bad money

Faced with a Bi Polar lifestyle that was far beyond my means a few years back, things have reached the point when it was do something about it or collapse again.
Next Tuesday I'm petitioning for bankruptcy. Funny, it's been hard for me to admit it here. Most of my friends know about it and support me fully but it's actually saying it.
I am crap, I spent money that I couldn't pay back. I failed.
It costs money to become bankrupt. Almost 500 quid. I've had to wait till now to scrabble it all together. I'm terrified. I'm having nightmares, I've been moody and tearful (ask Spring!)
Today I cried because he offered to come with me. I was touched. I didn't expect him to. TBH I feel it's my problem and I should face it alone. Someone in work offered to come with me but I felt embarrassed and stupid.
Work phoned me earlier. The bank have been ringing them... Told them I was in serious trouble and needed to contact them ASAP.
I was mad. I didn't expect that from a bank. Crikey they've had enough money from me over these years.
Today's postman brought a ton of nasty letters threatening me with visits and court things.
It will be a joy to end all that. But I am scared. I feel a failure. I know I was very bad. But if you come here you will have no idea what exactly I over-spent on? There's nothing here. Probably the way with bi-polar. A nick in a vein leaking gradually.
I'm better. I'm the most stable I've been for years. I'm happy and strong and level.
This will hopefully seal it.
I hope so.