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I'm a bit down today. Part of me wishes I'd kept Abby home because I'm not coping too well. Why me? Why can't I just be like everyone else? Why can't I just have normal emotions and feelings. Why, if I'm happy, does it have to be touch the sky ecstatically happy or sad, I'm on the floor wanting life to end sad.
I phoned my dad and he asked if I had any problems. None I said apart from not having enough money to live this month.
He wasn't impressed. I think he thought I was asking for money. But I wasn't. I was trying to say that I feel a failure for not providing enough for us three to live on this month. A crap mother. I have to support us, no-one else can. I made myself this way. I made my bed and now I lie here. I feel my life has been a battle. Someone sort out the cease fire for a while and give me some peace. But of course no one will. Because only I can do that.
I'm beginning to dread the postman coming again. Boy that's a bad sign. I don't know why. But he might bring me bad news, a bill, a nasty letter. I hate the phone ringing. Will it be someone wanting something. Emails. Just skim them incase there's nasty words in there.
The blogs ok. No one can hurt the blog and if they try my blog friends will crush them.
Somedays I get so tired of living as trin.