Bad Day

Fool's Gold. Why ever would I want to lift myself over the parapet to look over the wall. I did this week. I allowed myself the luxury of forgetting how worthless I am for a few days. And when it returned to me it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt crap today. I found it hard to go to work. I couldn't even put the radio on in the car. Too down to think about music.
And work was awful. The whole day was vile. People had to wait hours to be seen, nothing I did made a blind bit of difference, no point me being there really. I could also tell that some people were dismissing my concerns just because it was me. Fuck it, it probably was me.
One small good thing happened today. We had a child in for an injection. She was terrified of needles. Poor love. She'd had a dreadful experience as a small child. I wasn't dealing with her initially and the first attempt failed. Leaving her so scared. She simply couldn't let them do it. She was so frightened. So we sent her out for lunch and someone suggested getting gas to do it. Gas??
So I took over.
I counselled her beforehand. Made sure she expressed herself, her fears and told her to yell the place down if it made her feel better.
And we did it, very quickly and very controlled. And I sat with her afterwards and we talked through what had happened and how she felt. How she coped with it. How proud we were of her and how she should feel proud of herself. Because she achieved so much. It's a bit of an art getting someone to do something they are terrified of. You have to take control and absorb their emotions and talk them through every single tiny step. The fear of the unknown is worse.
I told her that for a long time I was terrified of the dentist. When I was five I bit him because he hurt me and he threw me out of the chair and told my mother never to bring that little animal here again.
After she was a different child. Her Nan hugged me and thanked me. She made me feel good. Bless her. If only she knew.