failed

I'm a huge failure as a parent. My kids will look back on their childhood and say my Mother was crap.
Why do I feel like this today?
Phoning the college to enquire about courses and being told that they wouldn't take Abby because she's not academically good enough.
And why not?
Why isn't a perfectly normal, well behaved student whose attended 5 whole years of senior school not going to get 5 grades of GCSE's at level C or above?
It's all too easy to blame the establishment. Her teaching wasn't good enough, the classes were disruptive. She had supply teachers for 4 out of 5 years for maths.
Ok good reasons. But reasons that with ingenuity and hard work, they could have been got around, climbed over resolved.
But Abby didn't do any of that. She has sat and watched Charmed.
Tonight I'm cooking dinner, a roast lamb dinner. Washing up and vacuuming. And both of them are sat watching TV and I suddenly had a flash back to their father sat in the lounge whilst I laboured to keep the house and finances together.
A charmed episode they've seem more than 10 times and they sit staring at the box like zombies.
And I cracked and through the biggest fit. "Have you got homework?" I shrieked. Yes she does. "Well fucking go do it and I WANT to see it"
Apathy rules ok. None of them read. At their age I wasn't without my head in a book. I learnt so much through books, I learnt how to spell. I learnt what words meant, How to put sentences together, all by reading fiction. I learnt about the world. I read everything I could lay my hands on. I read porn, the bible, real life, true crimes and comics.
Their father never read. He couldn't read.
Blame the gene pool?
I love them to bits but how can I be proud when Abby ends up in Burger King with those dopey bastards who simply can't even get an order for large fries correct?
Maybe I don't deserve proud.
Crap Parenting caused by me allowing myself to be ill and putting my head in the sand as usual.
I feel like dying.
(I won't collette.... You won't get a number 10)

plan... Maybe I should insist they go to their rooms and read every night... But how to force a child to read? I never agreed with limiting TV. A free and relaxed mother but bloody hell... They got a point.