pink sugar rush

"Her name is Yoshimi - she's a black belt in karate
Working for the city - she has to discipline her body -
Cause she knows that it's demanding to defeat these
Evil machines - I know she can beat them -

Oh Yoshimi
They don't believe me
But you won't let those
Robots defeat me
Oh Yoshimi
They don't believe me
But you won't let those
Robots eat me"

Flaming Lips 2002

We just got back from the cinema. I used my free tickets to take the girls to see The Pink Panther. I'm a huge Peter Sellars fan. The man was a genius. He didn't even have to try, he WAS Inspector Clouseau. This version was a parody. I'm not going to compare... There was no comparison. But it was an evening out, I haven't done anything with the girls for so long now. And we did laugh a little, so it was ok. Glad the tickets were free though.
However with the cinema came a huge sugar intake. I've been craving sweets constantly. I knew I would. Anti-Depressant time again baby! You know it's real when you wake up thinking "I need Jam Sandwiches"
I ate 1/2 bag of peanut M&M's instead of any dinner. Now this behaviour is clashing with my need to build up stamina. So I have two extreme clashes happening in my head.
Puking is easy... easy quick and basically a rush to the head.
I went through a great 5 months of controlling everything that went into my mouth (no jokes here folks) and then vomiting. Yes, look at me now! I once lost 4 stone in 4 months. Then they got me on some pills that knocked me senseless and I stopped and ballooned.
The trap of the psychiatric medication. Most of them make you fat, full stop.
So I got home and battled with the urge to purge myself... Went up and down the stairs a few times, then did it.
I feel better for it. Why is something that makes me feel good so bad? I didn't need those vile candy sweets anyways.
I'm still not sure these pills are the best thing for me. Lots of rather odd behaviour that I'd managed to tuck away has crawled out of the woodwork again.
Well, at least the black thoughts have gone. Actually there aren't many thoughts at all really.
Abby is fretting about her mock exams and her father. Now who gives kids mock exams a few weeks before their real ones? What's the point? Double anxiety. A bit like my sister, she had a practice driving test a week before her real one. After it finished the driving instructor said "Guess it's too late the cancel next weeks test?" She failed of course.
Every other school did mocks back in November but oh no, not HECC.
Then she's fretting about seeing her Dad. I dunno why. Just a combination of stuff I guess.
Ok enough writing therapy. Stupid really.