never call me HW

"And all of the boys she had waiting in line
Ah such are the dreams of the everyday housewife
You see everywhere anytime of the day
And everyday housewife who gave up the good time for me"

Glen Campbell 1968

Crikey I'm turning into a housewife. God Knows whose wife I am though, what does house-wife mean? Wife to the house or just a woman whose married and husband goes to work?
I was never a housewife. I always worked. Right from age 15 I've worked. After I had Abby I worked full time for a year. It was the hardest year ever. See, I worked and I did everything else as well.
Makes me laugh to hear about him now. Apparently he's a model partner. DIY all the time. Helps out. Is a fully participating Step Father. Coaches Junior Rugby.
Isn't that sad that he couldn't do any of that for me and OUR kids?
What should I think? That we weren't good enough? Special enough?
Apparently my senior managers have decided that a year is too long for me to wait for counselling and are trying to organise me 12 weeks of counselling with the woman I had once before.
TBH Last time I was far too psycho to gain much from counselling. But I have ISSUES that I have to talk about. OK blogger I can tell you stuff but you don't have the human face that I need. The hand to wipe my tears. The heart to empathise. The head to tell me it will all get better soon and I'm going to be ok.
I have never mourned the marriage. Never shed a tear for it. And sometimes I fear it will come to bite me. I was just so glad he went. The day he beat me up in the kitchen in front of the kids. The day he ripped the phone from the socket so I couldn't call for help. The day that put Abby into counselling.
The day that means that now I can't ever see me really having a true trusting and happy relationship again.
We were married for 11 years and I didn't see it coming?
What of I made a bad choice again?
I'm not sleeping well. Can't relax. Sign of a upward time. I was going back to bed when the kids went to school. But instead I blitzed the downstairs. It smells of Lime Polish and bleach now.
The CD player has started to work again. Seems when I was down everything was wrong. I was probably putting the cd's in upside down or something stupid. I am 73% stupid after all ;)