The Golden 50

Sat at my mothers last weekend bored out of my tiny mind, my hand wandered over to the magazine rack (yes they have a magazine rack, OMG dreadful) and I picked out The 'Yours' magazine.
This is the ultimate magazine for the over 50's. This month's mag had tips for dating the over 50's, and embarrasing problems you can't talk to your Doctor about.
FFS if at 50 there's still stuff I can't tell my doctor, I'll need a shrink (chortle). The thing was for each 'embarrasing' problem there was a footnote, *go see your doctor* (hmph).
I cringed. Is this what life's to be like when I reach 50? Magazines full of Stannah Stairlifts and walk in baths, Those wollen shoes with the velcro strap, and Damart thermal vests.
Will I be banned in Sainsburys from buying the NME.
Security guard taps me on the shoulder.."No Mam, there's your magazine over there"
YOURS....
With Alan Titchmarsh saying why he prefers the 'older' woman (because he's an old git of course) knitting patterns and how to beat arthritis pain.
Me and Marie have already planned our 'Golden Years' we're going in a home together. I'm to stockpile Viagra from work, over the years until we got enough for a black market.
Then we're going to trap those gorgeous little old men with our smooth talking and pharmaceutical supplies. We don't want any smelly ones though so they better stock up on aftershave.
And my Stannah stairlift better have a booster button. Wonder if anyone has ever had sex on a Stannah Stairlift?
(ps Elvis lives, according to page 34)