handfasting

Trinity would like to warmly announce that she's getting engaged....

Heck! Yes this week Spring asked me to marry him. Now as Spring's boy Wulf quite rightly pointed out "You don't believe in marriage" My views have always been that you don't need that bit of paper to be with someone, love someone and make a successful life together. But our lives are complex and it will take something momentous to make us sit up and take the plunge to start the rest of our lives as a couple.

Truth is I love him. He's very special to me. He's clever and kind. He has the best sense of humour. He's creative and caring. This recent illness spell has made me realise just how much he means to me. I miss him when he's not here. It's like something is missing from my life.

So, what did the girls say? Abby was incredulous and told him he isn't moving in here. Wulf said I wasn't marrying his father under any circumstances. Danz wants to change her surname to his and can't wait. She's so excited she could burst. She wants a dad.

Guess what? HER father rang this morning at 7.30am. He doesn't know what to get them for Christmas (hardly surprising as he doesn't know them any more) So he's putting a cheque in a card for them. He'll chuck it through the letter box on Christmas Eve on his way to his 2 week holiday with his GF and her kids. Nice one.

It's been a hard 6 years. I've had so many periods of being so low. Feeling unloveable. Being so alone. Trying to find something but not sure what I wanted. I made so many friends on the way. People that I wouldn't be here now if they hadn't helped me along. And now I just feel really happy and content like this is right.

We got a ring today. I can't have it till Christmas. It's white gold and pretty. Special... Like my Spring.

xXx

oh my love.....

Today had a cursory visit to the parents. They know Spring is a vegetarian. So my mum makes sausage rolls for dinner. Well sausages are hardly meat are they?
We went to the gym for the first time in ages. Spring really isn't up to it... But you have to start somewhere. In the changing rooms I noticed this distressed looking young woman with a towel round her. She was frantically calling people on her mobile. I heard her say... "Are you home. Look I'm at the gym. I need a huge favour. It's an emergency. I've had my shower and found I've forgotten my hair mousse".
Emergency? Hmmm.
Anyways thanks for the pep talk Chris. You made me think. We're going to put a bed in Danz room for Spring's son, a place of his own here. With some of his things here so he doesn't get so bored. I guess this girlie house isn't set up for boys.
We took Heidi out for a garden walk today... umm rather garden sit down and refuse to move again. She hates her paws getting wet.
Call herself a kitten.. Aren't they meant to bound around carelessly?

tale of a tail

Heidi chews her tail to get to sleep... It's horrendous. All wet and sticky. Here it is in all it's glory!

You talking about me? I'm cute. Leave me alone. I haven't done nothing wrong.

Heidi went out on her lead for the very first time today... It was hopeless. She refused to move and tried to get back in the house all the time. Here she is looking distinctively miserable.

today

Me and Spring went out today to the fancy dress shop to get his Reindeer outfit for Santa weekend at the railway. We drove down some back streets in Bedminster and past Doll's house. Doll was my Nan's best friend. Whenever I pass her house I always remember that day when Nan died. I offered to go round and tell Doll the bad news. They'd been inseparable for many years. They'd grown up together, been through the war together and stayed friends throughout everything. Doll took it worse than my mum. She was inconsolable.
As we past her house I told Spring about that awful day. I noticed a Police car parked outside the house.
We went into the fancy dress shop and got him his costume and Danz a Christmas Tree Costume. I also managed to get my glasses frame completely replaced in Specsavers. A relief. Can't see a thing without them.
We got home and my Mum called. Doll had died. After Nan died Doll went to pieces and my mum took over. Doing her washing, taking her shopping and taking her every Wednesday morning to the hairdresser. This morning she'd gone in the get her and found her dead on the kitchen floor. Head gashed... Presumably from a fall. She'd called 999, paramedics, police and eventually the coroner arrived.
She'd had to call Doll's grandson and make police statements. She was so upset.
Spring is still not right at all. He's getting there slowly but gets these episodes of weakness and dizziness and numb hands. He was meant to be taking his boy to an appointment a big distance away next week. But he's not well enough to do such a arduous and hectic day. So much to her annoyance and disdain his ex has to take her son. I have to admit to being really cross with her attitude to Spring. Compassion? She doesn't even know the meaning.
Work remains a place of sadness too. Tuesday was very bleak. Two of the staff nurses had lost a parent in the night... One lost her Mum and one her dad. Really sad.
I had a shock to find out I didn't get some off duty request I made. I don't ask a lot. Christmas week the unit is only open three days and I work 4 days. My manager pointed it out. "OK I'll take a days holiday" I said sensibly. Apparently I can't. No-one is allowed holiday that week... So let me get this straight. I work 4 days a week and we are only open three days?
Are they stupid or what? I don't need that stress.
Anyways. The highlight of the day was Spring in his reindeer outfit. Very.... ummm..... Festive.
;)

brighter..x

Off sick from work. Now there's a surprise. I feel a bit better mainly because I phoned a friend and talked about it. Put it in perspective. Winter's here, big changes in work, Spring being unwell, Fecking Christmas Nigh, stress, traffic and life. Collette said being Bi-Polar things that make me low have the risk of making me very low. She's right as always. She's ace.
Looking at yesterdays post I feel like I want to take it off but I won't because that's part of 'Living As Trinity'... Me and it's not fair to anyone who comes here looking at what life is and has been like for a Bi-Polar girl.
And to be completely fair... Life has been pretty good this year. I had lots of stuff to contend with but I have coped very well and been quite stable and happy. Have faith in me. I will overcome all. I think I got a bit of a bug, scratchy throat, headache, feel freezing cold... You know the usual crap. I had a mate who was ALWAYS ill over Christmas... Really unwell. Poor woman.
The kitten had her last jabs last week. She can go out in the garden tomorrow. We mentioned the tail sucking to the vet who said it was a comfort thing... But it really is very disturbing to see her sucking it and purring and the subsequent tail soggy look afterwards. It's disgraceful.
I spent a few hours at the Train Station yesterday. Made a beef stew for the workers. There was trouble at t'mill though. The police were there as some kids had broken into the catering coach and stolen cans of drink... Coke etc. Chocolate bars and crisps... On a bag of frozen chips. A box of tea bags.. Half used. They took it all up the track and made a fire and had a picnic. I have no idea what they thought they were going to do with frozen chips and tea bags. Anyways the fire was still lit when the track gang arrived for work and half the stuff was still there on the floor.
The police said it was a crime scene and we waiting for CSI to arrive. We thought we might not be able to open the coach till Tuesday... For a few cans?
The cops brought the unopened cans back and I sold two to Spring lol.
Eventually CSI could give no ETA so we reopened. I guess I'll need to restock the place now... Sigh.
Spring was very unwell all day. He looked dreadful. He wants to drive to Littlehampton next Sunday but after yesterday I'm not sure he'll cope with the long journey and day.

"Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble,
Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life".

Monty Python (whistle)
You know someone bought me this single for my first wedding anniversary to tosser. I should have know from that very moment we were doomed.
I loves you all. Never forget it.

Heidi stealing Danz's breakfast. No, she's NOT allowed to do that.

dip

"We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world"?

Snow Patrol 2006

What happened? I was doing so well but this weekend has been a total nightmare. I'm so stressed and tired and snappy. The girls are ignoring me but I think they know. You see, I can see it coming. It's building. It's gaining momentum and going to envelop me. I can see it. It's tangible and ripe. It's in my head and stopping all communication. I can feel separation happening. In a while I'll split. I don't know how many divides. I never do. I'm not sad. I'm not unhappy. I'm just overwhelmed.
Guess I really am selfish and self centred.
Yeah, I hear you. I'm not!... But I AM in so many ways.
Christmas? Oh help me.
Work, just makes me sad.
Home... Just inadequate.
Just a dip.

more cats... thousands of them!

I spent most of the morning at a computer training in work. Lovely! It was in a room with 8 others. A mixed bunch. I was quietly hoping we weren't going to have any computer cripples in but sadly I was wrong. 2 nurses arrived who didn't know their passwords and then when asked to maximize the screen hadn't a clue. I wanted to die with frustration. We all had to wait until the very last person understood the programme. Tedious or what.
Thankfully it's the weekend and that means no fecking driving to work or getting up early.
My Spring was very brave at the doctors today. I'm so proud of him. Wish you were here love xxx


Last night we had the worst storm here, the rain was torrential. I woke up at 4am to the sound of rain lashing the window. Heidi was sat by my pillow looking bemused. I thought she was scared and scooped her up and hugged her tight. "It's ok, just rain" I reassured. She went mad to escape. I thought she was terrified... Wrong. The minx wanted to get on the window sill to see the storm close up. That kitten has no fear.


Bailey and Heidi love each other. They eat together, play together and sleep together.... And read the NME together.

Hartcliffe... end of an era?

The work has started. Walls have been demolished. Windows put through. The children's playground flattened to make way for the petrol station.
1960's style Hartcliffe will be no more. The Co-op closes this month. I overheard the workers saying not all of them have jobs or they'd been offered a job in Lawrence Weston or Southmead... miles away. The trucks have moved in. Huge dirty things with drivers who frankly don't give a fuck. Well that's how it feels as they thunder past the health centre and Nursery school.
I watched two little lads sadly looking at the once well used playground with swings and slides. They said it shouldn't be allowed. I smiled sadly.
I'll take more Pix soon. Spring is devastated. When I first took him to Symes Avenue I was embarrassed. I thought he'd hate it with it's stark crap architecture but he loved it. He said it had character. Well it won't soon.
:(

those I love

I'm feeling so much better these days. I think all that silly liver rubbish is well behind me. I even did 10 lengths of the pool yesterday... I know I need to do more but it's a start.
I was so concerned about my lovely online mate Grumblemag's nasty hospital experience last month. What a horrible thing to go through. I'm always aware when I'm nursing just how much patients lose control of themselves when ill. Things run away with them and before they know it they've completely let go and have no idea what's going on.
But things haven't been right here at all. My Spring has been really poorly. Having had proven Glandular fever, I surmised he'd caught it too. He had all the symptoms and was really unwell.
This went on for weeks. We were unable to go see his sister at half term because he was so lifeless and grotty.
Then he seemed to get better, then 48 hours later much worse. I noticed his need to pee every 10 minutes and at night.... I thought he had a wee infection. I'm a nurse, these things happen. So I merrily nick a couple of urine labstix from work. They show if you have an infection in 2 minutes.
The poor love resisted my request to pee in a pot for ages and finally gave in to my insistence. To me there's nothing more normal but to him it was awful.
I laughed and plunged in the stick and sat and waited.
The infection squares stayed stubbornly negative. Hmmmm I saw him watch my face as I scanned the coloured squares. And my face must have looked awful when the very last square. The one that showed sugar went a hideous brown colour. I wasn't expecting that. It also showed a few Ketones which is a worrying sign that the body isn't coping well and is in trouble.
Poor Spring... "Have I got something terminal then" he tried to smile. I showed him the brown square.
He was actually very stoical and made light of it. I had this worrying hour when I was trying to be reassuring but get over to him my insistence that he see a doctor this week.
I'm not 100% sure he has diabetes. I'm not a doctor. There are various diabetes levels. And his sugar is a lot lot better today. But I have been so anxious about him. I want him to be well. If he has diabetes.... Fine. We'll cope with it. It won't change anything. But he's been so unwell. I want my lovely funny bright Spring back. I want him to feel good.
I do love him you know.
Then today I find out that my best mate Collette was one of the Farepak Hamper victims. It was such a awful thing for families who save to lose just before Christmas. But for it to be someone I know and love. I was devastated for her. She works so hard. She's such a good person. She has helped so many people this past 2 years at no thought for herself. She doesn't deserve this. I'm so cross.
Oh and I got locked in a church today. I went to try to book Danz's party for January in the Church Hall. The woman didn't see me and left the place early locking me in... Luckily she noticed me as she headed for the bus stop.
I was nearly stranded with the Christians.......

hangover time

TV advertising moves on. The new clearasil advert has a girl with loads of ugly spots meeting someone online, sending him her picture ... All touched up of course. Then getting this intensive clearasil treatment and meeting this gorgeous guy and getting it on.
Crikey me mother would have a eppi. She still thinks the internet is evil incarnate. Here they are encouraging people to meet offline. You'd never catch me doing that ;)
The weekend has been tiring. Work was busy last week and I did a full week for the first time in ages. By Friday the Bristol traffic situation had me in such a state I went in late. It took 40 minutes to drive 7.6 minutes instead of 90 mins. I think I need to move into the country.
Saturday I skipped the model railway exhibit as I was so tired. Poor Spring had to do it on his own. Glad I didn't go as it sounded a bit of a shambles really. That man works so hard for the railway. Plus he still isn't well. I'm worried about him... Quite worried.
Last night I made him vegetarian Chilli Con Carne. He didn't arrive until after 7. I'd opened some red wine to add to the food and had a couple of glasses and as many of you know am quite unable to hold my drink.
So I got very drunk. More drunk that I've been in a long long time. We watched 'Withnail and I' after dinner. I remember parts of it being funny but kept falling asleep in some stupor. Today I feel crap. Self inflicted and I had both these buggers today having a go at me. "Drunk Mother!"
It would have been my 17th Wedding Anniversary yesterday. Yep 11/11/89 at 11am. Should have had warning bells.
I hated that day from beginning to end. All the hype and money and fuss and me in the middle all insecure and weepy looking like a frilly snowman. The photographer arrived late and only had one eye. Bob Peters was his name, I think he went into photographing pets after that.
He kept telling us to look this way but his glass eye was one way and the other opposite and it was very confusing.
Then a 48 hour honeymoon in Torquay. I was sick the whole time and found out I was expecting dear little Abigail. We drove home and straight into hospital where I spent the next week on a drip and puking.
Memories..... uuughhhh.
Well, I guess I shall continue to worry about my Spring. Because I loves him millions. He'd NEVER take me to Torquay.

bits and bobs

My bestest mate Collette on her birthday looking very lovely. We went out to this rather nice Italian place in town. She came to my party Saturday night. She met Dan... Awww, think she confused him. He's easily confused though. Read about our party on Tracks and Tracks... It was a good night!
Also... the person who came here looking for over 70's naked women... get a life. Plus the person who asked "can I see a picture of trinity naked?" NO!

Last night me and Spring went to a pub quiz night at a country pub. It's a nice little pub, the quiz is a bit chav... Full of football and TV and we lost by a few points. But it's ok there.... Well it was. Last night seemed to be smokers club night. These women were having a Christmas meal in the restaurant and spent all night at the bar lighting up one after another. This morning my hair and last nights clothes smelt so awful. When is smoking going to be banned in public places? It can't come soon enough.

And finally. Heidi back from her Tuesday night Werekitten Club. This week it was 'How to rip feet to shreds in one easy move'
She didn't need much advice actually.

recipe madness

The new Co-op booklet for loyal customers arrived today. How thrilled was I when it dropped through the letter box and like any excellent barefoot in the kitchen Mother I flicked through the pages to find the RECIPES. I found this delicious looking trifle. Now trifle is trifle but I was interested to see what kind of different angle the Co-Op had placed on it's recipe.
Did it have home made sponge? Or some new jam base? Or creme anglaise instead of dull custard?
No.
The recipe asked for Swiss Roll sliced up. Jelly Cubes and ......Wait for it... Ready made custard. FFS.
I'd rather buy a packet of Birds... Least you make your own custard.

We went round to the local Co-op today. They've taken the windows out of the flats above the shops. I'll get some pictures. It looked really spooky and sad.
I'll be glad when the co-op goes though... Besides its recipes. The average age of the sales assistants is 106 and slow.... So slow. People have been known to die in that queue. But they would queue all night. Why? Fags, vodka and Paypal. Essential council estate service.
I actually think people deserve good service whoever and whomever they are.

foggy jams

The one thing I hate about going to work is that awful drive every morning. It's only about 9 miles (probably less) and takes 20 minutes on a Sunday morning.
This morning Bristol was covered in dense fog. I guess this had a knock on effect with cars going slower. I left at 08.15. It took me 1/2 our to get out of Hartcliffe. I got in work at 09.45. 90 minutes of crawling driving. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. Bristol was stuffed with traffic. The motorway was blocked both sides with an accident. There were several small accidents all over that caused traffic chaos. One man called into GWR moaning about the motorway flashing signs. He said he wanted to thank the highways for the smart new signs that were flashing 'FOG ON ROAD' at the drivers as they crawled into the city surrounded by thick fog... "Do they think I'm bloody stupid!" he yelled.
I got to work to find not one parking space. Arrive after 9.30 at your peril.
Work was confusing but I think it was my head nothing else. Asked a child to do me a wee specimen... Handed him the pot and turned round to find him weeing in the corner. I felt so awful... I never told him to use the bathroom. Just expected him to know that (he wasn't young either). Poor love.
I was told to be 'nicer' to the doctors... Why? What's the point? If your nice to them they've won. So I told one he had rather nice hair today and got told I was being sarcastic... Mutter mutter.
Well I'm home now. I got me pyjamas on and I'm not going out for anyone.
Please let the traffic be kinder tomorrow.......

gunpowder and treason in Hartcliffe

We've had such a hectic busy but fun weekend.... I'm bloody exhausted. I was taking to Spring last night about years ago when my ex husband left me ill and penniless and off sick from work, I remember being so lonely and bored. Well life is certainly full enough now. Saturday night we had a firework party here. Spring had a firework party every year at his house for his ex family. Well this year WE are his family. So we had this do here with fireworks and food and a disco and the neighbours came and Collette and Abby and Danz's mates. It was a good time albeit hectic for me and him trying to do everything. But we had fun and the kids loved it.. All three of them.
Small Spring thought Abby's mates were well cool. Hmph... Dan cool??
Dan told everyone me and Spring were 'making out' in the kitchen. This is a fabrication. I was merely helping him load his decks. I had my new jeans on which need a belt and kept falling down... Oh and Dan AND Paul are game for the next nudist colony visit. Phew what a hectic night.
Spring got the fab Brassey and DJ Trin tee-shirt covered in chocolate fountain and it won't wash out... anyone got any top washing tips?

Getting ready for the guests and Bailey wants to help make the punch. Every time I kicked her off she got back up. She is so fat and heavy. She won't get cold this winter.

Abby and Amy drinking their way through the contents of the drinks table. Amy has this really cute boyfriend. Poor love putting up with Amz.... ;)

November 5th the sky over the estate full of setting sun and cold air and bonfires being lit. A very pretty red and pink.

Some of my neighbours with their bonfire and England flag. I don't think they realise England was actually knocked out of the world cup.

My attempt at firework photography. The sky was full of them and it was so bloody noisy. The cats were scared... Well all except Heidi who sat in Danz bedroom window watching the sky. I don't think that feisty little cat will be scared of anything.

The green at the bottom of the road and people had gathered around a bonfire and were lighting small fireworks. I do like November 5th. It has this air of expectation and excitement... Maybe it's the 'will we get hit by a firework tonight or not'? They are bloody dangerous. Spring went to a display yesterday and got hit in the chest. Wonder if his copious chest hair is singed?

The bottom of my road last night. The air was rife with fireworks and smoke and the sky a weird orange colour. Hmm no police cars there tonight.... unusual.

Yesterday afternoon we had a Nov 5th special in the catering coach at the Railway. As the new catering manager I did food for all those big, dirty, sweaty men (there is some benefit to working there) Here's my home made apple pie... Note the Train decor sur la pie. Am I not very clever?
Every single piece went. Soon they will all love me as the way to a man's heart is through his stomach or groin artery (medical talk there)

Christmas shopping joy

So Christmas is coming and here comes the inevitable what the feck to buy everyone. Imagine my joy when this lovely catalogue appears in the midst of my TV Quick. Inbetween what happens in Eastenders, and the tips for holidays in Sheffield, pages.
So suddenly the worry and fuss about what to buy Spring and the girls is over.
The nail clippers? Not sure if this is best for Abby or Spring. A perfect little stocking filler.... Get it... stocking filler???

The Collapsible cup. How ingenious. Never be without a cup. In these days of plastic bottles and cans why would anyone want a collapsible cup?
.... Perfect for the long country walk when you may need a quick quench? Now you'd need a bottle of something to fill the damn thing which surely defeats the whole object.
Dishwasher friendly though.... Nice for dishwashers to have friends. It's hard being a friendless domestic appliance.

The adjustable safety chair. Perfect for sitting down ironing... I have just the friend for this one.....

The stepper.... Why go to the gym when you can have this cool contraption? Here you go Danz, this ones for you. Note the trainers Spring... You said you wanted a new pair. Apparently these NEVER wear out. You could wear them for eternity.

Roll out piano. The Boxing Day dream. Me, Spring and the three kids stood around the roll away belting out those old Bryan Adams classics. Marvelous.

Oohh how lovely.... Nice stocking filler there my darling Spring. No more wet spots. And they're perfectly normal looking too. There's a bonus. Do they do a waist 36????

Abby and Danz are BOTH getting one of these... Heck I'm getting one for small Spring too. How warm and snuggly. It sells it with words like Luxuriantly and encases. I might buy many.