4 letter words

I got into trouble again today with that evil little four letter word that causes so much pain
LOVE.
I think a lot of my drive and thoughts are driven by the word love.
I guess that's probably true for many people. Look at song writers and poets... Love is the main thing they write about. Love or lack of love or lost love.
I've only ever really loved two men in my whole life. My ex husband wasn't one of them.
I loved him in a way that a mum loves her baby, or an owner loves his dog or a man loves his van maybe.
I was his champion. His advocate. He'd had a bad experience with women in the past and he evoked a powerful feeling of protection. But never passion and never love.
Maybe that doesn't matter to many people. The companionship and friendship is actually very important. But bloody hell guys unless you have really loved you have no idea.
My first love fanned my passion and made it spread. He was one of those bad men who make you want more and more. I suddenly realised that he was no good for me and it ended.
My second love was too good for the likes of me and would never love me back. So I will admire from afar and accept morsels of stale bread if he chooses to throw them.
You never stop loving people who you truly loved with passion. Someone sent me a picture of the first man I loved fairly recently and I studied it intently then closed the file for fear of that pain of separation again.
Silly bitch aren't I? WTF
There have been several men in my life time that I really could have loved to bits, but wasn't given the opportunity. (Actually, truth is they ran away as fast as their chubby little legs could carry them... Hey-Ho)
But I still think of them with much fondness and happiness really (and an evil smile)
Why is it so wrong to love someone? I don't get it. OK if they're attached to someone else I guess that may cause a small conflict in interest. I really can't see why women can't share their men. I know a few who'd only be too glad to get rid of their husbands for a while.
I don't know.
Maybe it's me. My head again. I'm just too passionate about my friends. I love Collette to bits though and would do anything for her.
OK I'll try to stop using the word love. Maybe I'll replace it with "I hold you in high regard" or "I rejoice in your presence"
Nah "love you lots" will have to do.
So there.