Blogging

I was thinking about my blog last night. It all seems so samey and dull these days. Maybe it always was. I'm nervous about letting it go though, because I still have those low times when I desperately need someone to tell shit to and there never will be anyone in my life suitable to take such information. Although maybe if I could just get some decent counselling?
I hate the blog slipping though. I love my blog. It's like home.
Just lately a few people have said stuff about me not being around much and I haven't got any answers.
When I started the Anti-Deps my mind went into shut down. Then I got used to them and the mania took over. Moments of sheer creativity (that probably weren't any good) but I had a need to write and share and show stuff.
I'd wake up at 3am and have to switch on the pc and write.
The new pills seems to have levelled me out like a concrete path. I'm not sure if this is real or what the hell's going on. But don't diss me for not being the same anymore. I couldn't maintain that frenzied roller coaster of a ride. It kept trying to throw me off and once not so long ago I actually fell from the top of the ride and nearly hit the ground.
I dunno, maybe I should ditch the blog. Getting upset because I get a bad comment is silly. If you're that fecking sensitive you shouldn't have a blog.
It's not just the blog though. Things are so lack lustre here. My psychiatrist says that I am wrong. This is normality not lack lustre. Touching the extremes of a bi-polar high may be the most exhilarating thing but its not normal and is dangerous.
I find it hard to get excited about anything.
We went out to dinner with the family today. I sat in the corner. I actually felt incredibly flat. My own fault completely. I didn't feel part of it. But just maybe that's normal, maybe a lot of people feel that way in family situations.
Then I realise that I must be getting better because I'm trying to rationalise stuff and not just cry "It's because I'm not normal" Of course I'm normal. Too normal and dull for words. An average single mother trying to make ends meet and get a little purpose into her life.
There, I said it. Whose interested in reading the tales of me? Maybe it's presumptuous of me to even have a blog?
Anyways. I guess you don't have to read this crap if you have something more exciting to do.
Anyways, I'm sorry if I don't email you, text you (don't talk to me about mobile phones) write as much as I did.
I can barely cope with working every day and the housework.
And, come on.. I need to watch Celebrity BB 24/7. The demands of modern life.
tsk....