I'm miserable. I hate weekends. In fact I hate every day. I think I'm slipping a bit. I can feel it. A rising panic, intolerance with the kids. Feeling anxious at work. I even noticed one girl who is usually calm and lovely being irritable with me yesterday. I feel very alone again. But I feel I've probably used all the resources of my 'friends' Actually I haven't really got any friends. If I don't have friends then nobody can hurt me. You're probably better on your own Trin, you know that really. I can't do anything right anyways.
I want to go to bed and lie and be miserable, where no one can see me and the demons can't find me. Did you know it's safe in bed?
But I have to go get Danz photo taken for her passport, and I run out of pills again. I do it every month. I'll have to buy some again. I expect an interrogation from the pharmacist. I hope I can hold it together and not flip like I did at the Car Phone Warehouse. People don't like being called evil as a general rule.
I'm a bit scared.
They're coming for me again. I don't want to keep doing this.
When's it ever going to end. When I'm dead?
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2 comments:
We love you.
I love you.
Now smile. Bigger than that.
Come on! BIGGER smile than that!
That's a bit better.
You are loved.
*hugs*
It will end much sooner than that flaps.
Bet your weekend has not been as crap as mine, mental illness beats listening to one of my sister's boring talks at a conference anyday and I know both very well. What a way to spend Saturday. Only just got back. Where's the vodka???
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