still sad... tut

I arrived at work today got out of the car and immediately had tears streaming down my face. As I walked towards the place I was getting so cross with myself for being so stupid. It's been 3 months and still I can get like this?
The day was ok though and I came to the conclussion that I really do like some people who work there. There are some I don't really know yet.
I reckon I'm still a bit bereft for my old place. It wasn't like work... more like home. Steve laughed at me tonight... yeah I know I'm silly. But I guess I never did change too well. That's why I stayed there 21 years.
It's really hard to go from somewhere where you're in charge. You call the shots, to somewhere where you have to report in the office at 08.30 and be told where to go, what time to go for dinner and what time you can go home.
Maybe it's time to go self employed. Any one want a mobile nurse?

creature features

At present Steve has our lives dominated with horror movies. But not just any old horror movie. Oh no, the silliest and most ridiculous ones ever made. Recently I've sat through Raptor, which was about a man cloning T Rex's to end the world, the monster was a plastic dino with a plastic red mouth and a Grrrr that made Heidi's meow seem scary.
Then Carnonsaur which was a woman implanting T Rex embryos into women. When they gave birth the little monsters ripped through their tummies like some Alien Joke. Worse thing is the fully grown T Rex was the exact same plastic toy used in Raptor... but wait. Even worse the scenes were the same. They cut the raptor film and used loads of scenes but with a slightly different story line.
Then we had to suffer Minotour. Every 5 years teenage virgins were sacrificed to the legendary monster dear dear dear... what a bunch of tross.
We sat through 3/4 of Leprechaun until I could stand Steve saying "I'm gonna fucking kill them" in a slightly crazed Irish accent anymore.
Tonight we have "The Snake King". A 5 headed monstrous snake that silently slithers around surprising people. Then some film about crazed zombie nurses..... bet we have to watch THAT one... help

apologies to trin

Well seems I was wrong in some aspects. I did write a letter of complaint...well of distress really about last Friday's party.
I really didn't expect a reply and in my last post I did consider that the place was chav because they were unable to deal with a complaint in a decent manner.
It seems that they received my letter and were very concerned about it. The shouty man wasn't in charge at all. He wasn't the committee head. He'd just said he was.
The actual person in charge rang Steve. He did apologise and was very amenable and concerned about our experience. He said no one had ever complained before. So I guess we did have just a bad night.
However, just to spoil the apology he did say that somehow?? No idea how. (Read Grumblemag's post about online exposure) They'd discovered the blog and were appalled at my small piece about the place. He said they'd contacted their solicitor as it was probably slander.
As you know Slander has to be something written that is untrue. This blog expresses my opinion on things. I live in a free country and can say what I like. I told the nasty man on Saturday morning that we shan't be recommending it to my friends. He said quote "He didn't care"
Oh dear, it seems he wasn't speaking for the management at all when he said he didn't care because they do care.
At least that at given me faith in them. I'd always liked the centre and found it friendly and welcoming before.
If only he hadn't said he was the big boss. Then none of this would have happened.
As for a solicitor? If they thought that would worry me, that was really unkind. After all the trauma I had last week. I'm sure the publicity that involves such a case of an employee being so nasty to us, especially with Wulf with us, would be very interesting.
I'm dropping it now. They won't ever see us there again. I am very pleased they rang and discussed it and said sorry. That's the right way and they obviously are run by people who are decent.

the party

Never give Abby a Mic

Ooops upside your head.... lol

Least they enjoyed it

The cha cha slide in progress

the weekend

Steve and Wulf at a BBQ we went to Saturday night at an old friend of mines home. Daryl is just lush. These are his carp... big buggers they were!

Deb and Dave. Deb is my oldest friend.... umm not in years lol. We known each other since babies

Abby strutting her stuff

Danz, Hollie and Grace.

stuff, nasty and mediocre

These last few weeks have been weird. I've had several people tell me I'm not very nice... not to my face of course but it got back to me. The railway has been a huge headache. I seem to have put in a lot of work to no avail. The management are pleased, the workers hate it. They are rude and obtuse. They make comments about my size, my personality. I had an apron on with a cat on the front and they laughed about stroking my pussy.
Now I took this in good humour but after a long day serving the ingrates you begin to wonder if it's all worth it.
It ended up with Steve tendering his notice at the Railway and all hell let loose. They say it'll fold without him... well and me but I really don't think my input matters.
So it's on hold for a while and we shall see what happens. But for the time being the coach is closed and we need some well earned space from it.
Friday night we had a 17th party for Abby. I can't go into the trauma of it because I'm sick of it all but the venue was the Hartcliffe Community Centre. If you live in Bristol and are thinking of a venue keep well away from that chav nasty and vile dump.
We arrived and this vile man immediately set on me shouting that I hadn't told them it was a 17th. They didn't do 17th. They always ended in fights. Despite my reassurances that my family certainly didn't 'do fights' he continued with his nastiness and we packed up early and went home. The next day we went to collect our deposit with Wulf. This man was there again and once again he yelled and was completely vile. He shouted at us to "Go away" which upset Wulf.
I cannot understand why anyone would book a party there and feel if they have people like that working there they should be closed down. I write a letter of complaint but I expect it'll be trashed.
I think Abby enjoyed it though and Shannie said it was the best party ever.... love her.
Seems I managed to hide all the upset.
Work has been ok. Very dull and tedious but at least it's settled down and I don't cry every night.
We go to France in a few weeks. I forgot to renew the passport but was well relieved when it came this morning. It's got a chip in it...cook huh? Well £66 cool hmmmm.
Hope you're all OK.
Loves u
Tx

random

That bloody train station in the rain. This place has given me so much grief lately. Seems you can't please everyone... in fact you can't actually please anyone truth be told. Today the chips are too thin. Last week the menu was dull, the week before 45p was too expensive for a hot cup of tea.
Maybe when the sun shines again we'll see some happiness there? I got Mivvi ice lollies after all.
This is the girls and Paul and John under the leaky gazebo.

Hollie Marie and her mum's home made cakes at the coach. Hollie is exactly the sort of person we need at the coach. She's strong sassy and gives as good as she gets. Hollie will go far (btw I asked her to be a bridesmaid. We got 5 now. Water, earth, spirit, fire and air. Very pagan)

Wulf, Shannie and Danz at Pontins. We took Wulf swimming the other day at the gym. It was kids time and they had old ladies doing bloody aerobics in the pool. He couldn't move anywhere.
I complained and he got a free guest pass for his best mate and he choose Shannie... awwww

Steve's picture. The girls and Wulf on the big ride at Pontins. Very clever and lucky shot Stephen.

This weekend in Clevedon. For some reason I've been in a such a down mood this weekend. So pissy and miserable. Why do I get like that? Hope Steve doesn't leave me ever. This was a good evening though with a long walk on the front and drink in a sea front pub. Danz poses everywhere!

Abby moaned about having to walk so far.. as usual.

Our Sunday times wine rack. How I love wine. Isn't it pretty?

Danz at the Harvester in Littlehampton. I wasn't impressed with it at all. Food was dull, service was good though but quite expensive and hot and packed. Littlehampton was a trial this time. It's so far from Bristol. Took nearly 4 hours to drive there and 3 1/2 back. Almost 8 hours in the car for a couple of hours seeing family... oh yes it was good to see them but I was so tired afterwards.

bridesmaids

 
Practice posing.... oh help

car cat

Heidi loves the car!

hair needs cutting

This is at a pub in Horningsham... the Bath Arms. My hair badly needed cutting, had it done today along with all the other girls in this house. Steve's unwell. He stayed at home and played on his computer. My dad's got a Linksys router for his new laptop but can't connect the damn thing. I had to go down and assist but I couldn't work out why it wasn't doing it either. We ended up on a help line in India. They couldn't understand him and he got all cross. I think I know what the problem is now though. Going to see what I can do Monday. Things are ok here. Wulf's mother called a truce and things are happier. I dislike nastiness. Got to work at that damn coach tomorrow though. It's going to be wet so hope it's quiet.
Danz isn't well so she won't be able to help..... just me and a mountain of washing up no doubt.
We watched Idiocracy on DVD last night. A truly terrifying comedy about how in the future the dumb people survive the clever ones. If you watch it you'll see the point. If you're out there with an IQ of over 110.... have kids. Lots of them
lol
x

tues and all's coughy

I'm sick of being ill. Seems I haven't felt well for weeks now. Think it may have originated from stress initially but this damn cough isn't in my head.... it's driving me nuts.
It was payday today. I however, didn't get paid as someone in payroll accidentally terminated my employ and she happened to be on days off. No one else can apparently work the computer. Bloody great hey? So no money.
Abby is searching for a part time job. She had an interview in Asda and passed but then they didn't have a job to go to. I think she wasn't all that happy anyways. Think we'll move on from Asda to smaller more personal places. She did get onto the next college course for next year, she's passed this course so well done Abby.
Steve's Landy failed the MOT majorly. Looks now like the MOT he brought the thing with was dodgy. Oh well, we were getting rid of it anyways.
I have a lovely new car stereo, with regards from Steve's ex auntie Edie's legacy. A Sony Xplod with Bluetooth to answer the phone through the speakers. I'm so excited. I never had a decent car cd thingy before.
Seems life is quiet now. No traumas to blog. Abby's having a 17th birthday party in 2 weeks. We've booked a room at the community centre... mainly so we can DJ. I miss djing. Gone so quiet ATM.
Hope you're all ok out there.
Loves u
x

bebo

Don't forget to check out my Bebo... I love it
Trin's Bebo

bad bad NHS

Sometimes it's embarrassing working for the NHS. My mum had major surgery last week. She was so unwell she had a private room post surgery. She spent a week in hospital. The care she got was appalling. She was in a private ward. She said if she'd have had to pay, she'd refuse.
One of the main things you learn about nursing and post op pain is you never let it get hold. Pain is easier to avoid than to get rid of when it gets bad. After surgery the nurses were giving her some lovely pain killers... yep just paracetamol. What a bunch of useless crap. It's a very mild painkiller used for a slight headache maybe.
Worst was they didn't even give her it on time. She had 2 paracetamols at 5 am and asked for more at 10 am. They didn't bother until gone midday.
Then there was the discharge procedure. There wasn't one. Thursday the consultant came, said she was too unwell to go home Friday. She'd had her catheter out and it didn't work so had to have it put back in. Friday morning a junior doctor came round and sent her home. They shoved a few spare catheter bags in a carrier bag and off she went. I got round there Friday night when I got back from holiday and she was in a right state. She hadn't been washed for a whole week, even with a catheter in that's meant to be kept very clean and no one cleaned it once. I helped her shower. I was shocked at how bad the catheter smelt. Come on, where is the nursing care gone?
Over the weekend she was in such terrible pain she had the emergency doctor out. He gave her some proper painkillers not the small box of paracetamol they's sent her home with.
On Monday my dad went to see the district nurse to ask for help. The DN was so cross. They'd not had notification she'd gone home. They'd have been into her every day over the weekend if they'd known. She rang the hospital to ask if she could take out the catheter herself. No they said. With that type of surgery it wouldn't heal for 2 weeks and they wanted to do to themselves. After all it had to be done properly. The area had enormous potential for infection. It had to be kept extremely clean and treated carefully.
So... why did the fuckers take it out Thursday? Why did they not keep it clean? And why did they send her home with no support and no clear instructions. They told her if there was any trouble to turn up at the BRI casualty dept and sit and wait.
If anything happens I have a good mind to sue. But the worse bit is those nurses who so say 'looked' after her. They are total crap.

growing up

Wulf, Danz and the lovely Serena last weekend. Wulf has grown up so much this last few months. He looks older than 13 here.

swanage and what steamy fun!

Steve on the steam train that took us to Swanage. It was so cold and rainy though. I was chilled through to the bone. Only had sandals on and no coat. Coat in May? Well I needed one. Why do I get so cold all the time?

The steam through the carriage window.
Swanage front. I'd have loved it if it wasn't so fecking wet.

See the mist and rain sweeping across the bay. Not a soul in sight. I hadn't realised how pagan Swanage is. There were loads of shops and this wonderful pagan vegetarian cafe we found by chance where I warmed up and started to feel a bit better.

bloody long bluebell walk

Remind me whose idea was a long walk in the woods? Hmmm mine apparently. Like Hansel and Gretel on a very dull and boring Bank Holiday Sunday we drove out to Portbury and the bluebell woods. I think we went about two weeks too late as the Bluebells although pretty were just turning, probably due to lack of rain. The walk was so long though, I hadn't realised how far up hill it was and the next day my legs suffered. Steve said I was a wimp as apparently he suffered no ill effects from the mammoth session.... bastard.
There was a nice pub at the bottom of the hill that had rather nice ice cold cider on tap, so all was not lost I guess.

holidays....

I'm all excited, next Tuesday we're going away for three nights to Dilly Dally again, our very special naturist place.... just me and Steve. Can't wait. Hope the sun shines, it can get a bit nippy ;)

kizzy is home!

How bad am I? Life seems so busy ATM. Last week was so stressful and work is vile. I hate it with a passion. But very good news was Kizzy came back. I'd given her up for dead so when she waltzed in whilst I was ironing, I burst into tears. She was so hungry and looked thin. Now she refuses to leave the house. Wonder what happened?
We went to see Marie's lovely new house last night. Very nice. We had the grand tour and Danz stayed the night.... but it was to be a little traumatic. Sam my little DJ fell awkwardly on the trampoline and fractured his elbow. Danz said he was so brave, hardly cried but it was v nasty and he's in hospital tonight with pins and stuff. I felt so upset all day for Marie. Such a nasty shock. We took Hollie to the train station with us. I think she really liked it, behind that counter with all those rough men lol..... OK Marie I did look after her! This week we bought wood flowers on stands with numbers on. If they ordered food and sat outside they had to take a numbered flower.... they really fought over who was having the pink ones....
Wulf's mother has calmed down, she has a 'word' with Steve to say that she is SURE my motive is to control both Steve and Wulf. But apparently she's 'delighted' that we're taking him on holidays. Hmmm, me thinks control is her other middle name.
Work is still very wrong but I've stopped crying before I have to go in now... a step forward. I also sorted out a tiny baby last week that previously would have been dealt with by doctors. Now it's my job.... I'd been worrying I wasn't up to it, but I was fine, confident good, got blood first time, results back normal and a huge confidence boost. If only 99% of the time wasn't so bloody boring.
I am a bad blogger aren't I? Steve always finds time for his 17 sites... yes 17! But as my mate said the other week, he likes me having a busy full life now. Too full to blog all the time.
Get well soon Sam.... we all loves you xxx

pontins 2007

Well Saturday and the one year milestone passed. So he got me these lovely flowers on an impulse from Burnham on Sea and we went out for lunch in the Somerset and Dorset Pub.
A pretty full year really. And the next one will be even more hectic and full.... life is good.

Wulf and the girls on a big fairground ride. He seems to have grown up so much this weekend.

The girls on the cat and mouse. Danz screamed the whole time. She's like me.. I hate the rides.

The water ride. They all got soaked. Shannie had white on and she was dripping wet. It was a really chilled weekend... really nice sunny and happy.
In complete contrast to the return home with Wulf's so called mother still seething that we dared to take him out of school for a day... of course he'll be on benefits for the rest of his life now! (Even though she knew we were away and the school were fine with it)
She was so nasty to him... yes HIM, when he got back. He called me sobbing to come collect him away from her and it was really hard for me not to drop everything and get him. But it would have made it worse at the time. The girls were distraught at the thought of him so upset.
Ha, I rang her this morning and left a message on her phone. I told her if anything like that happened again I'd be seeing a solicitor and I couldn't believe how mean she was... but there again she was the one who'd walked out on her 6 year old blind son so probably mean was her middle name. Touche.
She's met her match in me. She'd better watch it.

DJ SAM

Future profession? Marie's youngest shows what he's made of. He told Paul that his last birthday party was OK.... but not as good as this.... lol

wulf's party

Abby Danz, Hollie Marie and Shannie dancing on the patio.......

worry

Kizzy's gone missing. I'm trying not to get overwhelmed with panic, she's a cat. But I loves my Kizzy. Little scardy thing. Trouble is there's blood on Abby's bed and blood on the chair down here. Something's happened. We've walked around looking for her. Called her all the time but no sign.
Abby's not coming to Pontins with us this weekend, so at least someone's here all the time.
Guess what Wulf's mother brought him for his THIRTEENTH birthday?
A ball pool. Sized for a 2 year old. The woman is weird. Lives on cloud cuckoo land. I'm waiting for the nuclear fall out from us taking him out of school Monday. She'll go mad. Silly cow.
See the news today? A student nurse wailing because she was left alone to care for a sick patient because her trained nurse colleague fainted.
I hope pathetic Nicola Chambers is never employed. When I trained we ran the wards. We never bleated or moaned. Frankly that's not the sort of person you want nursing you. Not the kind of colleague you want in your team... run to the newspapers when something goes awry. Plus she looked as chav as they come.
I'm worried about Kiz...........

low down

How I hate outpatients. I've got today and tomorrow off then I'm in for three days and I'm already laying awake in the night fretting about it.
I went out Thursday night with the ex girls from work to a harbour side pub in Bristol. It was so nice to see them all again but opened up the wound of hurt that I missed them all so much. I could sit and cry really. Steve says I've been a bit snappy and sad lately. I hadn't realised how much had spilt over to home.
Maybe the best way to deal with it is with humour because really they are all quite pathetic. If thy think that in any way or form THAT is nursing? And to get into such a tizz over it... well it's really stupid. I did meet one really nice and friendly health care assistant last week that actually took the time to ask about me, wanted to get to know me and was laughing and happy. BUT the big problem is that it seems I took her job. She used to do the kids clinics on a Wednesday, now she has to move departments or move days. Made me feel a bit sad and a bit unwanted.
Seems the real Trin can't shine through yet...and will she ever?
Friday I spent doing Outpatients at Frenchay. I'd been warned by the other lot that it was pokey, old fashioned and the staff were a bit edgy. I was worried.... could it be any worse than my usual hospital?
Actually I liked it. I was left in charge, It was light and airy and the staff were all really kind and left me alone, but helpful when I needed some stuff to take blood. Think I'll like it there, wish I was there more really.
It was Wulf's birthday party yesterday at the coach in the train station. It was hard work but fun. His mother was there...... strange woman with her 20 year older than her husband (who was quite pleasant) It was odd serving food to them.
I think I need a holiday. Somewhere right away from all of this. Problem with holidays is you have to come back eventually. Do I sound a bit low?

Bloody People

We've had rather a hectic weekend what with a trip to Littlehampton to wish future dad in law a Happy Birthday and two full on days at the catering coach making dinners and snacks for the bored Easter day trippers. Plus it was hot and I was tired. It was ok though, we pulled in about £350 for the two days and the customers seemed happy. The patio was lush with all the tables and parasols out. We sold loads of ice cream on Sunday and loads of Jacket pots on Monday... weird.
I was awoken quite early Tuesday morning by a knock at the door. I wandered down in Steve's dressing gown. It was this officious looking woman from the council.... ooops did I pay the rent? OK, she was on about the rubbish outside the house. All two carrier bags full of cardboard neatly squashed waiting the next collection.
I started a rant about how disgusting the 2 week collection was and how the bin was full and they didn't collect for another week. We'd already made a trip to the tip this week.... using petrol and damaging the environment in the process. The tip was full of cars and people tipping ordinary household rubbish. Ridiculous.
She started a condescending rant on how we didn't recycle properly and how we shouldn't put meat in the food bins as it encouraged flies. Suddenly Steve appeared behind me and sent her packing with his "This is a vegetarian family and I used to be a green councillor"
Cheeky bitch. This is Hartcliffe, if she knocks on the wrong house complaining there's rubbish in their front garden she'll probably be murdered.
Then we had to return once again to the bloody train station as the boiler packed up and we had a plumber coming... seems the whole thing was put in incorrectly in the first place and the whole thing needs replacing. Everything was OK until a worker arrived and was talking to Steve. Some thing got said about prices and he started this aggressive rant towards me about the disgraceful price of tea in the coach. How I was extorting money from the workers charging the prices I did. How it was obvious I didn't care and how he wasn't going to eat in there again.... so guys how much do you think a mug of hot quality tea is in the first class catering coach?
Any guesses.... from his reaction?
Nope you're wrong the price is 45p. Or 9 shillings as he put it.
45 pence? He needs locking up and I need my head read.
x

A few people had afternoon tea at the Mad Hatter's house. For some strange reason he was charging everybody; three pence for a cup of tea and five pence for a piece of cake. Everyone ate and drank the same.

new girl

Monday 6.30 I was up and busy. The first day in the new job. Didn't want to do my usual thing of being late. I was nervous, kind of. I was sad that the ward was finally closed. After threatening to do it for more than 15 years.. they did it!
On the way I was swept with this nausea. Stupid really. I wasn't THAT worried.. was I?
I arrived at 7.50. Parked and hurried up the hill. I got there dead on 8. To my dismay the place was all locked up. A doctor arrived and struggled with the lock and opened it. He wished me luck on my first day. I got in 5 minutes late. The unit manager was there. I saw her look at the clock. I knew I was 5 Min's late but the bloody door was locked.
As the morning went on I realised that the reason she looked at the clock was not that I was late but 1/2 hour early. Hopeless! I was meant to start at 8.30 am. Got confused.

I started unpacking all the stuff we'd brought with us. Toys, equipment, machinery.
My friend Mabel, who'd got the job with me arrived. She was nervous. She was worse than me. Least I'd done outpatients before.
The morning dragged. It was quiet. We sorted out toys and books and saw a few patients but it was a long morning. There were no breaks... no paid ones at all. Very odd. I got sent to dinner at 12.30 with a gaggle of health care assistants who frankly didn't have a decent conversation in them. They had the TV on watch Englebert Humperdink for 10 minutes then the awful Loose Woman lunchtime show.
They chatted about inane stuff like washing and gardens and flying with liquids in your hand luggage.
The afternoon was worse.. far worse. Quiet and so long. I was tired. Up too Early, too stressed and post emotional.
5.15 and it was all done, cleared up and sorted. We wandered round for 15 minutes asking others if they wanted a hand. Nope, no one was busy.
So we went to ask the nurse in charge if we could go.
Now I finished at 6 but bear in mind I'd started work at 8, I reckoned I'd done my hours.
The nurse in charge (who I since find is the same grade as me) was at in an office on the PC playing solitaire.
We told her we'd finished. She asked if everything was done to wish the other nurse who normally works there said yes and got a mouthful because she'd meant the whole of outpatients not just our section.
I was appalled. It was being back at school and asking to use the toilet or something.
I told her I had come in 1/2 hour early so technically had done my hours. She said that was my fault. That I'd done 1/2 hour work in my own time so tough.
I was cross. How long was it since that bitch had done a first day anywhere. I was tired, information overload. I'd done a 9 and 1/2 hour shift and was only used to doing 6 maximum.
We did go home, but without any grace or smiles or pleasant goodbye, hope your first day was good. Nothing like my style of management or personality at all.
Mabel was so upset going back to the cars. She hated it. It was the worst thing she'd ever done. Sad really because it would have only taken a bit of niceness to have made it better.
I went shopping. Got stuff for fajitas because I needed a treat. Spent the evening just worrying about the next day.
Tuesday was better but only because we were sent to the old paeds wards to see if there was anything left we could swipe for the unit. There was a bring and buy sell on.... sort of. A free for all for the hospital. People coming and labelling up equipment and furniture to take away. Some sister from some outlying ward had nabbed nearly everything and was rude in the process. It was so sad. My ward that I'd been on for 20 years or more just ripped apart with vultures arguing over the pickings. My ex manager (Lucy) was there alone. She looked pale and tired. She had the clear the entire place on her own. I was appalled.
We got back and I mentioned to my new manager that I was upset Lucy was being forced to do everything on her own. She said we could go over for the whole afternoon and help her.
At lunchtime Staff Nurse Hitler came round to tell us to go to dinner (yep we are told when to go) I told her we were going to the ward after dinner to help Lucy. She was no pleased. "We'll see about that" She grunted.
Then I discovered that her and the manager actually dislike each other and there's friction all the time. Can I work like that?
We did go over. We worked really hard. Lucy was pleased to see us. I hope we helped her a bit. The day went fast and I got home 1/2 hour early without any trauma.
Now I got 7 days off and I need them. Steve is here all week too. We're going to Littlehampton Friday and the train station most of the weekend.
Not sure I'll like this job at all. I'll have to think of some strategy to deal with SN Hitler. I am not fresh and 21 and inexperienced. I'm used to being autonomous and in charge.
Watch this space.
xxx