who reads the mail anyways?

So, When the school locks the gates at 08.30 am and refuses to let the late pupils in, the school nurse can pass out the condoms as they get sent home?

Of course mail readers kids won't need birth control as they're being conditioned by the nice free classic Children's DVD's. But for gods sake don't opt for the "We can post the whole collection to you" option as Fred and Gladys deliver it.
(who ARE fred and Glad anyways?)

The kids are back from their visit. He only had them for an hour. No major traumas except he talks to them like babies. I think he forgets they are growing up.

We just went out to the shops to get my Mother some flowers... my God Tesco was heaving and all they had left were the dregs, half dead blooms and naff gifts.
So we ended up in the local co-op and got some very nice blooms for a fiver. Cheap me? Well they go die anyways.