It's Late

I should go to bed, I feel really sad. Deeply sad. Probably just one of those things. It's ok, I don't think I'm going to cry.
I'm watching Glastonbury. It's good late at night, they relax.
There was a party today next door. A huge party with barbecue and drink and a pool and tons of people, but I couldn't go. I feel really lonely in a big crowd. Never more lonely. I'm better at home.
I surfed the net today for ages. But I found nothing. How good it used to be ages ago when we all wrote on forums and we kept in touch. I miss people so much. I miss having fun online. I guess I could try join something else but what's the point? It would all end. Everything ends you know. Nothing stays the same..ever.
I had a couple of emails from Match.com, maybe I'll arrange a few meets. I could do with someone to be close with. I miss being able to tell someone anything.
I'm not a bad person. I am lonely. I sometimes think, there must be loads of lonely people out there as well. Most people I know are married or have partners. Such a huge part of their lives. All I have is the cats. I know I got my girls and I love them to bits, but they're growing up and they can't be my whole life otherwise what will I do when they leave me?
Oh fuck now I am crying.
Fuck everything. I fucking hate myself, my head, my body, my inability to live and be happy with my lot.
Shut Down.