Well guess the last two weeks high have gone today. I'm quite flat or maybe not. Maybe I'm just normal as I don't feel weepy or sad.
My ex finally brought over the camcorder tapes Abby wanted and she spent hours watching them and laughing. Abby looked sadly at our once family home and said she missed it living there and our old life, which made me feel like shit.
I sat there for a while. I watched Christmas's when the kids were little, I watched parties, holidays and times with friends. I watched my (then) best friend and her kids and husband laughing and chatting and I was enveloped in this terrible sense of loss for those days. If only you could have seen me, vibrant and popular and happy.
Whatever happened to make me this way?
We wet to the gym today for 1/2 hour and that's about it. Spent the day indoors and quiet. I guess I need days like that. Abby's been quite sweet really. She called me a silly goose earlier...she's a nutcase as well.
There's several large easter eggs floating around that I must have bought then forgot and bought more.
Tsk we can't eat them. I want to get fit. I've lost the ability to make myself feel good. But I remember that exercising really gave me a huge buzz. So... I'm going to start gymming it most days.
You don't have to talk to anyone at the gym either, keep your eyes firmly fixed on the ground and no-one will try to talk to you. It's better that I don't make friends. I don't think I'm a suitable friend for anyone.
Oh well back to work tomorrow. That'll keep me occupied.