a hefty dose of self pity

I'm having a bad day. I think I'm tired. Two weeks off work then back 4 days in a row back with a bang.
I also miss Spring but that in itself makes me feel down. I'm a bit scared that in my feelings of missing him, I've begun to rely on him. And everyone I rely on hurts me at some point.. And they usually piss off and leave me in the end.
Anyways why ever would I assume someone would want to be with me? Look at me today, I'm ugly inside and out.
I've been thinking. Spring and his son are such a good team. Being away the weekend with them and they are so close. I'm not sure there's a place for me around that relationship. Then I feel guilty. What about my own girls. Why isn't our relationship that tight that adding a man to it makes it awkward?
Then the self damnation starts and spirals out of control and I cry and cry until I come full circle to the point where I have no idea how this all started.
I think I may be talking utter rubbish.
I'm watching extreme makeover. Three people wanting plastic surgery to make their lives complete. Incredulously, they are all beautiful before the treatment.
So Trinity what does this teach you?
Shallow is bad
Deep is worse.