swanage and what steamy fun!

Steve on the steam train that took us to Swanage. It was so cold and rainy though. I was chilled through to the bone. Only had sandals on and no coat. Coat in May? Well I needed one. Why do I get so cold all the time?

The steam through the carriage window.
Swanage front. I'd have loved it if it wasn't so fecking wet.

See the mist and rain sweeping across the bay. Not a soul in sight. I hadn't realised how pagan Swanage is. There were loads of shops and this wonderful pagan vegetarian cafe we found by chance where I warmed up and started to feel a bit better.

sad

I've been trying to ignore the passing days for weeks now but time is lurching forward to the day when the unit closes. The new ward is set to open April 1st. Last night I shut the kitchen door, put on Plan B (don't ask) and cried my eyes out. I'm so sad. I've been there so long. Seen so many things happen, so may children died, so may saved, happy times... staff babies born. Staff children died. Marriages, divorces, affairs, really fun moments and moments of total despair.
It's a really good place to work. There was this article on the BBC website recently about a woman with an illness who was kept going by her place of work supporting her and being patient and understanding. No place has been more understanding than my ward. I remember being so ill, my head was so distorted and begging my manager to let me come to work. She looked at me and smiled. "Debs", she said " We want nothing more than to have you back at work, but we want you better more. Get well. We will be waiting. We love and care about you more than anything"
I am worried about change, about something new... about what will happen but to be honest I'm more sad about what I've lost. About what every single child in Bristol has lost. A unit that cares, that goes that extra mile, that is excellent. Maybe It'll all be OK. Maybe the legacy will carry on. Hope so.
I applied for a new job in out patients. It looks good, busy, interesting, lots of extra investigations. Autonomy and diversity. Hope I get it. We did a pagan ceremony at the lunar eclipse.
Danz wanted to get on better with her school friends. Spring wanted less work, Wulf wanted less football on TV (lol) and I wanted the new job.
I think the next few weeks are going to find me rather emotional. We're going to the SS Great Britain on Saturday for a closing Grand Ball. Cost a fortune, but it's a full night of music, food and drink. Hope I don't cry all night...

tale of a ring

Spring wanted a ring... a commitment ring. We decided it should be white gold like mine. Plain.... or maybe Celtic... just not like the horrible men's signet rings everyone sells. So we headed to Glastonbury to buy one.
Glastonbury was wet. Full of strange old people in carpet coats and beards with nests in them. But no rings. We searched everywhere. Meanwhile I discovered I'd taken out too much money from the bank and had a direct debit going out the day after...so we set off to find a bank in Wells to pay some money in.
Wells had a few jewellers. We tried them all. We looked at every single tray of men's rings. And tbh most of them were hideous.
I only really had 50 quid to spend. Some of those monstrosities were 400 or more. We gave up. We walked dejectedly back to the car park. We walked past the very last shop. It was a girlie crystal shop with aromatherapy stuff and crystals. In the window was one revolving stand made of glass and as it spun I spotted a single plain ring. The tiny label said white gold 75 pounds.
Hmm, I thought. What's the chance it will be his size. I went in... the ring was a one off. One ring one size. The girl got it out. It looked tiny. But he tried it on and it fitted perfectly. Unbelievable. Then I went to pay and they said it was a one off 30% off day.It cost me 51 pounds.
Can you believe it? The right size, gold, price?
Believe in fate? Or maybe a little pagan magic?
I do.