moving on

I'm not great today. Maybe I was due for a not great day? I called Collette earlier and she said it'd been ages since I was last down.
I feel ill really but I don't think there's much wrong with me. My head doesn't seem to want to be rational.
Work is tedious. They've been taking staff to work in ANOTHER hospital all week. They're really unhappy and one threatened to give in her notice this week. She's hard of hearing and finds it difficult to cope in areas she's unsure of. I can empathise with her. Its awkward because occupational health have strictly said I'm not to be moved anywhere. So it appears to them that I always get away with the nasty things like being moved around.
Yesterday they left one nurse and a student alone on my ward and it was the trained nurses fourth day with us. I was cross and got off work late because I was worried.
We haven't got a receptionist at the moment and I was given a huge list of about 60 patient notes that had gone missing. If the notes weren't found and logged at admin by this Monday we'd lose funding for the lot and be in trouble.
I spent most of the day searching and logging on the PC and negotiating with doctors that if I took the notes I'd get them back asap. In the end I'd found most of them... There were about 15 sets still missing. Then the department who were screaming for them didn't come and collect them. I was furious.
I was also a bit childish last night. We can't go on holiday again to that place. They only had limited availability and Spring couldn't get child care for Small Spring on those dates.
I can't really see why I reacted so badly. I got real upset. I just really liked spending time with him on our own. Which is ultimately selfish and mean. The kids come first.
I guess I liked doing stuff just for us. For me, for once and it felt good and happy. Then I got knocked back down to reality.
I don't want to go away again anyways. Best home here with my cats and garden.
I really didn't like the loss of control and upset. It was a jolt after all these weeks of stability. Best not to put myself in that situation again and stay level.
I got a lot to cope with this month with my financial problems. Get that over with and move on.
I just wanted to do something for me. Something fun and off the cuff and indulgent.
Instead I got sad and down and was sick all night. Anxiety plays havoc with my body.
Anyways enough of that. I wrote it down and will now tuck it away.
Move on.
BTW where's BB this afternoon? I can't cope without it. Damn you channel 4.