Honey, It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't stop thinking
And I don't look down
Embrace 2005
I'm sorry I haven't any words of inspirational quality today. I'm actually quite down. It's been coming for a while. Like a boil that festers and won't go away.
I need it to all come out into the open, be resolved and go away.
Every single part of my life is affected.
Work, home, friends... Damn even Rainbows. Marie told me tonight that one child hadn't been coming because I'd shouted at the group one night because they refused to listen.
Yeah I shout to get attention at times but it's always followed with a smile and praise when they comply.
But it worried me. Maybe I shouldn't be doing Rainbows anymore?
The real worry is that when everything seems bad, I'm slipping into depression.
I keep thinking bad things. My head hurts and my jaw aches from needing to scream "FOR FUCKS SAKE GO AWAY FUZZY MISERABLE HEAD"I'm not even sure if I'm real anymore. How do I know I'm not in a weird 'Total Recall' Movie?
For one reason, I guess if this was a dream I'd be a size 10 with cascading hair to my butt and a set of boobs to die for. You think I'd dream to be like this?
Problems with Abby again.
She didn't go to school this afternoon. That damn Catering course at the college. Her Amy and Charlotte got to the bus stop at 12.40 and at 13.40 the bus still hadn't come. Fearful of another tongue lashing for the ever sympathetic Catering teacher she rang me and went home.
Now she'll get an unauthorised absence mark.
The bus service is appalling. I don't know. Part of me thinks that in a few months time they'll be at work or college and the bus excuse won't wash... Except that if they are late with a reason they will be treated as adults and not school kids and be yelled at.
Then the other part thinks that this is school and someone should be over looking how they get to lessons... Even the ones that are miles away. The other kids like Dan get Computer lessons at another school. They get transport provided.
And I'm tired and not sure that I have the fight to go over this again and again with that unhelpful crap school.
Sorry. Sorry.Sorry. If I say it a thousand times will it make it all better?
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4 comments:
Hmmmm. I think you went wrong there flaps. I don't know about Rainbows but I did Scouts for a while and it isn't a shouting thing. It's a recreation, a social evening, not an education. You have to make sure they are safe but otherwise don't take it too seriously.
Get down to that expensive gym nof yours. Went to mine tonight, joined week before last but couldn't go last week as I forgot my track suit bottoms and only had those tight things that make me sensitive about my lunchbox shortcomings.
Not surprised your kids don't get to their courses on time if it's in Brighton & Hove/East Moulsecombe! There's a nice catering course in East Kilbride Abby could go to.
Xoggoth, what are you talking about? Scouting IS an education!!!!
The Scouting Mission statement is "The aim of the Association is to promote the development of young people in achieving their full physical, intellectual, social and spiritual potential, as individuals, as responsible citizens and as members of their local, national and international communities.
The Method of achieving the Aim of the Association is by providing an enjoyable and attractive scheme of progressive training, based on the Scout Promise and Law, and guided by adult leadership.
If it's recreation and socialisation you want, go to a Youth Club!!!
Actually if you 'did Scouts for a while' and all you did was recreation and socialisation then I suggest the Scout leader wasn't doing his job very well.
For a leader it is very important not to run it as a games night every night otherwise the children are not being trained and he is failing them!
In that case I can only blame the scout leader 'cos we seemed to do a lot of crab football.
Personally, I wanted to organise them along the lines of the Hitler Youth and do evenings of bayonet practice in local old people's homes but I got overruled.
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