DIY for cretins the Sequel

After missing last week due to the sheer volume of witchcraft in the surrounding area. I went to my DIY class tonight with baited breath and the hope that they hadn't got so far ahead of me I'd never be able to catch up.
I needn't have worried.
Last week they seem to have spent two hours cutting tiles.
I like cutting things, in fact I like cutting things up a lot. But 2 hours of shiny tiles?
And they were all white. Where's the bloody equality in that?
This week saw only 5 people in the class. The rest seem to be dropping out like flies.
Action man was there. Teach made him chip the old tiles off round the sink... I think it was to shut him up.
He's apparently in the TA. But he's been to the gulf on the Harrier Jump Jets and was discharged from the regular Army because he was unable to control his anger.
Gosh. He told me that the TA are doing exercises know as FIBUA which is apparently fighting in urban areas. Teach caught my eye once and raised his eyes to the ceiling.
There was another man and two girls. I got lumped with the girls which didn't best please me. I hate being put in the girlie group. No fun at all.
I got to cut tiles, loads of tiles. Unfortunately the little buggers refused to cut properly but I made some great shapes and have a picture that's terribly arty.
Then we got to the glue bit. I liked the glue. All white and turgid. Isn't turgid a wonderful word?
I made a fuss and teach let me touch the virgin glue first. I spread it over the walls them had to make a horizontal pattern. My pattern was the best. Everyone agreed.
Then I got to stick my tile on the wall. I felt like the Queen launching a ship. Probably the first and only tile I shall ever lay... As I was so crap at cutting them. Besides the rest of them crowded round the sink like a bloody crowd of hungry Zombies and tiled the rest. I helped Teach tidy up.
I got bored by the tiling. Who could sit and shove them on walls all afternoon? Plus they were awfully messy, I got glue all over my denim skirt. One man who never took his coat off, had dust all over him. Diy is a bit too messy for me. I'm hoping electrical lessons will be a bit cleaner. Electricians tend to be nice smart men as a rule.
Next week teach said we were to do more tiling but he must have seen my bored face and said we could do shelves.... HOORAY at last shelves. I'm so excited. I'm going to take my Ikea shelf in that I couldn't work out how to put up.