Teach?

Do teachers do anything anymore?
Danielle is upstairs doing her homework. Being a good mother I enquired what she was studying. Nothing.
She has three books, all work done in class today from three students and she has to mark it. So what does the teacher do?
It annoys me that the teacher doesn't seem to see their work. Danz says they always mark each others work.
I wonder if that happens everywhere>

attractive deep and dipped in chocolate

I am lazing in the semi half life of in between being ill and being 100%. My ribs hurt from coughing and I feel tired but I'm enjoying being at peace again. I find being unwell very traumatising. Collette said the other day that I get panicky that I'm feeling down and don't want it to last for fear of slipping into a depression again. She alikened it to a cancer patient in remission. I cannot correlate this mental illness to a life threatening cancer illness though. To do that would place way too much self centred pity on myself. I'm trying to move on from that. It might not always seem so but I am trying honest.
MTV 2 are playing and it's been a wkd morning playing my favourites, Interpol, Incubus, The Mars Volta and Brand New. Plus some new stuff. I really like Maximo Park and "A certain Trigger".
A friend just emailed me with a link.
The link didn't contain the original link to this piece but I found it fascinating reading.

Creativity is sexually alluring, according to a study which shows that artists and poets have more sexual partners than ordinary mortals.

A survey of creative professionals found that on average they had about twice the number of sexual liaisons as non-artists, scientists said. The findings may help to explain why many artists, from Caravaggio to Picasso, and poets such as Lord Byron and Dylan Thomas, were notorious womanisers.

Fame and fortune do not appear to enter the equation as none of the professionals who took part in the study are household names, said David Nettle of the University of Newcastle upon Tyne. "We're not talking about celebrities. We used people from all walks of life and we got a range of people from those who didn't produce any art at all to those who did it professionally," Dr Nettle said.

The scientists asked 425 men and women about their sexual partners, including one-night stands. The study found the average number of partners for professional artists and poets to be between four and 10 compared with just three for non-creative people.

"Creative people are often considered to be attractive and get lots of attention as a result. They tend to be charismatic and produce art and poetry that grabs people's interests,"

Dr Nettle said. "It could also be that very creative types lead a Bohemian lifestyle and tend to act on more sexual impulses and opportunities, often purely for experience's sake, than the average person would. Moreover, it's common to find that this sexual behaviour is tolerated in creative people. Partners, even long-term ones, are less likely to expect loyalty and fidelity from them."

The study, published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, supports a theory put forward by evolutionist Geoffrey Miller, in his 2001 book The Mating Mind, that artistic ability may have evolved as a form of human sexual display.

Miller believes artistic men are more likely to be promiscuous than women, yet Dr Nettle's study, conducted with Helen Keenoo of the Open University, found no differences.

Dr Nettle also suggests that the findings may help to explain a connection between schizophrenia, which affects about 1 per cent of people, and serious artists, who share many of the same personality traits as schizophrenics. "These personality traits can manifest themselves in negative ways, in that a person with them is likely to be prone to the shadows of full-blown mental illness such as depression and suicidal thoughts."

It is possible that the same genetic factors responsible for predisposing someone to creativity could also, under slightly different environmental conditions, lead to schizophrenia, Dr Nettle said. "If these genetic factors have been chosen by successive generations as attractive features in a potential mate, this could explain why schizophrenia is so common today," he said.

This is something I have often thought about and discussed freely. The attractiveness of the slightly unhinged very creative personality.
Many of the people men and women I find myself pulled towards have attracted me through their thoughts, writings or creativity. In fact every single person that I love and respect at present has some great gift to give.
So why did I end up with a jerk like my ex husband as a life partner?
Collette says it was all to do with my self image and low self esteem. I chose someone whom I thought matched me.
I still find it hard to compliment myself, or praise anything I do. I think I'm a good nurse.
I've been told many times from lots of different sources, from consultants to patients to relatives that I'm good.
Maybe that's why I'm so lost without it. My Achiles Heel. My uniform and my nurses face.
But underneath the uniform. How about the real person and where did this slightly crazy enigmatic person stem from?
On the way home from Manchester Sunday a guy sat on our table.
I was feeling a bit brighter and me and the girls were chatting about the weekend and our lives.
I was in a funny sarky bitching mood about life and we were setting the world to rights across the virgin table.
Suddenly he laughed and started to join in. He was welsh. That started me off immediately and I began to taunt him. This made him worse and all 4 of us spent a good hour and a half, chatting and bitching and flying insults around.
It was fun, Abby said only this morning wasn't that guy fun on the train.
Turns out he was a lecturer in Media at Bristol Uni and Cardiff Uni. He was very intelligent. If he did have a slightly crap half taste in music and wasn't terribly up to date, and said he never had female students fall in love with him.
I guess, yes I must be enigmatic at times,I must have moments of brilliance at some things. I must have an attractive persona. Some times.
Now how to churn it out most days?

Emma Watson's Bible collection

Emma Watson's Bible collection:

"Harry Potter star Emma Watson is being sent Bibles by furious Christians
who believe the magical movies are a work of evil.
The screen beauty, who plays the boy wizard's best friend Hermione Granger in the series, is building up a collection of the holy books from religious viewers who think she needs 'guidance'.
The 15-year-old confessed: 'I have a collection of about 20 in my room"

I have such a problem with this kind of behaviour. But good for Emma, who seems unphased by the fanatics. I bet they won't complain about the Narnia Chronicles.
I hate religion so much these days. All I can see is the damaged and fractured society religion brings. Maybe it's human nature. If it wasn't religion maybe we'd argue over something else.
Someone tell me WTF these prayer meetings do? The power of prayer? All this does is get into the head of the prayer and reinforce this feeling of having done some good, when in fact you've done nothing at all.
There was a guy at church that I found creepy and OTT in religious ways. But he did do good works with the homeless so he redeemed himself in my eyes with his actions.
I wonder what the homeless think about God though?

chit chat

No blogging yesterday. It would have been a self pitying slathering of how ill I felt and no-one needs to read that!
Bloody British Winters. Mind I know where I got it. I can pin point the exact sneezing, snotty child I looked after last week. Poor kid, I now know how she felt.
But tonight it's kind of broken and I feel better. Can't sleep but that may have something to do with me being in bed most of the day.
I was a crap house guest for Clarrie, a crap mate to Collette and a crap worker. But I feel better and I am so glad.
This is a USB Lava lamp that Clarrie bought me for the pc. Isn't it lush? Next door have so many outside Christmas decorations up that the street no longer requires street lighting.
Abby came back from catering today with home made wholemeal rolls that were lush and hand made cookies. They were lovely too. Shame she doesn't want to do catering.
Bailey missed us at the weekend. She's been scared to go out incase we disappear again. Poor love. Danz misses Clarrie's cats though. They took a shine to her... I think they never get any attention.
(hahah)
Right back to bed. Be well everyone.

poor trin

Not bloody well again. Someone keeps sticking shards of glass in my throat and making me Puke.
Collette came to see me, bless her. I didn't want her to go.
Always something wrong with me lately. I'm an impatient bad sick person. I hate it, I get frustrated and cross with myself and make it worse.
Idiot.
Anyways these Japanese treats made me smile... at least.
Happy Virus!! delicious.

erogenous subtitles... err I mean erroneous

Japanese film with helpful English Subtitles. "Tom-Yum Goong" heard of it?
I like the pregnant woman one whilst doing a karate chop. Cool.

Manchester bright lights big city

Early Morning. Waiting for the train at Temple Meads. For some tracking reason we had to travel through darkest Wales to get to Manchester this time. The first train was a motorised charabang on wheels, cold and draughty and most certainly not a proper train. Then an Arriva train from Newport to Manchester.
At one stop a dodery old guy got on, he found a seat next to a sleeping Asian man. Struggled to get his rather large suitcase up in the luggage rack then promptly dropped it on the sleepers head.
Train Journey is interesting. A woman got on in Preston (I think) and swore all the way to manchester... she was about 50, got her fags out and was f-ing and blinding all the way.
Not as classy as us Bristolians.

Our first stop was the eclectic Afflecks Palace. Abby's fav haunt with it's floors of boutiques selling trendy way out and frankly weird gear. This shop was a retro shop with second hand clothes and artifacts selling for a small fortune.

I remember having a phone like these, in chocolate brown. Should have kept it.

Passing Manchester United on Sunday there were loads of people parking up and walking to the ground. Then placing flowers and scarves on the floor in honour of the late George Bush. Bloody hell! I keep saying Bush... maybe it's wishful thinking.. I meant Best.

A driver in front of us shunted another and there was a bit of a fracass on the verge. Tsk, us Bristol drivers are soooo much more careful.

Danz and O infront of one of the many gorgeous water features in the Trafford Centre. O doesn't look impressed. Clarrie told me off for being so Touristy.
The place was packed full of shoppers and kids and bloody old people who couldn't work out how the lifts worked.

Wonder what words caught my attention in this rather elegant shop window?

A picture by the huge smart Christmas tree.... that suddenly started to talk.
Click here to watch 'trafford-centre-talking-tree'
Scary Stuff. Enough to give kids nightmares.

Clarrie's trendy boots. Abby wants some now.

The food hall, shaped like a huge ship. Unfortunately not a ghost ship... a very full ship. Why weren't all these people home cooking meat and 2 veg is beyond me.
I thought of you Dylan.

byes

Funny day today. Not particularly great. Never mind it's over. I'm going to Manchester all weekend, I'll tell you all about it next week.
Not back till late Sunday... Will you miss me?
Nah.
Having my usual panic. Will the cats be ok? Will the house be ok? Will I be ok?
All three use the Cat Flap now. Thankfully.
Hope it doesn't snow in the morning. The Taxi man said they don't drive in snow? What a lot of crap. How do they cope in Russia?
Anyways have a good weekend, whatever you are doing. And if you're working and driving.. Then stay safe.
Loves you all
XXX

pound sign

All you Brit bloggers will know that Blogger doesn't supprt the pound sign and gives you this crap ££ business if you try.
The key is to insert the code into the HTML page... but you mustn't click to compose mode before you publish or it just inserts the £ sign and reverts to gobbledy gook.
The code is this but all together no spaces ok?
& pound ;

ok so to repeat, it's the and sign &, the word pound and this comma sign ;
Try it.
xxx

edit it's a fecking semi-colon apparently!

working for free?

Isn't working for the NHS bloody great?
Yesterday work was a fecking nightmare, in fact I feel tense just thinking about it. So stressful, so busy and I was so unsupported in many issues.
But, I survived and it all got done and I feel quite proud of myself last night. Bearing in mind, I'm not 100% and I don't do great stress with particular aplomb.
I got my pay rise this week. I got 78 pence an hour more. Great. But this pay rise was from October 2004. So logic says I should have had a minor back pay? My calculations reckon £900 before tax. But there was nothing on my pay slip. So I called them. Was I entitled to any? What happened to it.
Ah, yes Ms Trinity. You are entitled to back pay but we are unable to release the funds for a further 3 - 4 months.
So, that means by that time we will have been waiting for our due pay for 16 months?
What industry accepts a pay rise then doesn't get it in full for 16 months?
Unbelievable.
Luckily I got my DLA this month or I'd be very very angry about that crap.

Snow hits Bristol

A smattering of snow hits Bristol and Chaos ensues! The kids were pleased though, always nice to see a bit of the white stuff. However Bailey had forgotten all about it and was horrified that everything looked and smelt different... Plus she hates getting her little paws wet. Every step she took she shook a paw and looked most unhappy.
I also had to drive really slowly in case we skidded. I felt about 90.

Trin Traffic Rants. Not for the faint hearted.

I had to go to work today. I wanted my holiday but Nope Trin had to work.
The traffic was vile this morning.
We always leave with seconds to spare and ALWAYS get caught by those vile lollipop ladies, shoving their stick in front my car and gossiping with all and sundry that passes.
We arrive at school and there's this queue of cars spewing out kids all along the street, stop, spew, drive off, stop, spew, drive off.
Then I'm alone and the real journey begins.
I'm a terribly aggressive driver. I hate the car in front unless they drive much much faster than me, then I admire them.
The worst driver is the one that doesn't keep up with the traffic. The dozy bastard that ambles along, stops and lets the traffic move on but doesn't keep up. Then they let four or five queue jumping cars in front of them holding up MY important journey.
And do not get me on the subject of Roadworks. Christmas is coming Nights are darker so Bristol City Council decide to dig up half the roads. In Bedminster they dug up both roads leading into the shopping area so there was no escape from the traffic this week... ridiculous.!
I hate red lights. The first picture is Gloucester Road and there must be about twenty sets of lights through it, and they were all sodding red today. Bastards.
Second little picture and I'm still on Gloucester Road and I hit a big jam.... Isn't usually bad there BUT...I find out why. Someone's put a fecking skip in a lane right by the traffic lights! Pathetic or what?
Bloody traffic wardens are quick enough to tow away your car if your parked somewhere legitimately for a few minutes longer than you should and charge you a few hundred quid. I hate them...gits.
Actually I did something very bad yesterday. I was just about on time for work and was zooming though the little back streets to skip the traffic and got stopped by a Skip truck picking up a full skip and I went berserk, I got out the car and shouted and raged at them.
Poor men, this woman in Uniform going loony. Oh well, they should all be locked up... bastards.


This Bus really incensed me this morning. Feck off Orange. Go 'Enjoy' yourself.
Abby told me off on the way home... (I picked her up from counselling). As we neared the house I noted the lollipop lady was missing from her normal turf.
"Maybe she's died" I said hopefully "Maybe she slipped and her lollipop shot up her backside and impaled her"
Then the woman turned the corner stick in hand and bright yellow coat gleaming. I reckon the bitch shines it.
Abby was appalled at her mother's thoughts. More fodder for counselling I say.

EXtreme extremities

Anyone remember when a make over was a slap of make up and your hair blow dried by Nicky Clarke on Morning TV? I remember they did a whole police station once. All the women had the once over with a damp Cloth and a bit of back combing.
Nowadays it's a much more serious business with plastic surgery and a personal trainer.
We're watching The American Extreme Make over version. It's all plastic and smiles and false laughing.
Tummy tucks and nose jobs and chemical peels followed by a Limo ride to a recovery centre where they make you walk up stairs and lie in luxury for a few days post surgery.

The bit that always makes me laugh is the Porcelain Veneers. They all get these white lumps of tooth. Personally I'm suspicious that they are really having a micro chip inserted into these teeth that will enable Mind Control by the American Secret Service.
Then the 'reveal' everyone cries, the grannies cry, the boyfriends cry, you reckon they're told to cry?
Often I reckon they look worse. They've been moulded into this plastic barbie shape. Then there's the 'fashion' I watched one last week with this awful floor length satin red dress with a cable strap on her chest. She looked dreadful.
The British version isn't so extreme, funny old programme. Sometimes you can't even tell what they had done and the teeth are never as brilliant white.
Wonder what extreme makeover will be in 10 years time? A whole new head? Eyes? Liver?
A foot transplant.
"Titanium aged 28 hates her feet so we've attached all new feet for her, perfect size 4 with uniform sized toes and real feel skin that will never blister no matter what shoes you cram them into".

no idea what to buy your Cyberman this Christmas??

I took the kids Christmas Shopping in Woolworths. They had this buy two get one free offer. I decided to buy a couple of gifts for the neighbours kids. (Next door had stuck her head over the fence Monday to ask Abby's name as she'd brought her a Christmas Present).
Trouble with these offers is, you buy stuff you don't actually want because they are a 'Bargain'.
I got two things then spotted a remote controlled Dalek for a tenner. I fell in love with it and thought it perfect for a friends child. I love Doctor Who (those Cybermans new flares are very Scooby Doo 1970's though)
So we went to pay... It came to 60 bloody quid. I was a bit shocked but only good thing was I got the free £5 gift voucher if you spend fifty quid.
Then we got back to the car to find out that A, I hadn't actually brought anything to qualify me for the buy two get the third free offer I'd forgotten and B, the Dalek was not a tenner but £20! I was out of the car like a shot and took the lot back. Got it refunded back to the card. But YES ... I still got the free fiver gift voucher.
That shop is full of the most vile screaming kids you have ever heard... all WANTING stuff. Personally I think they should be locked up until Christmas is over... Along with those old bleeders who press pedestrian controlled buttons. I hate those words Pedestrian controlled. Gives them such power pah.

Bailey Helps Out

Danielle has spent an hour wrapping her presents for her 'mates' In my day we never gave mates presents... Damn commercialism.
It's Baileys fav thing. Helping to wrap gifts. Helping to rip that paper up .... No need for scissors. Laying on the paper so no one can use it.. Bless.
Mind you I haven't bought her an Advent calendar this year after last years fiasco.
Danz is now upstairs doing her homework. She has to draw a treasure map.It's the shape of a fat 5 by 9 inch standing dragon with detail.
One of the details is to draw 2 fine land locked harbours inside the map.
Que?
Does Land locked mean no water to it at all and if that's the case why have a harbour.
I think I must be thick.

Christmas is Saved.

I finally got some money today. The tax office agreed to pay me what I was owed. I checked my bank balance online today and promptly burst into tears. I really hadn't realised how stressed I was about the money I owe. I seem to owe money to everyone.
I spent £500 in seconds paying bills online.
At least I can survive Christmas without having to worry about bills and being taken to court and stuff.
Ever since I can remember I've been crap with money. Money and me don't go well together, I think even if I had tons of the stuff, I'd still not cope.
When I was married I used to do EVERYTHING including the bills. We never had enough and I was always fretting about it.
For about 2 years before we split up I became obsessed with receiving mail. I was terrified of the post man. Terrified he'd bring me bills I couldn't pay and my husband would find out and hit me. He had a wicked temper.
The obsession mounted into a horrendous ordeal. I couldn't leave the house until the postman had been. Now Royal mail isn't known for it's efficiency and some days they didn't arrive until gone 2pm. I refused to work early shifts at my jobbecausee I couldn't get the post. I blamed childcare, and even working a late was terrifying. If the posty didn't come until gone 2 pm and I was in at 1.30 I'd have to ring in and make some excuse about the car breaking down.
I had my friends have keys and collect the post and EVEN pay to have the mail stopped for a week, if my husband was working late shifts. Obsession at it's worse. All consuming, all enveloping and I'm pretty sure was the catalyst that tipped me over the edge to a mental breakdown.
I'm not scared my the postman now. But I do refuse to open letters sometimes (until I feel strong). I felt so alone when I was married with money worries and hey ho I'm alone still. But at least the mess is my own doing and I can rationalise it. Plus no big bully is going to whack me for getting it wrong.
The worst was after Christmas though, that big after xmas skint feeling. I dreaded the post after Boxing Day and thenext few weeks with no money and all that sickening worry on my shoulders.
I couldn't ever get married again. It was too horrendous, too controlling and worrying.
I'm not the marrying kind.

BTW I had a mate called Martine who found out in a dreadful shock, that's husband was gambling all the money they had. He was paying the postman to deliver letters under the garage door so she didn'tt find them.
She found out with a BIG bang, when they came to repossess the house one day. She was home with the baby and they just came to the door. They could tell she was shocked and had no idea and left it for a week, but she had to get out.
Needless to say she divorced him.

Medics

I was thinking about my psychiatrist in the bath.
I like the fact that he sees me as a whole person and not just a crazy head. He always asks about the girls and how they're doing.
I think they're ok but who knows. I guess I'm just mum to them... Normal mum.
Abby just brought me a brochure she found. It has funny tee-shirts for sale, she showed me a few she liked.
"Look at this mum... "TWAT The War against Tourism"
"Terrorism" I prompted, then thought... Actually I don't much like tourists either.
We've been watching that essential piece of medical education. Holby City.
Tonight a man had half his body removed.
He looked perfectly well to me. They played the Track 'Just a perfect Day' As they prepared for surgery. (What?)
After the Operation there was this stubby bit of chest and his head and shoulders left in the bed. His wife couldn't bear to look at the space where his stomach genitals and legs once were.
What a bunch of crap. Who the fuck gives this totally dreadful show it's medical advice?
Straight after surgery he was sat up in bed (on his non existent bum) saying he can't live like that.
It was quite horrific actually, especially for kids to see. I hope that sort of tragedy never befalls their dear father.
Rather reminded me of that awful 'Boxing Helena' a few years back where the guy cuts off a limb a week because she refuses to marry him or something daft.
FFS What's the use of a legless armless woman apart from to paint pictures of herself. You'll never get much vacuuming or ironing done.Or home knitted socks really..
Apologies for any headless legless women reading.

Cpt Invincible

I saw the crazy doctor today.He reckons I'm more uplifted. Although he's worried about my invincibility status. Apparently I'm not invincible. Does the man think I'm quite mad? Ofcouse I am invincible... how did I get this far?
Hopeless
A day spent spending money, paying bills, defleaing monstrous cats, making flaming Christmas Crackers with 14 five year olds, having hair cut and looking like Dawn French!!
And the thing I was waiting to happen... it happened and I'm best pleased.
Phew.
My ankles hurt, like really hurt. I think I got deformed ankles. They stick out and my feet look like Wales with Snowdon poking up.
sigh

James Asmo and the world

"Now I'm relieved to hear
That you've been to some far out places
It's hard to carry on
When you feel all alone
Now I've swung back down again
It's worse than it was before
If I hadn't seen such riches
I could live with being poor

Oh sit down
Oh sit down
Oh sit down
Sit down next to me
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down, down
In sympathy

Those who feel the breath of sadness
Sit down next to me
Those who find they're touched by madness
Sit down next to me
Those who find themselves ridiculous
Sit down next to me
In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate, in tears
In love, in fear, in hate"

Whilst driving (yep drive, see what a good mum I am?) Danz to school today they were playing James on the Local radio and it made me think about Asmo, my mate. I never liked James much originally, guess they weren't 'pretty' enough)
But I do like these lyrics. I smiled a huge smile when they sang these lines.
"If I hadn't seen such riches
I could live with being poor"
Plus I do like the lines I highlighted in bold up there. Kinds Apt seeing today is a psychiatrist day.
But I'm better than last month.
Sit down next to me.
(not you Azhar though)

right

"Hi Trinity, Thank's a lot for your e-mail. I hope you'll enjoy watching ' Jack Dee ' He's quite funny. How are you Trinity ? How are you coping with this cold weather ? You should wrap yourself up to your knees this coming wednesday. It's going to be verry cold. Get hold of a nice book and read all evening . That's what i would love to do on a cold day. If you need some books ,please name a few. I shall send it to you. Even cd's. I have quite a few books and cd's which i 've not even listed. So please let me know. Of course you deserve the best in life. Receiving a few dvd's now and then shouldn't make you feel guilty.I dont dish out gifts easily. Just for someone i like very much, and there's not many around except some one who lives in b***** avenue. Good night Trinity ! i'm getting a bit sentimental now. Sleep well.and take it easy. God bless. Azhar. x"

Ummm my email said. "Thanks for the DVD's but you must not sed me gfts.Please don't do it again"
Worked then?

D I Yawn

I set off for DIY for cretins tonight in thick deep blanket fog. It was also perishingly freezing. Wonder why they call cold weather perishing? Is it because it makes the male genitals shrivel? Have I got a very filthy mind?
Anyways, as I set off down the road I could barely see in front of me. My housing area is at the foot of the Dundreys and seems to trap any nasty fog banks.
It doesn't help that I've read and watched far too many horror tales... 'The Fog'... Watch it doesn't get you!!
I was unnerved to get there and find all the car park spaces taken by parents picking up kids from some damn football practice. I parked miles up the road and trudged down in the eerie weather.
I was surprised to find 8 of us DIY Idiots there all ready and waiting.
What was our first task? Fecking grouting... Was that tiling nightmare ever going to end? Actually I was quite good at getting my finger stuck in there and poking in the holes.
Then we talked about drilling into tiles, then shelving.
Ah, the moment I'd been waiting for. La creme de la Creme... Now I'd be able to adorn my little council castle with shelves in every room.
Right.
I have no idea what I was expecting, but he handed out some printed handouts on shelves. Showed us a few brackets. Talked about shelving in an alcove.
I then said I was worried about drilling. He said to get some wood and practice at home.
I'd wanted to drill there in wood, with him around to call the ambulance should my hand obtain holes.
The thing is, how can you learn without doing it yourself. His talking did nothing for me. I have no idea what a 2 be 1 is, what drill bit is a masonry one, what screws to us.
I felt a bit deflated, my back hurt from standing for 90 minutes and it was foggy. So I left a tad early.
So no pictures this week... BUT don't fear. I have my Ikea shelf and Friday it will be put up here and I'll snap a shot just for you.
PS if you don't ever hear from me again, I've drilled through an electric thingy and dropped dead.
Please wear black, have a memorial orgy for me and place Mister Yellow on my coffin... No flowers... They're for dead people.

unwanted

I was most freaked out today.I got a parcel in the post... from Azhar. Two new DVD'S War of the Worlds and Jack Dee Live. At least it wasn't Silence of the Lambs or Texas Chain saw massacre. But I don't get why he's sending me gifts and he knows my address and I was extremely freaked out by it.

vile

I'm in a miserable mood. Everyone seems to be happier and more fortunate than me.
Now I am well aware that this is total crap, but if I see someone else getting on with their lives and being remotely happy, this veil comes over my brain and the evil jealousy emerges.
Now you aren't telling me that's the reaction of a decent lovely person. so I must be vile.
Now what am I going to do about this vileness?
If I had money, I'd give to charity to purge my soul of the need for greed.
If I had energy I'd go working in my spare time for some charity to keep my vile soul too busy to be vile.
If I was intelligent, I wouldn't consider myself vile. Just challenged and face the challenge head on.
What the feck am I talking about?
I am a bit vile though, not sure which bit but maybe I can cut it out with me Stanley Knife tomorrow night.

icy day

I feel old today. I seem to ache all over and I feel so ugly and fat and sluggish. Interestingly my head has sparked all afternoon, not sure why but I had read that the Effexor withdrawal can span a significant period of time.
Next door keep banging... It's nearly 8.30pm and they are banging again and their baby doesn't stop crying. Probably crying due to the excessive banging no doubt.
I have a feeling I've taken a tablet overdose. I'm meant to take 2 antibiotics 4 times a day but I reckon I took more of my nutty pills by accident this morning. That would explain my weirdness today.
I seem to take so many it's a bit hit and miss.
The kids tell me we are dull. We haven't got our Christmas trimmings up yet.
We'll have to be dull for a few weeks longer.... I refuse to do it yet. Bloody idiots. All that dust and electricity.
I'm having my weekend crisis a tad late. I hate weekends, but as it's Sunday it'll soon be over.
Work called me
They want me to take much of next week as holiday. All week except Wednesday. Then there's some query about Thursday. It may be ok but I might need to work. I don't want to work Thursday. The colleague whose on that day irritates me. She doesn't work the same way as I do.
Now I'm not proclaiming my way is THE WAY. But her way is to chill and let it all go over her head. I can't work like that. Chill usually means things slide and don't get done.
Maybe they want me to take some holiday because they're pissed off with the self righteous uptight bitch Trinity.... probably.

education today

As far as I'm concerned education has never been the same since they did away with Peter and Jane.
All this Kicking King crap and Munching Mike letterland crap has added to Youth Crime all over World. Some poor American kids are initiated into the lawless Letterland

"Grade 1s celebrated Letterland characters by making a fruit salad. Here Golden Girl (Georgina) with Mrs Nunnerly gets grapes to add to the delicious salad - along with Annie Apple Apples and Bouncing Ben Bananas...."

Poor Georgina forced into a life of Fruit crime.

Sunday morning Flickr

Gems

Great Pictures from Cunning Stunt on Flickr I love the Pussy book...Naturally BUT Guitars and vacuums? In the same store? Cool!

Why me?

"Trinity Why ? Azhar."

I got email. A spooky three words.
Very strange. I can be friendly at times but I assure you I was nothing but professional.
I got Bailey back last night, gone midnight. She came waddling in all het up and hungry. Maybe she'll learn not to sneak into other peoples houses.
Going to dinner with me mother again today. She's made a stew. God help us.
My fathers recovering from his surgery. I feel a bit guilty I haven't been to see him.
Franz Ferdinand are on TV singing 'Walk Away'. Bloody hell, they sound like the Smiths. Not sure if I really like the new sound, and why is he throwing himself at a grave?
Is it meant to be tongue in cheek? Hope so otherwise they're taking it all a little too seriously.
Also watching Lady Sovereign (who has to have modeled herself on GLC) singing Hoodie.

HOODIE Lady Sovereign

For a second I Bin fashion Queen
An I'm just lookin at ya, god
Ya bin on too many catalogue sprees
Visit GrannyViper in the Zy your hurtin me eyes
You really shook ma vibe your dress sense before ya walk on by

I'm kinda mixed up in this Disco Inferno
Baggy Jeans an' a Tight Top lemonade Inferno
I'm stickin' out like a sore thumb,
But I ent concerned,
Oh-no oh-oh oh-oohh (Boogie)

Chorus:
Fling on an adidas hoodie,
An' just boogie-woogie wiv me.
Or you can just put on your dancin' shoes
An' get loose, can you get loose, Can yooouuu'

So I was up in dis trendy bar,
Ming-e-lin, ma keys around ma neck were jing-e-lin,
An' you was lookin' at me like it waz ma bling
You was staring at me like to say I waz ginger,
But I was dishing out the same dirty looks, Trust me you're a minger

Eergh…Who's she, Who's that, Who's her,
The bouncer was approaching me coz I waz dressed really
Un-appropriately.
No-Hoods, No-Hats, No-Dis, No-Dat
Let's Roll oh-oh oh-oohh

Chorus x1

(Right Everybody we got someone who can't dress properly, yer, You need to direct 'em dis way)

ok so I don't get all of that, but the song is young and fresh even is she does look like the obnoxious Stacey Slater from Eastenders. But it did get me worked up for Manchester next weekend. You aren't allowed Hoodies in the Trafford Centre.... so I'm gonna wear one for effect.
You're only young once...(or three times if you're Trin)

blah blahdee blah

The girls are back. They loved the film but were quite distraught at their fathers behaviour. He basically ignored them, he never spoke to them, he never mentioned how nice they looked or that their hair was different. Abby said they went and hid by the loo's at one point because they felt so upset that no-one was speaking to them (he took most of tree trunks family along... including her kids and friends)
She said no-one even noticed they'd gone.
He has no idea what so ever of how to deal with daughters.
Oh well, least he did take them I guess.
Baileys still not home. I can't go to bed till she's safe.

trapped

It's terrible!
Next door have gone to a fancy dress party for the night.
After a few hours I realised Bailey was missing. I went out to call her and heard a pitiful little mewing.
She's been and sneaked in next door and got locked in. It's awful. I can't bear her little cry for me. Even though I know she's safe and warm... hope she doesn't pee in there or wreck something. If she doesn't get her own way here she usually takes off the wallpaper.
I miss her........
This is her with her new radiator bed.

funny 5 mins

The kids have gone to see Harry Potter with their dad. Hope they're ok and he treats them nice. They looked so grown up tonight, hair all straightened and make up... Both of them.
I had a funny 5 minutes earlier. I began to feel really sad. I was thinking about past stuff. All the people I've met and passed by. All the lives I've brushed past. All those people that meant so much to me at the time, but didn't feel the same way about me.
I feel like I'm an old wall. I've got layers and layers of old peeling paint and wallpaper on me, and the more people I meet the more layers get piled on. Covering up the bare boards, some of it looks good for a while then it peels away again and gets shabbier and dirtier.
If you understand all of that you should be a bloody psychiatrist but basically however painful it might be, I really need to go back to the bare boards and start all over.
Well anyways, earlier I went to bed and it felt good, I gently submerged into my murky mood and let it close over the top of me.. But as always it got too intense and too dark and I began to panic. I needed to reach out to someone to get a grip and resurface.
Dopey bitch aren't I?
The person I chose wasn't really available. Maybe that was for the best. I switched off the phone and went to sleep.
When I woke up those little sweeties had done all the housework. Washed up and the house was immaculate. They didn't know what else to do. Aren't they just the absolute best kids in the whole world. And I'm the most miserable stupid bitch of a Mother ever?
Anyways I need to write this stuff down so I can reflect. Sorry world.

Christmas greetings for 99p

I'm pissy. I had twenty quid left in the bank and the bank took it for bank charges. I knew I shouldn't have left it sitting in there.
Bastards.
Never mind, what I aint got I can't spend can I?
Not sure I even need anything, but the fear of something happening and not having the cash to sort it out worries me greatly. A natural born worrier.
The girls had some cash. I took them to the 99p shop in Broadwalk. They love such cheapo places where everything is a bargain. Makes me mad that other shops sell stuff at such high prices, they had hair dye there that the local Chemist sells for seven quid.
Anyways, Christmas looms and wasn't I charmed and wowed to get a Merry Christmas Email from my ISP Blueyonder this morning (not).
They are kidding right?

Nyctophobia

Watching crap Kids TV with the girls. They're both straightening their hair and being all girlie...
They just layed The Darkess new track 'One way Ticket'
It's a pretty lame song. Doesn't rock the room for me at all. But what does do it for me is Justin Hawkins Bum. So small and firm and touchable.
sigh

get it right.

For Monsieur Xoggoth. A picture I snapped this year whilst in Disney Paris of the Small Small world ride. A ride you can go round and round endlessly until you puke.
Nope, stuppo man.
Jordan and Peter sang 'A Whole NEW World'... not 'A Small Small World'. FFS keep up.
That was from Aladdin and his Harem.

Delirious Trin

Just when you thought it was safe to leave the TV to take a piss the inevitable happens..
Out pops the spectacular of the year. Jordan AKA Katie Price AKA Mrs Peter Andre and her hubby (what's he done to his hair?) dressed in white singing a Fecking Disney song... 'A whole New World'.
Magic... Just fecking magic.

Need and crime

Children in need is getting worse... Far worse. ATM we have the cast of Emmerdale torturing me with some old songs. OK OK I'll confess it's a fair cop guvnor.....
I see that those boys in blue have this new Crime site where you can search for 'The Most Wanted' Criminal in your locality.
I put my postcode in, hit search within 100 miles radius of my house in a FIVE year time span... and only had ONE hit.
Bleedin' Hell I must live in a crime free area! (not)
Shit, now we got that fat ugly DJ Moyles on the TV... Now that's criminal..

charideee pah humbug

I bloody hate these tv Charity Marathons, especially the very unentertaining Children In Need. But the kids like it and the thought that someone is being helped by them spurs on their enthusiasm. Deep joy for the youth of today and booo to the old cynics like moi.
Fecking feck though, not only do we have to put up with the bumbling Terry Wogan, who should be locked up in an old peoples home, but the dire Fearne Cotton (incidentally dressed in a red crochet cushion cover) and some news reader (Natasha some russian name) with makeup put on with a trowel.
The very first act was Liberty X murdering the Shalamar's hit 'Night to Remember'
If that song had been played on X Factor... Simon Cowell would have tore it to bits. Flat, dull with a dance routine that made the Boston 2 Step seem exciting.
And what the feck has Madonna got on?
Crikey, my eyes are hurting... keep Christmas in December Madge ... are you listening?
Mind, she's more animated than Liberty X. Still off key though, maybe if she didn't bounce those boobs so much her voice might stay in control.
ps... you know why that ugly yellow bear wears an eye patch? because I stabbed the other one hahahahhahahhahahhahaha

you listening spidey!

Guardian Unlimited start paying for your children:

"Get out of the Spiderman suits and start paying for your children"

"Every father should be forced to hand over 15% of his income direct to the mother from the day they split "

Thank you oh sweet Gruanaid and the lovely Clarrie for bringing this to my attention. I asked the CSA for a review well back in August. I haven't heard a thing. Apparently there is a backlog. Why? It's crap. If we told the tax man we had a backlog of bills to sort out and he'd have to wait we'd be straight up in front of the Judge.
I had to wait 18 months without a penny when the kids dad left us, and when the CSA finally told him to pay, they gave him THREE MONTHS off paying because he'd replied within the time frame.
Unbelievable.
Why do FFJ dress as Superheroes? Because they bloody are not!

misery

I'm a freak and a failure and I'm crap.
I went to work today at 9am, got in only to find out I was on the wrong shift. I was meant to be going in at 3pm.
To be honest, I didn't have the money for petrol to go back home and come back in the evening, so I got upset because I'd failed and stayed. It was bloody busy this morning, with all sorts of stuff happening and I did work hard. But I felt guilty leaving Karrie on her own this evening.
I've come home, found the post, shuffled through it hopefully, like I do every day. Hoping there will be some good news, maybe a cheque from the accident people or news on my DLA which has been going on since August but no, nothing. I guess I should be grateful there aren't any sodding bills!
I'm so bloody miserable and sneery today. There was a woman in the car park, about 50-ish with bleached blonde mullet hair (short on top and long at the back) with tight black leather trousers and a fluffy baby pink gillet of the same material as some cheap fur cushions.
I found myself sneering at her clothes, I couldn't believe she'd wear that... Then I thought... She feels good in it. WTF? Shut up you miserable bitch.
Then the car in front of me was this huge people carrier with a woman driver who kept turning around getting stuff off the back seat and not paying attention to the road. I seriously wanted to kill her. WTF is the matter with me?
I've lost my sense of humour, I was looking forward to Little Britain last night but found it incredibly dull. I didn't laugh once. In fact parts of it irritated me.
I am a miserable cow.
Get me a brown paper bag to put over my head now.
Save the world.

I Got Email

QUOTE.

"Dear Trinity,

Grandad's beard. Tomorrow morning's Weetabix. Earthworms. For children, there's a big wide world out there waiting to be discovered. And they rely on touch to explore the world around them. Sensitive skin however can affect a child's natural instinct to explore.

That's why it's important to
choose a laundry detergent
that has been shown
to be kind next to
your child's skin".

FFS. Grandad's beard? Tomorrow's Weetabix?...discovery?
Who writes this fecking crap and, why email it to me?
Incase you're wondering, it was Ariel washing powder.
Who the fuck do they think I am? Mother of the Year?
We buy cheap crap and we're happy with it.

not long to live

Dentists are fecking crap. For a start who would want to look in peoples mouths all day? Who would want to cause extreme pain all day? Yep those little soldiers of enamel. Dentists.
I have a capped front tooth , capped because a dentist many years back split it from top to bottom with a drill. Idiot. This caused years of agony, surgery, root fillings and caps.
The last root filling was crap. The dental hospital told me it was inadequate and the top of the root canal was dead and granulated. It gets intermittently infected.
My tooth abscess started again last week. I had to take out the cap and let it drain.
I finally got to see my NHS dentist today.
He imparted bad news.
There is nothing more they can do. I either need a denture or a 2 grand screw tooth inserted.
Stuff that, I said. Stick the bastard back in again and give me antibiotics.
He advised against it as the abscess could grown into my face and my brain.
'Will you come to my funeral?', I enquired. He said, he would bring a red rose for the coffin with a label, 'I Told You So attached'.
I can't go without a tooth. Bloody idiots.

Abby Awarded

After Rainbows tonight we dashed home to get ready for some awards ceremony at school.
I was impressed, only a handful of kids were picked for awards.It was a full blown party with food on the tables and drink... Yes alcoholic drink. And it was all free.
Abby got an award for Good Citizen which I think means being thoroughly nice, decent and helpful to everyone.
There was an award to best mathematician and I nudged Natalie and said... I bet Abby gets that one. Natz burst out laughing.

Abby got her award from Marcus Stewart and ex Hartcliffe school boy, who plays for Bristol City now.
As she went up to get it, I jumped up for a picture.... No other parent had even tried to get photos unbelievably.
I yelled 'Abby', she turned around with this look of horror spreading over her face, and she ducked and RAN the other way, leaving dopey mother stood there with a sodding camera... And the whole hall erupted in laughter.
Anyways I got her picture later with the gorgeous Laura and her Head Teacher, and the Footballer.
She had a certificate and a ten pound gift voucher for Woolworths... Beats a merit anyday.