Well it's all over and Christa has gone home. 3 am this morning we packed her on the bus to Gatwick. Lots of people cried a little. I guess it was a big thing now sadly ended.
I feel strangely lost this morning. A lot of anxiety and worry. I have some idea of what I'm worried about but really I know it's all silly.
I had a little funny moment with Spring last night when after a misunderstanding he didn't turn up for dinner. I had made an effort with it, even going out at the last minute to buy stuff. It was a misunderstanding and he was sorry but I found it hard to swallow and accept it. I guess I must be loads better as I didn't freak out or cry.
He hadn't realised that I wanted a family meal and we'd waited to eat with him.I had a sad moment when I realised that I was trying to make him a member of the family. Eating with him = drawing him in.
That's wrong. He has his own family and child to eat with. He doesn't need mine.
I'm a sad stupid bitch sometimes. Anyways, I won't do that again. Reach out get slapped. Stay still and be safe. No need for anyone else anyways. I'm fine.
This morning at 8 am the bailiff from the court came to arrest Caroline Hirons.
He was actually quite nice. He accepted I wasn't her. He told me she had several traffic offences from this year and had been caught and was STILL using my address. He said not to worry, they'd catch her.
It wasn't until after he'd gone that I felt all sick and anxious. Hopefully that will be it now.
I want today to be over really. Start afresh tomorrow.
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2 comments:
You're not a sad stupid bitch
BECAUSE I SAY SO
I'm going to track down and kick Caroline Hirons
You are not stupid for wanting to include him in a family meal. And I suspect he would have made it had he realised you wanted him there. Sounds to me like the stupid, stupid problems us humans have in communicating what we really want and we really feel. That's me sticking my oar in anyway.
I'm trying so hard not to get involved in situations with my bro and his girlf (whom I believe to be bipolar - but it's just a hunch), and my ex-husband and his girlfriend (who I believe is treating him badly). I'm doing so well at keeping out of their troubles, that it had to spill out somewhere!! Sorry!!
I haven't visited quite so often recently (dead busy at work), but from what I can pick up, things seem to be going well for you and I'm so happy for you.
I'll crawl back into my box now.
Donna xx
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