jesus with every meal.... yum yum

Jesus Pan - The Original JesusPan:

" JesusPan is made from durable steel and topped with a non-stick coating.
- JesusPan is perfect for holiday meals "

Worship every meal with Jesus Pan....

I must buy one for Spring immediately
/runs to shops for his welcome home gift!

challenging

Back at work after 2 weeks off.... And it's ok. Vile little doctor is off on his holidays to some foreign resort and things seem better with the rest of the medical crew. They actually seemed pleased to see me (maybe I was just in a rosy haze at the time?)
Today was a food challenge day. Three small children in to have hard boiled eggs forced down their gobs to see if they'd achieve a reaction.
Now imagine you are 2 and never eaten eggs before. Now visualise a hard boiled egg. Imagine it sliced up and forced into your little mouth?..... Oh I forgot... Also imagine having to be cannulated with a rather large needle prior to this (just in case they collapse with anaphylaxis)
Needless to say none was successful. They were too young. You couldn't explain stuff to them. Even disguised in chocolate or jam... Eggs still taste like eggs.
It riles me though because the cannulation is always really invasive and traumatic. I personally wouldn't let my kid go through that until they can understand and comply.
But there's more fun to come. Over the next weeks we have a sesame seed, Chick pea and my own personal favourite Lentil challenge. FFS I can understand eggs, nuts and milk.They're hidden in masses of food stuff... But fecking chickpea? Apparently the kid has to ingest half a ton of Humous and Tahini (whatever that is)
This isn't the doctors, this is an insistent parental request.
Sometimes the job can be so challenging!

joy of sex lentils?

My adorable mate Clarrie sent me a special present made just for me.
'The Joy Of Lentils'
..... When Spring returns from darkest Cornwall I'm sure he will be thrilled at her ingenuity.
Hmmmm.

(I hope that's only lentils they're passing from mouth to mouth there......)

:)

sorry

I unintentionally upset one of my bestest friends today.

I didn't mean it. I love them to bits... And they know it. But just but.....

I dunno, life is strange atm. My life is all topsy turvy. Nothing is the same. I guess we all move on and things change. If they didn't life would be very dull. It scares me though. Abby is almost 16 and leaving school. I have a very tentative new relationship to handle. There's going to be massive changes at work soon. George has just left Big Brother..... Could it get any more different.

/sigh.

arrest that woman

The silly little card that worried me. Hilarious really. You are under IMMEDIATE arrest WITHOUT bail.
Please report to the court at 10am either on a Tuesday or Thursday.
I have told the court on at least three occasions that this woman does not live here and hasn't been for at least 4 years.
I haven't rang the number. Don't see the point really.
Hope it's not Trin in handcuffs next.

bank the holiday with the real stories.

So we came home on the train... Actually we spend nearly 4 hours on this poxy little motorised 2 carriage 'train'.
The real story was the boys sat infront of the girls.... One of them shown here. The train was full to busting. Ridiculous. People with small kids trying to sit down. These boys had a table. One sat opposite the other and in the seats by the window were their fucking SKATE BOARDS!!. After a while someone asked them to move the boards so they could sit down.
Guess what? They refused.
I reported them to the guard, but they did nothing. Unbelievable.

Going through Totnes? WTF? Grown men on the platform taking pictures of our train. The poxy little motorised thing. How sad is that?
Bloody train spotters (Spring is the one on the left with the zip up anorak)


Then tonight....... I saw The Beautiful South at the Colston Hall Bristol. The sound was crap. But they were very animated and lively and I sang along.... I'm getting old.

But the Real Story was this woman in the blue nightdress thing. She was there with a group of very drunk 30-40 year old women. The rest of them had been hauled out for a talking to by security at this point.
They were sat just in front of the lighting technicians and they were jumping up in front the lights drunkenly making bunny pictures in the lights and dancing. This particular light was the one on the lead singer who had rather odd light images for a while.
Jeez, I was expecting them to take off their bras. Far more suited to a Robbie Williams concert.
And on that note, goodnight. Hope your Bank Holiday was cool too.

st austell ant power (not powder)

So, away we go on the train to St Austell and caravaning holidays with Spring and Small Spring.
A bit of a massive event in the life of a new couple. The kids meet and eeek spend a few nights in a confined space together.
Well we survived. I'll spare you the gory details but on Sunday morning we were invaded by an enormous ant army. There must have been a few million. Abby (as usual) screamed blue murder and demanded them all dead. Spring (being a passionate pagan) refused and spent several hours saving each individual ant by luring them on to a Cornwall attraction leaflet then flinging them 500 yards on to the hard car park floor. Nice.
Abby got small Spring into trouble when she encouraged him to stamp on them.
So Spring sat down and explained to Abby (with a series of hand actions ;P ) how ants communicate. This caused much hilarity and Abby decided Spring was a total nut job and took the piss out of him for the rest of the weekend.


Anyways.... On to the compulsory 25 mile hike to the 'private beach' which didn't look private to me as there were loads of other buggers and vile kids wandering around down there. Plus, the word 'beach' is a bit misleading. Where was the fine golden sand and blue sea? It was all shingle stuff and slate rock. Oh well, least the kids gave up walking down with us... It was too steep for Abby who gave up and went back. So we got 1/2 hour without any vile kids.

And talk of the devil. Here she is. Queen Ant 2006. She tried to go on the tyre but nearly fell off. A rare and valuable picture of her smiling.
She spent the weekend reciting hymns and prayers to poor spring to wind him up. I never knew she was familiar with so much Christianity. There maybe hope for her English RE GCSE.

an overdose of lentils warning

Museum exhibit. Man in 200 bc (sort of). Aged about 40. Cause of death, Lentil overdose.
Nice teeth though.
Oh the bones were from Stonehenge buried at the time the stones were set up.

can we go home now?

The girls barely disguise their enthusiasm for the British Museum. Why is the place so full of truly rude vile little French boys?
Why is a coke 2 quid? Why was there a hotdog stand so close to the entrance you had to brush past it to get in?
Why was there no rock music exhibitions? Or Doctor Who? Or Charmed.
Damn.

brain gone dead

Whatever is wrong with me?
I am so lack lustre and fuzzy. My head feels crap and I can't seem to think straight. I'm going to St Austell with Spring and small spring for the weekend. We're going on the train. I didn't fancy driving. He is taking the car though. I'm worried.
I just worry that the girls will hate it. They'll be awkward. That we won't all get on. That I'll be quiet and fuzzy and spaced out all weekend.
The girls like going away in general. They love the train. They like caravans and just being away from home. But me and Spring haven't been seeing each other long. Sometimes being forced into a confined space can make you see someone in a different light. Imagine if I come home Monday and he hates me. I actually feel really nervous about this.
He invited us though. He seems to be genuinely looking forward to it. He said he'd be worried if it was the whole week.I guess that's fair enough. He's not used to teenage girls. They can be quite daunting. Mind they DO seem to like him. If we're having a minor disagreement they always stick up for him. Wimp. Needing 2 teenagers to stand up for him.... ha!
Maybe the Cornwall air will blow away the cobwebs and I'll get lively?
Deep stress. Many reasons.
A mega Phone Bill. Still no new appointment from the psychiatrist. A letter from a Court official who came to arrest the former occupant here on Thursday morning. I'm terrified they'll think I'm her and cart me off. She's STILL using this address for her DVLA stuff 5 years on.
Still can't get my head around all that pomp and ceremony from the BT Tower. And so tired. I think I'm a bit post viral.
I can't wait to see Spring but when he arrives I seems to be so dumb. Where's clever animated Trin gone?
/sigh

you couldn't make it up

At Rainbows tonight me and Collette found the accident book in the kitchen. Fascinated to see what kind of accidents happen in a church hall (aka nosy bitches)we took a peek.
There were just three entries (obv God takes care of his own... Well all except these three)
Dora (Oct 02). Dora Bruised her arm and pulled a muscle in her left leg. No idea what happened but there was a witness in Sandwich Road and she was given a paracetamol.
Elsie (Dec 04). Burnt finger. Elsie burnt her left index finger in a tree lighting incident. There were no witnesses.
Bob (April 06) Bob damaged his shin on the number 2 bus. Witness was the bus driver and it was left to said driver to report incident to his company.

3 incidents in 4 years can't be bad... But what the feck has Bob's Bus incident got to do with the church hall?
My thoughts and prayers go out to these three victims and it was very cruel of Collette to have laughed quite so much.
Bad girl.

germs and reality TV

I've given Spring my germs big time. He came over last night poorly, so poorly that he had no fight left in him to insist we watch intellectual TV.
He sat through eye opening programmes like Extreme Makeover and Copious amounts of Big Brother.
Big Brother is my passion. Sometimes it's hard to watch either from Tedium (BB4) or the exasperating antics of the inmates like Craig (anfernee I love you) Coates last year or this year looney Shabaz.
Spring watch gobsmacked, first at the American enforced emotion at having your teeth all capped with porcelain Veneers on Extreme Makeover. Then at BB. He said he couldn't believe it wasn't all scripted and people didn't behave like that?
"These people are allowed to vote?" He exclaimed.
At 11pm it all got too much and I had to put him to bed with a glass of ribena and a couple of Brufen pills.
I slept with Danz (who sleep with a big ball of germs? He's probably got Bird flu or something worse)
Danz woke up with a sore throat No school for her then. I'm panicked that she'll be ill for tomorrow but kids are more resilient than us growed up ones. I'm sure she'll survive.
Abby has another GCSE this morning
(incidently there was a funny moment in school when Danielle approached some friends of Abby and asked them how to spell GCSE)
Abby is very nervous. She got put in for a higher GCSE English which means the minimum mark is a grade D. If she fails she'll be ungraded.
Pressure pressure, poor kids. Hope we have loads of fun in London to break up the stress.

wet and wild in wiltshire

Today we went to a party. Kind of odd TBH. It was Spring's ex mother in laws 70th. Now I guess that's not the kind of place you'd expect me to go. But he was invited and he didn't want to go alone. I guess I was interested to meet these people he'd talked about and his ex wife.....
We went in his car. The old wreck convertible. It seems convertibles aren't so great when it rains. And it poured down today. My window won't go up 100% and the water was taking the piss pouring in on my skirt. I tried to shove stuff up there to stop it and finally settled on an 'Always Ultra' winged pad for those heavier moments.
Worked a treat. Kept me dry and fresh all afternoon.
The party was ok actually. Food was pretty lush and posh. I had champagne and pimms. We talked about the rat infestation in the garden. Shot some garden ornaments with a pellet gun.
The lounge was full of old women talking about alien abductions. Plus Springs ex wife was a no show. Shame.
I got home. I've been worried that I've been neglecting the girls in my new found social life. However they don't seem to care tbh. Glad, they can use the laptops and watch what they want on TV.
Not sure how to feel about that... but as long as they're happy. I guess.

take me by the stone circle

I had a great weekend which ended with me transferring my germs to Spring. The illness has now changed from a Non Specific illness to a very specific man illness. Tsk!
Yesterday we went to Wiltshire and did the Rhododendron walk on the Longleat Estate. The flowers were glorious and so colourful and the walk ended up at Heavens Gate.... well known dogging area... though we didn't actually see anything like that happening yesterday

Heavens Gate is a man made stone circle set on a ledge above Longleat. Some seats set right on the edge and you can lookover the whole magnificent area. I was blown away... Actually quite literally as it was very windy. Spring and his son small spring seemed to walk at like 30 miles an hour and left me miles behind. I was a bit slow having nearly died last week with my very significant illness.The place was full of Jap tourists trying to take my picture. I had to tell them to bog off.

This is Spring in the Asba red tee-shirt I acquired for him. I felt he blended in perfectly with the red flowers. New competition! Spot where the bush ends and spring starts.

Then we dropped small spring off at the local coal mines for his nights work and ended up at the Bath Arms. A strange place under refurbishment. I expected olde wooden country pub. We got stainless steel bar with Art decor and naked ladies on wall with legs in most bizarre positions.

The Bath Arms is so known because of Lord Bath and the estate it's on. The pub is surrounded by these weird old trees. Spooky buggers. They look worse without leaves. Kind of gives the air of haunted to the place. Shame the interior doesn't keep up the image though maybe they are scared they'll get visited by Derek Acorah so it's almost understandable.

The people were friendly though and very attentitive (I do love attentitive men) I was starving having eaten nothing for 6 months. So ordered the 'ploughmans' Not sure that was the word for the plate that arrived... But it was very yummy. Spring was horrified at the 11 quid price tag for ploughmans and chips.... But he did say the chips were nice after he ate them all!

quality father time

The kids have seen their father for the second time since Christmas. He took them to see Mission Impossible 3 at the cinema.
As per usual he brought them no sweets or drink. Nothing at all. Just paid for the cinema.
They just came home. Danz was embarrassed. He dum dum dumdummed the Mission impossible tune all the way there and back and when they got in the car he told them they were on a secret mission. Bless... yeah right.

my dear readers

a google search!!:
Google search term "living with cat and flees"
Damn I get some classy readers.

meet the parents

When Spring was here in the week (tending the sick) the door knocked. To my horror in marched Vic and Yvonne. My parents.
When you're younger it's always embarrassing to display your love interest to your parents. Their knowing little smiles (or not if the man of your choice is a 6 foot biker with a tattoo of Satan on both arms) but when you're my age (36) it's even more embarrassing.
My mother gushes "Oh helllloooo how lovely to meet you"
My father sits and stares and finding some common ground (trains) starts to tell Spring that the Somerset and Dorset Rail used to go through Whitchurch (which is wrong)
My mother then proceeds to make tea (I never offer beverages it makes them stay longer)
Sit down, feet under the table and settle down for the duration.
Spring stood up. Stooped but upright in his own stoopy way.
Mother began a tale of Auntie Doris whose in the BRI (local sick place) with some illness that required a four pint blood transfusion.
I cringed waiting for the inevitable "So what DO you do? How much do you earn? How old are you?"
They did get to the age question and I told them he was 65. I think my dad believed me because I saw him double take Springs face.
(He DOES look terribly aged though)
Then my nerves would not stand another second and I said
"You leaving then?"
Mother made some comment on not finishing her tea, commented on the price of a scale and polish these days and got up and left.
Lets hope that NEVER happens again.

jerks

I am dim at times.
It's 11pm and my mobile rings "I predict a Riot" ringtone startles me. Who would call at this time? (some old fashioned rule that if you call after 10.30 someone has to have at least died)
It was a man, Low voice almost a whisper.
"Whose this"? he asked
And of course I replied "Trinity"
Dumb!
I knew immediatley I'd made a mistake.
"Have you got time to talk to me?" He asked "I want to talk"
I asked him who he was... how he'd got my number.
He said his name was Tom. I hung up.
5 minutes later he called again.
"Can I ask how old you are because you sound damn fit"
Hmph. Bastard. I was croaky and dying from my serious illness I've had all week (That certain friends have not emailed or text me to send sympathy)
I hung up again.
Then he called twice more. I ignored them.
Then 07.20 am. Yep he calls again.
Now, he quite obv. randomly picked my number. I wasn't in the least bit scared. Silly man. But he could have quite easily worried a woman on her own.
So for that reason guys.
This is his number. If you get chance, plaster it on some loo doors for me.
07949912935
Something like gay sex for free?

buying for the sick

Well it's Thursday and I'm still bloody unwell. Today is the beat myself up for being so pathetic. Even walking up the stairs wears me out.
I feel about 80. Spring came round yesterday with gits to cheer me up. Some Musky Grapes and a punnet of organic cherries. They cost 3 quid but when he opened them, half were mouldy.... tsk tsk. That's what you get from buying at posh shops. Asba cherries never go furry.
Oh and a big bottle of Baileys that is strangely comforting to my sore chest.
He also bought me a membership to his Railway. Curiously that didn't immediately make me feel 100% better but he assures me it will in time.
I like him, I love his company. I don't feel so alone anymore but I'm also scared it'll all end suddenly. Look at Heather Mills and Sir Paul? Who'd have thought of that?
Hmmm I guess me and Spring aren't no Mills and McCartney.
Stuff it, I could analyse for years. Angst and wonder. Just enjoy it. Enjoy him. He's clever and cool and hairier more one side than the other. But I like that. There's always the fun of the wax. That's a thought!

my sweetie abby

It's Abby's last day in school tomorrow. I can't believe that she's finishing her childhood education. It's gone by so quickly. I'm sad. Sad she's all grown up and not my baby anymore but also excited for her. She's got her whole life ahead to do with what she wants. I remember being 16 and feeling that their were so many obstacles to getting ahead in life. But in reality the only obstacle is your own head.

Reach for the stars and believe in yourself Abby and remember whatever you do. Whatever you make of your life I will ALWAYS love you and be so very proud of you.
Love
Mummy
xxx

past debts.

The Come back with a warrant doormat. Ingenious? Whatever floats your boat I guess.
Debt collectors are bastards. I wonder how they sleep at night. But I guess it's just a job to them.
Preparing for this Shelter event on Wednesday has dragged up some very black times when we were penniless homeless and in masses of debt. And hounded.... My god mercilessly hounded by bailiffs and debt collectors.
Unless you know your rights, it's very hard to deal with these full on threatening men. If you've ever watched one of those bailiff programmes you'll have some idea... Except they really are 10 times worse.
Once a collector at the door was getting no where with me. What I didn't have he couldn't have. He left. Then returned 5 minutes later. Was that my car parked outside? It's just he noticed the drivers side tyre was flat, he was worried I'd drive off with the kids in the car and have an accident.
I was touched. What a nice man. Luckily I mentioned it to my debt advice lady later in the day. She was livid. It was a well known ploy to get someone to admit to owning a vehicle and then they'd clamp and take it later in the day.
The car was on hire purchase, it was the loan companies not mine. She phoned them and expressed her annoyance at the back handed tactics.
Then once in the temporary house, the bailiffs came for council tax. They banged so loud the kids screamed in fear. They said they'd be back in 30 minutes to take all the furniture unless I coughed up.
I phoned Shelter crying. They said to calm down, tell the men this was a furnished temp house. Not to let them in and Shelter would sort it.
Later in the year I was visited by someone from the local press. The debt agency horrified at the under handed council tactics or terrifying people asked us to give our story to help others in similar situations.
We did.I was embarrassed really, our pictures and story over the local press. Yes, they were hard times.
But if you find yourself in a similar situation, don't despair. There are great organisations out there who will help.
And don't forget. Never let the bastards in. If you refuse to open the door there is NOTHING they can do. Plus remember the car ruse thing.
There's no such thing as a nice bailiff.
You know what though? All those debts were eventually paid off. None were written off. There was no need for all that terror and stress.
Bastards.

mutant love

Brokeback Mutant
Brilliant

Spring's a bit of a mutant.

mistakes

So the BBC interviewed the wrong man on News 24 last week. They mistook big black IT man Guy for White editor of Newswireless.net also named Guy... Hmmm. Made for great comedy viewing though.
Many years ago I used to work at the eye hospital in the Minor surgery Unit, I was very junior and was asked to get a man ready for theatre. He was from a local psychiatric unit and had a nurse escort (not qualified I hastened to add)
I was busy. I went behind the curtains to find this little quiet man sat on a chair. He didn't say a word. I handed him the gown and asked him to change. He did. Took all his clothes off and put the gown on with the ties up the back.
Later when they went in to check him for theatre they found the mental health nurse with the gown on. The actual patient was in the toilet when I'd gone in.... The poor guy thought it was policy and just done as I'd asked.
Was I embarrassed or what?
(picture c/o B3TA)
ps read this... made me laugh
"My mates step mum sadly passed to the other side. Everyone was crying at the funeral. Even the local girls who used to go round her's for elicit drinks. As the coffin rolled towards the flames organ music started. It was slow and touching and just when I though the whole room would break a beat kicked in and george michael was singing "well it would be nice, if I could touch your body...." It was bloody faith"

send sympathy

I got my knickers in a right twist over work last week. On Saturday I called my immediate manager whose a close friend and told her my woes.
She was ace as always and said she'd try sort some stuff out for me.
But today deemed to be no better and I told her I felt unable to go to work today as I was too worked up. Pathetic huh?
Yesterday I got up and thought long and hard about it and decided that I wasn't to be beaten and I was going to work this morning and sod the lot of those bastards and two fingers to the world.
Great
So last night I get ill and I woke up today with a chest infection which I'm sure is due to too much fresh air and lentils. But I feel ill, really poorly.
Typical. Now my manager thinks I'm pulling a sickie when I'm not. Punishment from the Gods for being so lame.
Now I need someone to rub vick on my sore chest and bring me hot ribena in bed and sing to me.
I never get what I want.

the adventures of trin part-time time traveller

As I get to know Spring better I find myself intrigued by his lifestyle and bizarre sense of dress.
I have visited his little Cottage several times now. Mainly under the cloak of night when darkness hides the Villages secrets.
However this Saturday I was surprised to be finally invited there in daylight. Was I finally being accepted? Or maybe just primed for the test ahead I am surely to face?
The Village is nestled in the bowels of the Cotswolds. It's streets wind and pulsate like your average small intestine. There is the occasional escape of gas from the roads. Spring knew them well. He avoided the rouge springs and gaseous exchanges that go to make the sickly air the Villagers breath.
We stopped outside his cottage right by a vast bush of stinging nettles. There was a tussle as I insisted he moved the car. Finally three kicks later he moved and limped onto the path to his front door.
I stopped and scanned the area. The local Pub sat like a huge carbuncle on the landscape. It's weird trees with branches like Knuckles surrounded it.
You could feel the sexual tension in the air. I felt eyes watching me from net curtained windows. A group of mangy cats sat staring at me with dead black eyes.
Suddenly two words (or maybe three) appeared in my head "The Wickerman"
Was I being groomed for the annual Village Sacrifice, or maybe just to mind the Bric-a-Brac stall at the Village fair in July?
I turned to walk into the garden gate when I was stopped by two young guys on Cycles.
Both had the most tight lycra cycle shorts on. The first one with legs as fit as horses and calves to die for spoke
"Hello sweet woman (ok I made that bit up) we're lost. Any Idea where Bath is?"
In an instant Spring was by my side (bastard)
His voice swung in the sweet May air as he directed them through lanes and narrow cycle paths whilst I took in the gorgeous view.
As they cycled off I realised they were heading not towards the exit route but rather a dark little dust track behind the pub.
I felt my heart jump with fear as the classic film "American Werewolf in London" washed over me and I realised I'd never see those strong firm thighs ever again.

brat 1st class

Bailey's favourite place to annoy us. She's too fat to really squeeze behind the TV now, but she still tries. Managing to pull out wires and bite wires and generally be a brat.
She stares back out at us, enjoys the fuss and yelling no end.
None of the others were ever as bad as her.
She has beautiful eyes though.

hit the hut mut

Just when you think it's safe to come out of the train lavatory you find a model bus.... One of only 12 ever made, on the shelf.
Now model bus collections? Now that's something else ;P
I spent the day with Spring. We went on a short walk in the woods but I forgot my trainers and it was muddy and he refused to carry me over the worst bits... Plus I had to practically Limbo under a tiny gate to get into the woods.
We had an extremely short visit to The Bath Arms (a pub near to Spring) Hmmm odd place. Full of Art Decor and fresh paint and picnic tables. Apparently the interior is unfinished. It was full of middle class families with posh accents. Not the sort of place to take uncouth Spring so we ended up in Pizza Hut (more his scene) 12 inch vegetarian with extra lentils and extra cheese.
Could he cause chaos in Pizza Hut?

That is the question.

"So Trin says 'What d'you want to eat darling Spring?' so I says 'summfink chav,' so she says 'McDonalds?' so I says 'No, that's too chav', so she says 'Pizza Hut,' and I says 'Yeah'.

So we hit Frome Pizza Hut and I go for the 24" lentil feast with extra lentils and houmus, and she goes for the 6" chicken offal supreme on a bed of baby ducks with a grown-up duck side salad and fizzy duck juice".

We are banned from Pizza Hut. Fecking good job too. Crispy salad my blue cheesed ass.
He left a tip
"more lentils needed"

pilot....

Nope not ELO both songs were by Pilot.
Late 70's I think.

name that song...

Ho, ho, ho
It's magic you know
Never believe, it's not so
It's magic, you know
Never believe, it's not so

Never been awake
Never seen a day break
Leaning on my pillow in the morning
Lazy day in bed
Music in my head
Crazy music playing in the morning light

ASDA! the new advert has kids singing a snippet of this song. I prefered "January" anyone know who sings Magic and January... no googling ok?

edit..* it's Pilot.

top tips for social pariahs

You don't ever again have to feel socially awkward again...:

"Find a muscle in your body that feels a little tense and consciously relax that muscle. You will instantly feel more at ease."

If you relax the muscle I'm thinking of too much you WILL feel a tad socially awkward.

"Find out the person's name, whether she's from this area, or if she's not, where she's from. How about her family; Do they live in this area? Big family? Brothers and sisters? What do they do? How about work? What does she do for a living? Does she like it? What got her into it? How about travel? What parts of the world has she seen? Any hobbies?"

(Whats yer name lovey? what? Bunty-Jane... right
You from round these parts? Ah you drink in the Crap and Duck?
You got any family? Yeah? All inside? GBH?
You on the dole?
You like the dole?
Oh you do...ok
You travel? on the number 36 to St Pauls? You don't look old enough for a bus pass.
World? Doesn't go beyond Inns Court? Fair enough darling.
Hobbies? Crack? Fly fishing? oh posting... slightly different).




My advice if you're socially awkward. Stay at home loser. Who writes this crap... tosser.

ecstasy

Nothing Satisfies like a TASTY Sausage roll.
How I love Greggs.
Somehow this advert seems really dirty
Is it my mind?

so glad it's Friday

I had a bad day :(
The traffic was absolutely spiteful. It took 30 minutes to get out of this area, let alone across the city. I could feel my stress rising by the minute and by the time I got to work I was exhausted.
Work was messy. We never got on top of anything. We had kids waiting around for hours on end. No-one made decisions and people were pissed off and irritable.
The worse bit was having to work with that shitty doctor we had the trouble with Monday. He was uncommunicative and unhelpful. Then at about 11 am I asked him something and he had such a rant at me. He insinuated I was horrible and impatient and told me to leave him alone and stop being so over bearing.
I couldn't retaliate as it was in a patient area, I wanted to talk to him about it. I'm there for the patients. I try to do my best for them. He makes my job very hard and miserable. As the morning wore on I just wanted to come home. Then someone on another ward said I looked unhappy and hugged me and I cried.
It was silly, I know. But I just want to do my best and I felt there was no point me being there.
I feel so bad now, that I'm worried about going in on Monday. It's blowing out of proportion in my head.
Back home Danielle made a fuss because she wanted to go swimming and all I wanted to do was vegetate. In the end we did go to the gym. I only managed a very poor 12 lengths and was so tired but it did get some of the negative energy towards work out of my head.

Danielle brought home a bible from school today. I think this is such a bloody cheek. The presumption that everyone is either a Christian or a potential Christian.
I'm sending it back Monday. They should spend their sodding money on a fecking Maths teacher and not religious clap trap.
I feel better now for having written this. My therapy.
Hope Spring got me lots of presents this weekend ;P

S&D

I've just got off the phone to Spring who now informs me he's ditching Sainsburys and traveling 10 miles up the road to shop at Waitrose from now on.
Waitrose stores tend to be too small to hold fox hunt meetings and also are full to bursting of little old women with those plastic head scarfs and Peoples Friends magazines tucked under their arms. I saw one coming out of Waitrose today with a stick. Nothing odd in that except it was a stick with a wheel... The bottom of the stick had a wheelie bit. Maybe this is the new 'cool' look for the over 80's. I will not rest until I have brought my poor dear Spring one to use in his local Waitrose.
Spring said he'd been thinking about me today. He'd always wanted a woman whose name starts with the letter D.
Really? I said. Then it clicked.... He's Spring and the Somerset and Dorset Railway is know (by those in the know.... Poor sods) as the S&D.
He's thrilled that we too are S&D. Imagine my excitement at finding this out
He'd been looking all his life for a Dolores or Daphne or Delia or Dulcie or Doris or Doreen... Now he has me.
Yipppeee.
(Changes name to Fatima and leaves the country)

chicken fillets anyone?

I just got back from Asda. I spent 45 quid I didn't even have. I was shocked when she totalled it up. How did I manage that? Spring reckons Asda is well Chav and shops in Sainsburys. I think Sainsburys shoppers are snobby gits who want to pay over the odds for the same foods and they all go fox hunting and have stoops.
I mostly use the local Iceland. Now that's where we talk true Chav. What about four frozen cod in cigarette flavoured batter for a quid. A bargain or what? Plus Kerry (ms chav 2005) Katona's picture on the front window? Brilliance.
Thing about Iceland is they round stuff up to a pound. It makes life simpler for the inmates. Whiskas cat food 87p in most stores....£1 in Iceland. They have a quid washing powder (99p in the 99p store) they round up the 89p fabric softener to a quid. It's all rounded UP. But no one is clever enough to work that out. If you only have a tenner, the effort of mental shopping arithmetic is taken away. No problem a tenner = 10 things. What an amazing concept. I am humbled by Iceland. Incidentally I just heard via the BBC website that not only do Sainsburys shoppers fox hunt but they've now started doing it ACTUALLY in the aisles of the store.
Tally-Ho.

Iceland branching out into Maternity Care.Free delivery of children (any age) guaranteed frozen and fresh (minimum spend £25 certain conditions apply)

that's disgusting

Wonder if we REALLY need to show kids books like this to learn just what the word disgusting really means?

The book is kind of funny but I think shows stuff that kids MAY not have thought of before like washing your feet in the toilet and pooing in the bathtub.

Bailey is horrified and is writing to Tony Blair to get this book banned right now.

flip over jesus

Jesus announces second coming with lashes of Maple Syrup and a double Expresso.

Amazingly... or maybe not American TV show the Christian Pancake.

This would never have happened in England. Jesus wouldn't like the jiffy lemon.

OMG

Banner maker fun.....

bolts

It was such a beautiful day in Bristol today. I got off work really early and on the way home decided I'd go out with Spring tonight. He had a train meeting in Radstock and had asked me to meet him after... But I'd thought it would be too late. However the sunshine changed my mind. The kids didn't get home from school until 6.30 pm! Unbelievable. Abby has her GCSE Drama performance tomorrow morning and they were practising. Danz was watching (apparently).
I got ready to go out and the heavens opened. A massive and impressive thunder and lightening show.
I wasn't worried about driving...It's only about 15 miles but the roads are a bit more treacherous when wet.
I was glad I went though, on the way down the A37 through the small villages the lightening show was spectacular. Great forks shot right across the midnight blue sky and smaller intense jags of flashing electricity. I was in total awe of the majesty of nature tonight.
I met Spring at the train station. It looks quite eerie at night (the station not Spring... though on second thoughts...). The old stone buildings and unused railtrack.
Anyways we found a country pub called the White Post. Spring refused to order me some Nobbys nuts.
We watched the lightening show from the pub window. Perused the selection of Readers Digest Condensed books and still didn't really understand what was condensed... Why condense? Seems stupid to me. If you want the book just bloody buy it.
I got home at 11pm. Abby greeted me with "Hello Stranger"
I felt guilty. I dunno, what do I do? I've sat at home with them for years. I guess this dating is going to take a bit of getting used to.

devilled kidneys

What do they teach these kids at school. TV choice headlines "Grant flees the Square"
Danz said, 'What does flees mean?'
I naturally told her they were small creatures that live on cats and Spring.
I spent the whole afternoon in sodding hospitals. First it was my eminent psychiatrist who actually didn't even turn up, I waited there an hour before someone actually came to tell me he wasn't there.
Then a mad dash across the city to my hospital for a Renal Appointment. I have a minor kidney issue I was born with, nothing major. Adds to the spice of life. Only ever affected me when I was pregnant and was the reason for my 2 caesarians.
Anyways I waited 90 minutes. Finally got called. He checked my blood pressure and said it was brilliant and then discharged me. I was in there 2 minutes. Least I don't have to go again and also reconfirms my suspicion that my kidney flare up was due to those damn poison anti-depressants Effexor. Since they've stopped lots of things have resolved.
I hate damn hospitals. Full of sick people. Waste of my day. I could have spent it drinking baileys and eating Turkish delight... Or champagne truffles (if I HAD any)

walking and arguing

I had to put on my diplomatic hat yesterday when during the chaos of the 14 asylum seekers we had a verbal fight between our receptionist and a new doctor right in the middle of the ward. Holby City got nothing on us!
He'd had it coming. He's short Asian and very rude. Not sure if there's a touch of cultural differences going on in his head somewhere but his manner demands respect and obedience. Yeah Right! Hahahhaaaaa. Hilarious.
He'd come and plonked a scrap of paper at the receptionist desk
with a name on it. A name like Jane Doe. "Get me those notes" He commanded.
I saw her eyes narrow into slits and her mouth set in the pursed position.
"And what exactly is that?" The biting retort.
There was no hospital number, no date of birth. He wanted her to trawl through the whole computer looking for this child's name... Come on stuppo. There's hundreds of people with the same name.
He wouldn't have it though. He told her it was HER job, not his. He was a "DOCTOR" and therefore to be obeyed. That this child was ill and if she didn't get the notes and the child got worse than on her head be it.
There was a moment when she stood up and I thought she was going to clobber him. I intervened. Kinda calmed it down, except I did reinforce that this was not a small task and he was in the wrong. He refused to accept it.... Oh well.
I got the notes, (only by extensive CSI Miami work and had to ring another hospital for the details) Then we find him writing in the notes starting with the words restrospective. Seems he'd seen the kid and she'd gone to another hospital the next day (unhappy maybe? No idea why) and he wanted to "add" to his first observations. Hmmmmmmmm.
Well he's a marked man. The stamp of black death on the little squirts forehead.
Then I got home. I was really exhausted. I was meeting Spring in the country for a walk (yikes) I called him and suggested he came here instead. He wasn't awfully keen and I felt guilty for asking. But he changed his mind and arrived at 7pm. I wanted to go to the cinema. TBH there really is nothing on and he wouldn't go see the Transamerica film about gender reassignment (bastard) so we ended up at Chew Valley Lakes and did a 15 mile hike (maybe even more)around the lake perimeter. Never seen so many pesky ducks, they refused to get off the footpath. And hundreds and little pretty snails that Spring wouldn't let he walk on.... Not that I would on purpose tsk!
When we got back to the car a little Bristol Water man was waiting to lock up the gates. Bet he was pissed off with us.
Then we went to the Ring 'O Bells for a drink and I had a funny turn and felt quite ill and had to go home. Weird.
I think it was the complete physical exhaustion from the edge pushing mountain trek through barren countryside..... in fashion boots.

success

I'm whacked out. First day back at work and amongst the usual crap we had 14 somalian kids for medicals.
I got home and there was a letter from the council. I opened it with trepidation. Remember the grand they said I owed them? Well on appeal they squashed the lot, not only that but the money they've already taken to pay back them, they've refunded.
I'm gobsmacked. I'm extremely grateful and my faith restored in the face of bureaucracy. But amazed never the least. I really didn't think I'd get anywhere at all. Gradually I'm becoming convinced that my letter writing must be really good. Like really good?
Anyways Wow is today's word.

king of the cats in renal derailment

The girls and Spring have been ganging up on me ;( Horrid people. Spring reckons all cats just ADORE him like some king. He reckons he's King of the Cats. I told him it was more likely to be King of the Prats. The girls disagree. How annoying when they don't support their own very exquisite mother.
Spring reckons he's going to start an Anti Trin site to address some of the pertinent issues on this site. I say bring it on Bastard and I'll see you in court.
Anyways he'll be long dead before British Justice stirs it's dormant loins. I checked his blood pressure (amongst much screaming... Baby) and it was HIGH as HIGH can be.
He reckoned the stress of seeing me was something to do with it.
More likely the end result of some perverted Vegetarian diet coupled with constant train thoughts.
Sigh.
He did buy me a bottle of creme caramel Baileys though.... It was delectable indeed.
We just got back from my mothers. Birds Eye Chicken pie and frozen peas.com. I have never liked chicken pie. I don't like pastry much. Still, saved me from having to eat her dinner.
Imagine, growing up in a home where the best meal was a tin of minced beef in gravy and instant mash potato. It's a wonder I don't have CJD..... Or maybe I do.....
aaarrrgh.

Thank God the elections are over....

saturday rant

The sodding cats have been digging up my bulbs from Holland. My pride and joys. Grrr. I got up early and went to the gym. I only did 12 lengths... Failure. TBH I could have done tons more but the pool was full of stupid women with babies who stood plumb in the middle of the pool doing the baby talk crap. I got pissed off and got out.
Least I went though.
On the way back the roads were empty. So I was rather surprised as I was driving at 30 miles an hour to have to do an emergency brake stop. One of those fecking stupid motorised wheel chairs with an old women in it pulled out in front of me and crossed the road. There was no car in front or behind me... She obviously didn't even look. So who governs the use of these deathchairs? Who teaches these gits to use the roads safely? If I'd hit her I'd no doubt have injured or killed myself and Danielle. I know evasive driving is v important but I tend to scan the pavements for running kids and cats... My mind doesn't register f*cking moto wheelchairs..... GRRRRR.
BTW I am loving The Raconteurs in a major way. Jack White is a particular love of mine (I saw them at Reading) OK I know the coke thing was.... Well odd. But he has his baby Scarlett now to clothe and feed... Actually Scarlett White? Hmmmm

clean spring cars

Wulf and Spring came to visit us tonight. My girls jumped up and offered to clean his rather filthy car (ok so he offered to pay them!)
Note Springs legs in the distance watching intently (the rest of his body was indoors watching Hollyoaks)

Actually they like cleaning cars. I'm thinking of setting up business on the front drive. Come get your vehicle cleaned by two stroppy girls who argue and will soak you with the hose. Hmm.

Bailey inspects the bodywork. Little brat always has to be involved somehow. I've never met a cat like it.

She can now see her reflection in the clean paintwork. The old car came up quite well with a bit of a clean. Maybe we should wash Spring next time, see how he shines up?

idiots on the roads of Bristol

Remember the girl who was prosecuted by an over zealous cop for eating an apple at the wheel?
WELL, there's never a cop around when you want one. The guy behind me just now in a R reg Rover was BLOWING UP A BALLOON whilst driving. It was huge and green. He then tied the end up. Now try doing that one handed? Impossible? Yep he let go of the wheel and was swerving all around the road. Tied it up and handed it to the brat sat next to him.
Unbelievable.

way hey Thomas.

I love the Holy Moly Newsletter.
Found on the ITV duty logs a message from a disgruntled viewer

"I would like to ask when Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends will be returning to CITV. I worry about the current generation of children growing up in a Thomas the Tank Engine-free environment. I would like to point that use of public transport should be encouraged as much as possible and Thomas is one of the greatest ways to do this. My favourite episode was the one where Donald crashed into a signal box and Douglas destroyed a brake van."

Was this you Spring? ;P ;P ;P
(or maybe even worryingly... Clarrie?)