tra lalala lala

Crying crying crying, all the time crying. Why? Who the fuck knows. My ankles are really swollen. I feel about 60. It's the drugs. It happened before, even worse then this. But it makes me miserable.
I want friends but on my terms and that's not good enough. So best without them. I've never been a selfish person. I always put others before me, the whole time. Worry about other people. I've always wanted people to like me. But by being that way you open yourself up to possible destruction. So better on your own.
Then no-one can hurt you or disappoint you or destroy you. I can't self destruct. I have the girls to nuture.
The drug withdrawal is total hell. I want to rip my head off and stamp on it. If I had the energy.
I've lost myself in Big Brother for a few weeks now. A bit worried it's ending. Not that I've enjoyed it. I hate it and I hate all of them particularly Makosi and Craig.
I feel a bit better now. You're my friend Blogger. You're my confidante. Plus I can't upset you, if I say something wrong or stupid or selfish.
I love you blogger. You are fabulous.
xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx