Tuesday

This morning was fraught. The traffic was hideous and work was v busy and it was my first day back. I wasn't firing all guns blazing. But never fear! They will blaze again.
Really, though, my mind was on the afternoons forthcoming appt with my shrink.
I hate talking about myself. I seem to be worried that they'll dig up something awful and I'll be left exposed and unprotected.
But my Doctor is really lovely. Very gentle and kind. Though he's also got a presence that you just know he's right.
You know what? He said I was lovely. He said I have a warm and inviting presence and I'm easy to talk to. I don't need more drugs ATM. I need more therapy. I have a low self-esteem and my confidence has been knocked out of alignment.
We talked about lots of stuff. He told me to listen more to people around me. That they actually talk sense and are right. I don't listen, I block out stuff that I think I may not want to hear and in doing that I block out the good stuff.
So, that's it really. I'm going to try very hard to listen, to stay calm and remember stuff.
And practice saying everyday. I am lovable. I am worth something. I am a good and strong person.
XXX