the world is a circle without a beginning.........

"I find it hard to tell you
'cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world"

Tears For Fears (sept 1982)


I have had a complete nightmare of a day with this financial business. I guess at one point I thought, well ok, I shouldn't be bankrupt. You have to expect some flack. The main problem was the evil Welcome Finance with their demanding phone calls and persistence. Today's call and letter was about the car I had from them 6 years ago that was scrapped. I apparently didn't inform them of the cars condition and so they were going to prosecute me for some reason.
Being fragile anyways I completely lost it and ended up on the phone to Bristol Debt Advice again (the best people in the whole world) they said Welcome Finance were trying it on. They were nasty gits who were like a dog with a bone and awful to get rid of. Bankruptcy was the best and often the only option.
Then there was a letter from the council advising of bailiff intervention in 14 days because of a 83 quid debt I owed from a house three houses ago and about 5 years ago.
I wasn't aware I owed any money on this house, anyways tough luck now. I'm bankrupt, even if I wanted to make an offer to pay I wouldn't be allowed.
And there was other mess, but I guess the day has ended and I'm still sane (just) and everyday will get easier.
The kids father just rang me.
"Hello, I just called to tell you that I rang Abby last night and told her to pull herself together and get herself a job. How can she do stuff like go out drinking with her mates if she hasn't got her own money?"
What a sensible father he is. Job= drinking with mates.
Me and the girls have decided that (if) when he pays the child maintenance again we'll have it paid into their accounts from now on. I told him. He said "So you don't need MY money any more then?"
Sigh. Remind me again.... Why did I marry that cretin?

it's done

Well guys I am now officially bankrupt.It was quite a day, mainly because I was so stressed but I was brave. Never cried and got through it. Spring was so brilliant, telling jokes being sarcastic and just supportive. He even took me to the Wessex Flyer for dinner afterwards. Thanks love I won't forget that.
None of it was as bad as I'd imagined but it's not quite all over as now I have to comply with certain things and have this complex money thing sorted.
But I am debt free. I got home and there was a vile letter from the bank. "Rip it up" Spring said "Ignore it"
Then a phone call from those hideous masters of rip off, namely the 48% APR Welcome finance bastards who told me that the car I had 2 years ago that was scrapped was in fact on hire purchase and insinuated they were going to come get it. Well they'll have a job but I got quite worked up about it until Spring told me that all my assets were now in the control of the official receiver and Welcome Finance could go toss.
Still it unnerved an already jolted head. I feel ill now. I'm the worst I've been in ages. I think I need a quiet day to recover and chill.
I don't actually feel any different, no relief or freedom. Feel a bit of a failure to be perfectly honest. I'm glad it's over and I'm glad I did it though.
I'm sure I'll feel better in a few days.
However I'm not sure if I will ever regain use of my legs again. They are so painful after yesterdays trek to the outer hebrides. I was awake half the night with worry and painful legs and they STILL hurt today.
I have blisters and callouses and shooting pains. I need a professional masseur to administer relief.
Oh and ps...... It's my Birthday Friday. 36 yipeeeee! (no comments Jude)

time warp 14 years

Longleat 1992 Abby by the fountain in front of the House.

Longleat 2006 Abby by the fountain in front the house.
Where's the England flag?

long walk longleat

School Holidays and the need to take the kids somewhere... Away from the sofa and MTV. Spring lives right round the corner from Longleat and if we walk and ditch the car we don't pay the entrance fee... Just each ride.
So we walked. And boy did we walk. This drive way seemed to go on forever. The journey down was ok but on the way back and uphill part of the way nearly killed me off.
Maybe I should get some sensible shoes and not the slip on rubbish cheap things I wear.

Here are the intrepid walkers helping each other along. If you could have seen Spring's face... It was pure pain. Those girls won't leave the poor man alone.
The first attraction in there was a bat cave. Except it didn't say it was a bat cave but Old Joes Mine. First I thought it was a ride. We got in there, opened a blackout curtain, and a 100 bats flew at me. I was terrified and had to leave via the entrance. Spring thought them most wonderful.. He said they were cute. It took me and the girls an hour to calm down

Au naturelle... Spring finds a Railway. This thing took us all round Longleat with a puff and toot on it's bell. 5 of us got in one small carriage and somewhere had their knee in a most precarious place. Good job we didn't crash.

In the gift shop father and son find matching hats.
He also got wulf 4 packets of sherbert which he immediately dropped down his front and was attacked by a swarm of sherbert loving wasps. Cute.

fiesta food

Side by side like Hitler and Kate Moss were the voracious vegetarians wagon and the carnivorous cow eaters trailer.

Funny though how most vegetarian fiesta food seems to consist of Chips or wedges?
Still how about some nice Veggie chillie Nanchoes (sic) or a toastie vs a healthy helping of Black Pudding?
Black Pudding and a hog roast. Makes your mouth water?
I have to admit to us all veering towards veggie food stuffs, much to Abby's disgust..... But who was the only one to have a second helping of the French/Spanish quorn dish I made today? (don't ask, but it tasted ok)
I have to watch everything I use because darling Spring is violently allergic to Rape seed oil, which is present in Vegetable oil, mayonnaise, coleslaw etc.
Guys, do not buy this evil stuff. If you need oil buy Sunflower or better. Rape seed (AKA Canola oil) is nasty stuff. Cheap, full of chemicals and in it's generic form poisonous to humans. It's animal fodder at it's worst.
Want more proof?

"Rape oil is also the source of the infamous chemical-warfare agent , mustard gas, which was banned after blistering the lungs and skin of hundreds of thousands of solders and civilians during WW1."

If you get really bad hayfever in May/June/July it's possibly the rape seed flowering, in which case avoid it's oil. May be why you feel ill at times.
(End of Nurse Trins private medical broadcast)

2006 balloon fiesta

With trepidation I decided we'd risk the balloon fiesta last night. Memories of past event... Sitting in traffic for 2 hours trying to go the mere 6 miles back home made me wary. But I love the glow. It's so pretty and special and I always feel I should support the festival, with it being on my doorstep.
The traffic was bad getting in... But I know of this field just by the gates that''s a fiver to park all day. You can even leave and go back in. It's run by lovely people, always got spaces and away from the queues. Perfect.
The event was very busy. So many people packed in there. Not an inch to sit. We walked for ages finding a spot to park our bums.

We found this little place in the rough grass next to Gay Ballooners Monthly, who wrestled most of the evening... First all of them, then one on one. I did request a touch of naked wresting at one point but it fell on deaf ears.


There was even a London Bus there... Made me think of a certain Blogger mate of mine.


There were masses of Army and Navy exhibits for some odd reason. Maybe they want the entire population of Bristol to sign up? This is my darling Spring with his pint of shandy in front of a large gun. He's a lover not a fighter.

The Balloons were very pretty, very hot and bright. It was Spanish night as the event was sponsored by Harvey's Orange. So naturally we had music by Kylie and Ricky Martin as they are typically Spanish.


We left before the fireworks. A shame but my worry about the queues made it inevitable. We got directed out of the field and up and away from Bristol. I did consider turning around and going back into Bristol but thoughts of that awful year flooded back and we headed for the Motorway and did a huge circle round Bristol. It took 40 minutes to get home. On the way back the radio announced traffic chaos and people stuck in the official car park for hours.

heidi

Heidi aged 18 days. Now she can walk a little and is taking notice of her surroundings and whilst we were there she climbed out of her basket! Hope she's not going to be as naughty as Bailey (who has just brought me yet another sodding mouse)
You reckon she looks like a guinea pig?

In some shots she looks like a tiny Panda bear. She also looks tinier than her sibs. BTW Dobby is doing ok.... he's about a week behind the rest but he's not as ugly... bless.

Heidi Checking us out.

Ginge with his Mum.... "That's my boy!"

gym bunnie

I've been hanging at the Gym more frequently these past weeks. Mostly because Spring has decided he wants to get fit and with it and shocked at his ability to only managed 2 lengths before needed CPR.
He's doing ok. He's losing the 'I'm an old walrus about to croak' look for the main part but boy is he a spitting ball of kitten fur if someone swims by him and;

• Splashes him... Apparently they tried to drown him
• Looks like an Olympic swimmer. They are just showing off
• Doesn't stop at each end gasping like a fish out of water... Like he does.
• gets in the jacuzzi with us... Like who are they to get in OUR jacuzzi!

Today I took Danz for a quick morning swim (as all good mummies do) . Saturday mornings are a bit of a pain. It's kids morning. Today had lots of dads with their kids splashing about. One father had his little daughter jumping in. Well fine, but she jumped in about 50 times. Right in the path of the swimmers. Kids under 4 are free at the gym. I don't think they should interfere with the important process of exercise.... Why go swimming otherwise?
Then we had the 'Swim like a fish' man. He did most of the length underwater which made it quite tricky with the kids splashing about. He nearly drowned a few of them (yippee) but he really should have been in the sectioned off lane swim area.
Then there was the social swimmers. Three old ladies. Swimming side by side and still managing to talk about which brand of washing powder they use, what's for tea tonight and not get their 'shampoo and set' hair wet. They stopped every three strokes.
I really don't seem to be getting any fitter though! More moany but no fitter.
Going to lie down now........... ;P

door salesmen

3 pm yesterday and gone to sleep with a slight headache. The girls answered the door to a man who wanted to see me. He said he was investigating complaints in the area about something.
Was it the cops? The council? I got up and went to the door.
A rather tubby scruffy man with unkempt uncut hair stood before me.
"I am from EDF", He informed me "We are the official energy board for this area. We are the important ones. We are there for the people. It is our job to investigate complaints and see if we can help get you cheaper energy"
I took in his person, voice, lack of smartness and decided on the spot he was a salesman
"Did you know that in this area alone energy has risen by 25%" He bleated "You're with British Gas aren't you?"
My face was thunderous. I saw Danz glanced at me looking embarrassed.
"How much do you spend a week on electric? 5 pounds?"
I nodded (crap but anything to get rid of him)
"Oh only 5" he exclaimed "I haven't ever met anyone before who spent so little.... But" flicking over a laminated chart "I can still save you 83 quid a year, you just have to sign this form and we will send you a new key and card for your meters"
"Look I know you're trying to sell me stuff" I was rude "I'm not interested"
"You aren't interested in saving yourself money? I really can't believe that" He looked at me sternly.
"Not interested"
I shut the door.
Danz said she then saw him knocking on the door of the elderly gent who always wears pyjamas a few doors up.
I was mad. He didn't present himself as SWEB (which is basically what he was) trying to get us to swap suppliers but as someone official, someone sent by the goverment.
Energy is NOT 25% more expensive in this area alone. What a bunch of crap. But the thought of that slimy little kid preying on the vulnerable and elderly in this area made me feel sick.
Wonder who I can complain to. Because I want to. Any ideas?

(Incidentally after that happened both girls came to me at different moments and told me I was rude.... They were embarrassed at my attitude to him at the door. They did an impression of my "not interested" attitude. They got a lot to learn about hard sell door idiots. My home is my castle. Least I didn't break out the hand grenades.)

Whose birthday today?

Happy Birthday Dylan.
Have a great party.

"Youth is a circumstance you can't do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old".

Frank Lloyd Wright

window to my council soul

Apparently us council house dwellers are being treated to new windows... all round. Must be to go with the new shopping centre we are promised.
Today a man came round to measure the windows. I did rather think they were probably all the same size but who am I to question?
Then in the second wave I get a visit from Rula. Rula is about 55 with dyed blonde hair and a 'trendy' fashion sense. She drives a huge car, silver with big wheels that reminded me of a bull.
Rula has obviously 'done' these council estate people before.
She sweeped in pronouncing and overly annunciating each word very carefully.
She had a booklet that explained fully the purpose of the new windows (to make them new!) the aims and philosophy of the company she works for and who she is complete with picture of Rula using Glamma shot.
Then there was a form to be filled out. Each question was explain slowly and concisely. I was beginning to get very pissed off.
Firstly they wanted my address and name and the names of everyone in the house and our dates of birth... Why? I don't know many window companies that require your date of birth prior to fitting (unless you want finance of course)
I didn't fill out mine, they do not need my age (which is of course almost 36). Then they wanted to know if I had any disabilities, anyone medical ever visit the house, how many pets I had, and a next of kin. "Why a next of kin?" I asked.
Apparently in case something dreadful happened like a new window falling on me.
Great.
So it's all set for September 8th. Good job I haven't bothered cleaning the old ones.

did I mention?

That Spring had a lovely donkey mask for his birthday from my darling girls?
Suits him.

Spring's gonna be upset!

20m redevelopment gets go-ahead
It's happening!
They're finally going to tear down those awful shops round these parts and build us a nice new state of the art supermarket.
Kind of sad in ways. I used to play round those shops. I used to spend my school dinner money on chips there, nicked sweets, brought my first record, my brother broke his arms over his handle bars there.
It's like a bit of a ghost town now. Kids hang about because they got nothing else to do except kick balls at the metal shop fronts. I remember people who lived in those flats over the shops.
All long gone.
1960's architecture.
What were they thinking?

the first one

My very first ripe tomato. I'm so pleased. I shared it with Danz and it was sweet and tomatoish.... hmmm next step potatoes, cabbage, carrots etc etc just call me Felicity Kendall....

bad money

Faced with a Bi Polar lifestyle that was far beyond my means a few years back, things have reached the point when it was do something about it or collapse again.
Next Tuesday I'm petitioning for bankruptcy. Funny, it's been hard for me to admit it here. Most of my friends know about it and support me fully but it's actually saying it.
I am crap, I spent money that I couldn't pay back. I failed.
It costs money to become bankrupt. Almost 500 quid. I've had to wait till now to scrabble it all together. I'm terrified. I'm having nightmares, I've been moody and tearful (ask Spring!)
Today I cried because he offered to come with me. I was touched. I didn't expect him to. TBH I feel it's my problem and I should face it alone. Someone in work offered to come with me but I felt embarrassed and stupid.
Work phoned me earlier. The bank have been ringing them... Told them I was in serious trouble and needed to contact them ASAP.
I was mad. I didn't expect that from a bank. Crikey they've had enough money from me over these years.
Today's postman brought a ton of nasty letters threatening me with visits and court things.
It will be a joy to end all that. But I am scared. I feel a failure. I know I was very bad. But if you come here you will have no idea what exactly I over-spent on? There's nothing here. Probably the way with bi-polar. A nick in a vein leaking gradually.
I'm better. I'm the most stable I've been for years. I'm happy and strong and level.
This will hopefully seal it.
I hope so.

birthday boy

Today was Springs birthday... A big one as it turns out. He came over at about 2 pm and we went to the farm to choose his kitten... That was REALLY his gift. I bought him some stuff. A robe to wear at Dilly Dally, a tee-shirt, some CD's, a Barometer (Abby thought this hilarious) plus other bits.

She choose his Dalek cake. We had a bottle of champagne between us before 5 pm. Abby was most disgusted. She said it was far too early to start drinking. I wonder who made her Mother Superior.
I made fajitas and fired up the chocolate fountain for dessert. Now he's asleep on my bed from over indulgence I fear.... ahhh who cares that's what should happen on your birthday.
Happy Birthday sweetheart. Loves you.
xxx

new kittens

11 days old. Eyes just open and just beginning to try to walk with wobbly feet. My sister's cats Kittens are just gorgeous. These are the most feisty. The ginger one is the biggest and robust and the tabby one is like a mini tiger all hissing and spitting and temper.... At 11 days?

Spot Heidi cuddled up to Dobby the little runt. Ginge and Tiger are fighting and the little black and white one is asleep on his own.

Spring choose the tortoiseshell one. We're going to call it Heidi. Yeah I know it's girlie but I like girlie names. He choose it anyways. She had a pretty dear little face framed in fur and was cuddly.

This is the runt. Dobby. He was born in the corner of the room and left behind. When my sister found him he was half dead and cold. He's as ugly as can be and sees one eye hasn't opened properly and she's sure no one will want him. Would YOU want him

sensible

"Dancing is not the right thing for you. Up to now I have tried to keep you away from corruption and in the city there is always the danger that you may be overcome in the struggle against evil."

tracks and tracks:

"They come downstairs and tell you to turn your music down, moan 'cos you don't wear clothes when it's 90+ outside and have CD collections that would shame your grandparents. "

Sounds like Abby and Danz.... Wait a minute that IS Abby and Danz.
This is me and Springs new site. Combining the raw challenge of music and trains. Hmmm.
Novel.
"Your kids are like Nazi Guards" Spring remarked to me the other day after Abby had flown upstairs to tell me to turn DOWN David Bowie. Didn't I realise there were people living in our street. This was at 1pm not 3 in the morning. Also put some clothes on. She had no desire to see Springs legs, or nose or elbows for that matter.
Sat on the sofa with lap top on her.... ummm lap she listens to every word and she displays her displeasure with a snort or guttural throaty noise.
Dan I even had Daniel telling me he had no desire to see Springs naked bum at school the other day.
Teenagers? Yep he's right. What is happening?
Go get a tattoo and ditch the lace ups.
I is as cool as cool can be.
xxx

kisses

Happy Birthday Spring!!
May it be your best one yet.
Pictures later.

cats rule

why cats are the bestest thing ever!:

"On June 4 a black bear wandered into a West Milford, New Jersey, back yard, was confronted by a 15-pound (7-kilogram) tabby cat, and fled up a neighbor's tree. Hissing at the base of the tree, Jack the clawless cat kept the bear at bay for about 15 minutes, then ran him up another tree after an attempted escape.
Finally, Jack's owner, Donna Dickey, called the cat inside, and the timorous trespasser disappeared back into the woods.
'He doesn't want anybody in his yard,' Dickey said of Jack "

Wow... and I mean wow.

strange asda

Adsa the year 2006. Captains log dated August 5th.
Whilst perusing the creme frais I noticed my darling children had done a detour and headed off to the Muller Yogurt section and were in the process of filling my shopping trolley with several hundred yogurts.
I shouted "Get over here now" in their direction.
Suddenly a man approached me with a trolley and a kid in it.
"I thought you meant me" he laughed. His missus followed behind and raised her eyebrows at his antics.
As he walked off I said to the girls "You get a very strange breed of customer shopping in Asda"
With that the entire row of people looking at the dips turned around and stared at me.
"Not you lot" I stuttered. By this time the girls were so embarrassed they'd walked off and I was left to choose my salsa dip all alone.
On the way out I stopped at customer services to try get Abby a job, but it seems they've all gone.
Grrr.
Spring's 50th birthday tomorrow! Abby choose his cake and spent the entire time trying to persuade me to get pink wrapping paper and a fairy princess tablecloth.
Perhaps she knows something I don't.

technology vs god

Virus program incurs church wrath:

"The row between Symantec and Church House Publishing, the creator of Visual Liturgy, blew up on 8 July following an update to the Norton anti-virus software.
More than 4,500 Church of England parishes rely on Visual Liturgy to help them plan and prepare church services. "

Oh dear. Naughty Norton seems to have incurred the wrath of God by identifying one of the Churches programmes as spyware and deleting it.
Hilarious stuff.

doggie eats bear... elvis's bear.

Elvis bear worth 40,000 pounds mauled by guard dog :

"His owner doesn't know what came over him. And, by his downcast expression, neither does Barney the guard dog.
The doberman pinscher went berserk while on duty at a teddy bear museum, tearing the toys limb from limb and causing 20,000 pounds damage.
Among his victims was Mabel, a 40,000 pound Steiff bear that once belonged to Elvis Presley - and the jewel in the 500,000 pound collection.
Barney was meant to be protecting the bears, which are on show at the Wookey Hole Caves tourist attraction near Wells, Somerset. "

Dear dear dear. You don't get that problem with cats!
My sister lives right by Wookey Hole. Cool place. Full of witches and teddy eating dogs. Hmmm.
Look at his little face. He didn't mean it... awwww.

super? man

We all went to see Superman last night at Cineword Bristol. The girls Spring and my rather reluctant self as I wasn't sure I'd like it, having never even liked the originals.
We arrived a little late for the 7pm showing but knowing the 20 to 25 minutes of sodding adverts before these things I wasn't too worried.
I asked for three adults and one child to see Superman Returns. I got two adults and 2 children. Oh well, I didn't argue. A quick visit for 4 enormous 'regular' cokes and a huge nose bag of popcorn for Spring and we went to go in. It was about 7.15. I gave in the tickets and he stopped me. The cinema wasn't cleaned yet?
Odd? For a 7 pm showing. He shrugged his shoulders. So we waited and finally they let us in. Screen 12. Well screen 12 had a huge Pirates of the Caribbean sign outside. I went in and asked the dozen teenagers inside what they were viewing. Pirates apparently. Hmm, I asked them if they were joking and they laughed. Someone came outside looked at the sign and said "Oh yeah Pirates of the Superman...."
I went back to the man. I'd been given the wrong tickets. The till guy had booked us into the 7.30 pirates showing. Our film was in screen 11.
With a lot of sighing and huffing we entered screen 11 as the film was about to start. Lucky.
Ummm not.
The film played the starting music and a sign came up. This film has been passed U suitable for all.
"Over the Hedge" began. The little squirrel thing trying to get crisps out of the machine.
Everyone laughed and someone went to get a cineword worker.
After 5 minutes the film stopped then there was another 10 minute delay while someone found the correct film.
Hopeless.
Then the film began. After 15 minutes I wondered if frankly I was going to be able to sit through the dull, humourless and lacklustre movie.
There were moments that held me, like the space shuttle bit. But "Yawn" I'd seen it all before. And the soppy Lois lane crap? And Superman having a frankly weedy little son? Played by a cute looking (Romeo Beckham lookalike) but incredibly wooden child actor was dross.
Superman was ugly and that ridiculous curl on his forehead didn't help.
Spring ate the most enormous bag of popcorn and revels. He was bored too. No trains anywhere in the film :P
It's Springs birthday on Sunday.A whole 50 years of being on this planet. Well his body has been anyways!!

working it out

A couple of workable days at the mill this week. Tuesday I was playing immunology again. However this time my consultant wasn't available. Just his rather over testing registrar Pibo. Pibo orders more investigations than George bush. On your average 2 year olds arms you have room to do 6 tests. Leaving an inch space in between each test for safety. He ordered 16 allergy tests on one child including milk. I wouldn't mind but the kid drank a pint of milk a day. How the feck could he be allergic? Do the maths. I had to leave out some tests. Pibo seems to think children have three arms.
Kids always amaze me. Some are quivering wrecks of emotional screaming and anger. No, they yell and their parents cluck and fuss.
Some kids are stoical letting out the odd sob of anguish. It's these that get my heart strings tugging as I quietly silence my own dry sob as I empathise with them.
Some couldn't care less and have high pain thresholds and a matter of fact approach. These have the most fun as we tend to make a huge fuss of these plucky kids.
Actually we make a fuss of them all. All kids are special. Even the one who bit my boob a few years back when I was doing his dressing.
I'm a firm believer in getting it over as fast as possible. Then an essential debrief as you talk them through what happened and ask them to really think about "Was it as bad as you thought?" 95% will say no. The thought was worse but that odd 5% will SWEAR it was the worst thing in the whole world.
Bless, I can think of some adults who'd agree with them.