The first few hours of a downward spiral after feeling relatively ok are acutely painful. The realisation that yes , here we go again. Down I sink into the bog. I can't quite allow a huge crash because I've got Rainbows tonight but the effort of maintaining that assemblance of normality will force me to sleep all evening.
I'm a complete failure as a person. I can't maintain friends at all. I guess they get pissed off with my ever changing moods and banal conversation.
I also feel I'm hign maintenance at times. I'm a miserable stupid fucking bitch and who'd want to be friends with that.
In the mornings before I put on my glasses, I look at my fuzzy image in the mirror and sneer at that face. Another day, the same face though.I feel a bit upset that I got told off in work yesterday, if truth be told. I do work really hard at work. I take on a lot of stuff I shouldn't and for one second I'd relaxed and wasn't uptight and wham I get caught doing something 'naughty' that's me isn't it? I'm crap. Where's my good fortune, good health. Where's someone to love me? Am I so completely unloveable and so horrible a person?
I must be mustn't I? There's no other explanation for it.
None at all.
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1 comment:
You are not a complete failure everyone feels rubbish some of us most of the time. Doesn't mean we are.
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