Trin the Actress

I had another match through today from match.com. Actually he looked ok. Not sure whether to respond or not. I know that sounds stupid but I'm so fed up of myself.
I'm becoming predictable and samey. Every day ends the same way and I try not to react in the same loop all the time but I can't seem to break the circle.
It's like an old song playing round your head all the time and you can't shift it. You like the song but the more it plays the more you begin to hate it.
The gift giving is a huge weight on my head. So many times I pick up stuff or log into a website to order something. I guess it is getting better because I put stuff back now or log out. But all that means is I don't get the satisfaction of the buy or the thrill of the give. So there's a bitter taste all the time.
Sad to think that the gift isn't about the person who receives it but all about me. Everything is about me. The world doesn't revolve around me. I'm just an atom, unimportant atom in the world's structure. Why do I feel the need to make my mark all the time?
Is this normal? Not sure. Why does everything have to be so deep and have to be examined. Why can't I be like normal people and just live?
Maybe the answers in the Bi-Polar manual.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is.....is there any point in responding? Not sure I'm worthy or even safe enough to dabble with someone else's emotions or hopes and dreams.
Someone said to me yesterday that I think I'm on the set of Casualty and I laughed. But there is a small element of truth in it. At work I'm on stage. On view. I play a part and damn I do it well. It's when I get home and the stage make up comes off I'm left exposed. And I don't like it.
I'm better at work.