What a quiet little weekend, one has had.
I didn't leave the house yesterday...Which could have been fun if I'd had someone else to remain house bound with.
Ah well, I had a peaceful weekend with no dips into the well of untold misery, despite trying hard on Friday to open the lid of that dreadful place.
I feel in Limbo.
I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. But I think something is going to happen

"Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great"!

Maybe this positive feeling of excitement is going to snowball and just by the sheer fact of my anticipation, something will happen.
And for the first time in ages, it's not hinging on the actions of someone else.
"Will he come see me? Will he let me go to him? Will someone fall in love with me? Will someone suddenly look up notice me and sweep me off my feet?"
Oh yes, all past thoughts and of course none of those things happened in the way I wanted them.
I cannot live my life willing stuff to happen in the way I think I need.
Thing is what I thought I needed, I didn't.
What I thought I was, I wasn't.
What I wanted to be, I can't be.
What I thought I'd never accept. I accepted.
You know the book thing down below?
I think I read too many of the damn things.