crying

We've spent the evening crying. I'm so unhappy. I can't seem to lift myself out of this pit I've dug. It's my own fault and the worst bit is I can actually see that it's stupid. But it won't leave me.
Work was horrid in it's miserable own way. I no longer want to be there. I still can't see what I've done wrong. Work was a safe haven, always has been. But now It's left me paranoid and sad. Straight after work was Rainbows. I went through the motions but just wanted to get home to let it all out.
But my Mother was here. My dad went to B&Q and was there 90 minutes. The whole time she sat on my sofa and looked uncomfortable. I wasn't making it easy. I was so down, I couldn't pretend to make light conversation.
She eventually went. No doubt reaffirming her belief I am vile.
I made dinner and a friend called and the flood gates opened. I'd been ok until someone was nice to me.Then I just wept... For heavens sake, there's people far worse off in this world than me.
Then I did something REALLY stupid. In my despair, I told Abby that I really didn't want to live like this, miserable and sad.
Then she started to talk and it all came out. She doesn't want to go to St Lucia. She's frightened of leaving me. She's scared of being alone and not having me there but mostly she's scared I won't be here when she gets back.
Schools been horrible. She feels friendless. She really hasn't done anything wrong. I'm very hurt that people would ignore her like that. She hasn't got an easy life and I really thought she'd made some great friends at that school, unlike that last one where she was bullied and ignored and ostracised. I really thought this group of kids were ok... But seems they don't care about her at all. She feels so vulnerable at the moment with so much change and me not being right.
I hope those who are making her unhappy leave her alone.
Her and me huh? Maybe it's us? Maybe we are unlikeable. Well I like her, I love her to bits. She's my best friend and my rock and I wouldn't survive without her (but I'll manage a week Abby!) I'd never have survived the divorce and homelessness and troubles and depression and surgery and ..... Endless list.
She said she's been frightened of going to St Lucia for weeks. It's a big deal. A long way away. But it'll go so quickly.
She has a college interview tomorrow. That's worrying her too.
So much going on, and I'm not helping at all and I feel bad.
Maybe a good cry made us both feel better.